Pendragon - Hello Poetry

It piles on and when I finally crumble under the weight of it, it's far too much to take. I joke about it all the time, "I'm pretty much the master of not dealing with things." I joke but it a serious thing. I deal with nothing and and let it pile on. Until eventually, I crumble. I take a long hot shower, my skin turns red. One minute passes by then another and another. Soon enough the tears start to fall, and I can't stop them. **** the **** is broken, all the feelings left unspoken, coming out in waves. Dude get it together. You can't fall apart, you aren't weak, well maybe you are. So I take a deep breath in, release, it move on. The only thing your good at is pretending you are fine. So **** it the **** up move on. Your strength sets with the sun, go to bed early, let the tears all fall. Let the thoughts bounce all around in your skull. When it's dark, it's easier to crumble. When it's dark and you are alone, there's no need for walls.

0

Jan 31, 2018

Jan 31, 2018 at 11:04 PM UTC

****

It piles on and when I finally crumble under the weight of it, it's far too much to take. I joke about it all the time, "I'm pretty much the master of not dealing with things." I joke but it a serious thing. I deal with nothing and and let it pile on. Until eventually, I crumble. I take a long hot shower, my skin turns red. One minute passes by then another and another. Soon enough the tears start to fall, and I can't stop them. **** the **** is broken, all the feelings left unspoken, coming out in waves. Dude get it together. You can't fall apart, you aren't weak, well maybe you are. So I take a deep breath in, release, it move on. The only thing your good at is pretending you are fine. So **** it the **** up move on. Your strength sets with the sun, go to bed early, let the tears all fall. Let the thoughts bounce all around in your skull. When it's dark, it's easier to crumble. When it's dark and you are alone, there's no need for walls.

3

You would know that voice anywhere, The deep, loud sound, that has always instilled fear. The kind of fear that makes your blood run cold and hot. The kind that freezes you on the spot. Too paralyzed in fear. Takes the very breath from your lungs. You know those eyes, the same ones that were always too close. The ones that looked upon you with the most hate you have ever seen. Eyes so close, voice so loud. You can't move fear roots you to the spot. You don't know what the monster is saying, but it's occupying all of your thoughts. You've tried so hard to detach from the monster, to remove it from yourself. Eventually, someone points it out, so you look in the mirror, and take a long good look at yourself. What you see looking back is the one thing you've tried so hard not to become. The monster inside.

0

Sep 5, 2017

Sep 5, 2017 at 12:29 PM UTC

Monster

You would know that voice anywhere, The deep, loud sound, that has always instilled fear. The kind of fear that makes your blood run cold and hot. The kind that freezes you on the spot. Too paralyzed in fear. Takes the very breath from your lungs. You know those eyes, the same ones that were always too close. The ones that looked upon you with the most hate you have ever seen. Eyes so close, voice so loud. You can't move fear roots you to the spot. You don't know what the monster is saying, but it's occupying all of your thoughts. You've tried so hard to detach from the monster, to remove it from yourself. Eventually, someone points it out, so you look in the mirror, and take a long good look at yourself. What you see looking back is the one thing you've tried so hard not to become. The monster inside.

9

There's no need to remind me. I already know. I struggle with this more than Anyone would know. Many hours spent thinking and alone. There's no need to remind me. I know too well. My existence is useless. An absolute waste. Please, stop reminding me, I already know.

0

Aug 28, 2017

Aug 28, 2017 at 2:39 PM UTC

Untitled

There's no need to remind me. I already know. I struggle with this more than Anyone would know. Many hours spent thinking and alone. There's no need to remind me. I know too well. My existence is useless. An absolute waste. Please, stop reminding me, I already know.

11

I've sat idly and watched as my world came crashing down. The weight of it all stealing the breath from my lungs. I've gotten up like nothing was wrong. Sat and watched while everyone carried on, like I haven't just lost my entire world. But they don't know, they can never know. So I pick up broken pieces, severed limbs, empty lungs, and am forced to carry on. Smile on my face, as if I hadn't lost my world. Forced to say goodbye. Forced to walk away. Forced to give up my world, the only thing that mattered. Forced to walk away like I'm completely unaffected. As the world falls down.

