Even on a good day
my eyes gaze through a cloud.
I think the colors are vibrant
but it’s merely the shadows dimmed down.
The doubt has been sharpened
the frailty ready to pounce.
If a twig snaps outside my walls,
I am prepared to tear everything down.
When the book was shut
someone stuffed it inside the case.
Confirming my trickle of fear
and spelling out my mistakes.
I highlighted every typo
I revised all the drafts.
I thought I could fix the punctuation by clinging.
So I suffocated the past.
I cling like snow to eyelashes
frozen and unforgiving,
or shadows to a cavern
too ashamed to let the sun in.
I reach for him like starlight
blowing wishes on desperate pollen.
I drink in his compliments
and my existence relies on his attention.
I bind to my patterns
like a moth killing itself for light
And if feelings are divergent
well, I start a fight.
I ****** my flaws.
“We will protect you,”they whisper.
I resent their ignorant attempts.
Plastic wrap, holding broken glass together.
I cringe at the words “I love you."
I can’t look them in the eye.
It hurts to know they exist.
Love doesn’t need my consent to survive.
But frost wouldn’t pound on June’s door
demanding a second chance.
And mountains don't lose their mind
when the wind asks crumbling rocks to dance.
Look away, look down.
Squint hard enough and you’ll see the light.
But what worked just as well as grasping
was opening my eyes.
Apr 20, 2020
Apr 20, 2020 at 6:02 PM UTC
from the moment i met you, i knew i would unlock my heart and invite you inside. something about your smile, the whimsy in your eyes, wild, dangerously curious. warm, waiting to whisk me away. you knocked me off my feet, plucked me from my path like a flower. you introduced me to the sun like an old friend.
when you lift your eyelids it’s as if you’re taking off my skin, exposing my soul, layer by layer. time awaits for you to look into my eyes so he can take a break. look at me, just look at me. look at me looking at you. i'll reflect your light for once, turn my windows into mirrors. the moment you brush my hand, touch my elbow, tap my shoulder, teacups stand still and my head’s the one spinning mad. be careful, hold still, or your every movement will send me to the moon, shattering my composure and sticking it back together in some form of awe. i’ve been there too many times already.
the sun rises in your irises. every morning. i swear it does, i’ve seen it. you blush when you unzip your heart too suddenly. you get shy when i take your photo and i know you don’t like it but you know it’s good for you. you see magic in everyone. you are gentle on my mind and hard on my heart. you are quick on your feet but clumsy when you're tired. you choose the dark side of the moon to explore so you can make your own light. you hum under your breath when no one’s listening. you are so close with the sun, it burns you every time you meet. it burns you every single time. you’re slow to trust and quick to love. and it burns you. but you still love.
And if you are in love, you are the lucky one. respect is my upmost priority. her voice is why i hold my tongue. the way you look at her is why i hide my blush. the photos you take is why i hinder my breath. holding her hand is why i walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk, timing my steps so our fingers won’t brush. your love is why i’m afraid. petrified. it’s augustly love, love you deserve. and if you are happy, you are the lucky one. i wish nothing more for you. happiness for you. for you, i would demand the sea fit into a single bucket, wish the stars to rearrange their light to suit your perspective, ask the flowers to grow backward to grant spring a second chance. for you, i would fit my love into a friendship. i could turn the lightening in my veins into wind instead.
in the back of the taxi, after raising the sunset from the sand and racing the rain home, the moonlight in your hair, the breeze in mine, i told you about a love that was complicated. i wanted so to tell you the truth. and i almost did. it would have been easy. we were opening up together. it would have been so easy.
you’re the reason.
the reason i reply with a smile and not a kiss on my lips, i chase ghosts and not shadows, i slow dance alone, to the beat of a drunk-with-dreams heart. you are the reason i answer no, i pretend i don’t know. you are the reason i want to say yes.
when i knocked on your door beneath the stars, when i wore your coat like a hug, when we danced on the cliffs I carved, when i peeled back vulnerability and showed you my stitches and you didn't turn away but you caressed every single scar, when i asked for your name but really wanted to hear your story, i was searching for something more. so here, as i write, attempting to interpret my modern-art-piece of a heart, i ask only one thing in return for honesty: bring back the sun, paint the sky like you painted me smitten. i grew out of my old life, met you on an adventure. i’m on my way up, growing out of this pain. and while i have peace in where we reside, i hope part of you is okay hearing this, because part of me needed to say it before it was suddenly done.
here we are.
here we go.
letting go.
after all, there are other ways to meet the sun.
sincerely,
the moonlight
Mar 24, 2019
Mar 24, 2019 at 1:40 PM UTC
when you just need to stare at the stars
and cry for the whole world
Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 8:58 AM UTC
when I walk into a room
your eyes on me,
my hope pinned to you
I feel your "yes" reach for me
hear what you don’t say
you believe in everything
and I believe
in fate
No one knows your heartbeat
quite like I do
Not a soul sees the sunrise
the way
I see you
You’ve got a way
with your words
Magic
And I have a heart
of gold
you can have it
All those stories,
the ones never told
imagine
Show me where the wild things are
where no one has to break hearts.
Take me to the bright side of the moon,
where every girl's dream comes true.
Tell me it doesn’t have to be so hard,
and we don’t have to chase stars.
They just fall.
They fall.
And they fall.
Until they’re ours.
Aug 19, 2018
Aug 19, 2018 at 11:09 PM UTC
Do you have the supplies? Did you get the shopping list? Okay, good. Let's begin.
Step 1. Give her a wild mind, a heart that won't settle for "good enough", that won't stop trying.
Step 2. Show her the world through a window pane, tinted glass. Give her a taste of what beauty could be, but don't give enough to make it last.
Step 3. Grant her such magic, such power in her veins, that she doesn't fit in anywhere, no mold, no shape, no box. Never let her feel too content. Don't give her enough to feel secure in her state. Keep her floating, treading water, climbing rocks.
Step 4. Don't help when she's hurt, don't listen when she cries. Let her be lonely. Leave her. Let her fall in, let her drown, let her dive.
Step 5. Allow the dust to settle, the wet to dry.
Step 6. Look out! Here comes her soul, on that piece of paper there, her latest masterpiece.
Congratulations. You have made an artist.
Aug 1, 2018
Aug 1, 2018 at 11:09 PM UTC
isn’t it strange
you loved a human so fiercely you dissolved into him.
even stranger
you wouldn’t change a thing.
Aug 1, 2018
Aug 1, 2018 at 10:10 PM UTC
That, that right there.
Did you feel the spark? That glint of hope, the shadow of a light heart?
I know it hurts. Tell me all about it. Give me every burning, searing detail, explain every crack and every bump and every dip.
It's been through a lot, I see. It's all bandaged up. It's heavy and it's scared and it doesn't particularly want to work anymore, just staying alive is enough.
Enough of this ache! Lock me up, keep me safe, don't let anyone in, don't let anyone stay.
Work it out. Work it through. And one day, laughing with the wind, looking at the sky, whispering thoughts to yourself, having time, so much time, you will feel that glint of hope, and that shadow of light will become tangible, fierce.
Keep your heart engage. Keep your feelings connected. You'll need them, my dear, there's more love to come, there's work to be done.
Jul 31, 2018
Jul 31, 2018 at 10:34 PM UTC
come, come with me
on this backward path
of shattered mirrors
and sidewalk cracks
walk, walk with me
and listen to the sounds
of the wondering birds
and things the wind found
dance, dance with me
at a bashment of bashful bows
wild twists, sylph-like twirls,
and elegant falls
lay, lay with me
in a passage of dreamt things.
i will place my heart
in your palm and try, try to breathe
breathe, breathe with me
can you not let me go?
melt away the malarkey with silence and
cure the angry thoughts with “i don’t know”
speak, speak with me
confabulate, but don’t ask what i feel
for i’d be reticent, or worse,
pre-occupied from thoughts by what’s real
meet, meet with me
can you find me halfway
in a field of resplendence
at the end of the day?
run, run with me
get you wild (like untamed flowers)
make you leave
(he’s a forest fire)
fall, fall with me
Wonderland doesn’t hurt if there’s two
when the Queen of Hearts sees ours
she won’t even conceptualize what to do
sink, sink with me
when i’m drifting, drowning, and there’s nothing left
but promise me you’d swim to shore
if it was between loss and loss of breath
leave, leave with me
and shall the world pull you away
in my heart, I’ll keep the pieces
of the promise that you would stay
scream, scream with me
tell the air and the dirt and the weeds
what is dry, what is broken, what is hurt
what you need
hold on, hold on with me
to memories and tales of the trees
of climbing limbs
and freedom in little things
stay, stay with me
in this bleeding, beating, of hearts
don’t get too close, but
don’t go too far
trust, trust with me
though it's complicated
and whims take the garden signs
and try to repaint them
pray, pray with me
see, the petals scattered to the breeze,
are not a concise coincidence
but the story of an averred belief
grow, grow with me
i hope that love will show us how
it starts as a seed, then a bud
then a vow
dream, dream with me
of crepuscular magic and roses in June
droplets are constellations
and irises the moon
feel, feel with me
in your embrace i seek shelter
hands like daisies in my hair
feet intertwined, we're ivy, but better
wonder, here with me
we don’t know what we’ll find
but if you keep me safe, dear one,
i’ll keep you wild.
Jul 31, 2018
Jul 31, 2018 at 10:20 PM UTC
Colors mix in the vainest of ways,
in the strangest of states.
A sunset makes sense
blue, pink and yellow shine soft,
exchanging compliments.
but if a bird shares his view
blue is how to fly, how to wash,
and how to feed.
What does that mean?
Pastels know how to dance.
Have you watched them before?
They lift hearts and tickle hairs.
They don't care what's on your mind,
but give each thought a chair.
It's a world of wonder through
their eyes. Let us explore.
Let us try.
If you’re feeling bold,
mix in some orange, wild green,
rich plum.
Ramble and embrace and relish
in the present tick of the clock,
before the paint dries
and we‘re back to the start.
When we're curious,
change the palette to gold.
Add some earth to the mix,
browns and tans to keep us grounded.
Canary to teach us courage,
honey to give us a hold.
You are every shade of yellow,
all at once, never cold.
Can I tell you a secret?
There is wonder in the deep hues.
Magic in the woods.
The night sky is brilliant
if you think to look,
look up,
with purple swirls
and silver ideals.
Mystery fills the lavenders
and the periwinkles and the crystal cyans
and whimsical teals.
There is uncertainty in the depth.
The ocean waves are fierce,
hard to control,
the dreams free,
the souls impossible to mold.
There is extraordinary wisdom,
Every heartbeat a way to pray
new ways to see in the twilight,
perspectives that are invisible in the day.
Is that what scared you away?
For I am the blue,
the cornflower petals
far from the path
the space between the sky
and the world
when the sun goes down
the sapphire glints floating far from the learned,
from what you know.
When I asked you to stay,
and you promised me time,
I thought it was in our shade
it was yours, not mine.
Do you mind?
Being stuck, dried up in the fear of it all?
Yes. You can stay in the hues
you know all too well.
Maybe ask amber for a dance,
have coffee with cream,
snuggle close to mustard,
hold on to bronze's warmth.
Don't mix too carelessly,
Be careful the paints don’t touch,
the brushstrokes don’t show
It could ruin the lines.
Remember your lines.
Stay safe. Stay yellow.
What if we turned the wheel?
There is curiosity in your blood,
I can feel it waiting to bleed.
Like watercolor,
Searching for the canvas to accept its gift.
You are eager to skip into another palette
you are ready to see another world.
Let's feel all the hues,
use every shade,
dance with the primaries,
one two step, one two.
Mix up the tone with their creations,
until we invent new pigments,
until we run out of names
for all our formulations and hues
Let us walk the rainbow.
Turning light to color
Back to light again
Let me show you my view.
I know. You know.
You never know
what you'll get.
Painting with the rain
instead of an arranged set
can lead to a storm, nothing but grey,
nothing but dark,
but at least even then
there's no regret.
Yes, colors mix in the vainest of ways, the strangest of states.
And perhaps yellow and blue don't have any more skies to paint.
Jul 30, 2018
Jul 30, 2018 at 10:48 PM UTC