0

Aug 8, 2017

Aug 8, 2017 at 10:37 PM UTC

As the world falls down

I've sat idly and watched as my world came crashing down. The weight of it all stealing the breath from my lungs. I've gotten up like nothing was wrong. Sat and watched while everyone carried on, like I haven't just lost my entire world. But they don't know, they can never know. So I pick up broken pieces, severed limbs, empty lungs, and am forced to carry on. Smile on my face, as if I hadn't lost my world. Forced to say goodbye. Forced to walk away. Forced to give up my world, the only thing that mattered. Forced to walk away like I'm completely unaffected. As the world falls down.

12

Everything is right where I left it. It's been so long, I feel the weight in my palm. Cool metal, and plastic against hot, cold, clammy hands. Hearing the slider click to open. Click Click Click Waves of nostalgia ripple, like waves in the ocean. While it's just in my hand, I can feel the Peace of being split open. So many years being clean, want to fall out of the window and drown in the ocean. I want to know, does it help the same? Will it dull the pain? It's calling out to me, it knows what I've done. I wonder if I can stop at just one?

0

Mar 10, 2017

Mar 10, 2017 at 12:01 AM UTC

For the first time In forever.

Everything is right where I left it. It's been so long, I feel the weight in my palm. Cool metal, and plastic against hot, cold, clammy hands. Hearing the slider click to open. Click Click Click Waves of nostalgia ripple, like waves in the ocean. While it's just in my hand, I can feel the Peace of being split open. So many years being clean, want to fall out of the window and drown in the ocean. I want to know, does it help the same? Will it dull the pain? It's calling out to me, it knows what I've done. I wonder if I can stop at just one?

5

Hollowed out, the shell of a person. Emptied out nothing left inside

0

Mar 9, 2017

Mar 9, 2017 at 10:45 PM UTC

Pumpkin

Hollowed out, the shell of a person. Emptied out nothing left inside

1

So many feelings all at once. Why did I open myself up, why did I let myself feel? Everything always hits at once. It's hard to tell my heart to keep beating, my lungs to keep breathing. I just want that peaceful rest. Conflicting voices raging inside, stop beating, stop breathing. It's so easy to let go. Heart torn between sputtering, and hammering. Dying out or overcompensating.

0

Mar 9, 2017

Mar 9, 2017 at 10:45 PM UTC

Mhm

So many feelings all at once. Why did I open myself up, why did I let myself feel? Everything always hits at once. It's hard to tell my heart to keep beating, my lungs to keep breathing. I just want that peaceful rest. Conflicting voices raging inside, stop beating, stop breathing. It's so easy to let go. Heart torn between sputtering, and hammering. Dying out or overcompensating.

9

Do you know how many times I've wanted to pick up the phone and let you know we still care people still care. You left you got up picked up your crap and were gone. Leaving no phone number and no forwarding address. All because you are searching for that highs caress. But when you come down all the havoc and chaos you created is still around the high is only a distraction from the things you are destroying. Like your family and the friends that only want to see you get better. The friends that are feeding in to this addiction are no better than the drugs you think your missing.

0

Jul 28, 2015

Jul 28, 2015 at 11:17 PM UTC

Drugs vs. him

Do you know how many times I've wanted to pick up the phone and let you know we still care people still care. You left you got up picked up your crap and were gone. Leaving no phone number and no forwarding address. All because you are searching for that highs caress. But when you come down all the havoc and chaos you created is still around the high is only a distraction from the things you are destroying. Like your family and the friends that only want to see you get better. The friends that are feeding in to this addiction are no better than the drugs you think your missing.

1

How do you stop looking at someone as if they hung the stars themselves, even after they shattered your already fragile heart. How do you stop someone from meaning everything to you when you know that's not a thing they feel too. How do you make sense of a broken heart that just keeps getting worse. How do you convince yourself to get over the one who you finally let through, when you come to terms with the cold hard truth, he just used you.

0

Jul 28, 2015

Jul 28, 2015 at 11:15 PM UTC

The Stars

How do you stop looking at someone as if they hung the stars themselves, even after they shattered your already fragile heart. How do you stop someone from meaning everything to you when you know that's not a thing they feel too. How do you make sense of a broken heart that just keeps getting worse. How do you convince yourself to get over the one who you finally let through, when you come to terms with the cold hard truth, he just used you.

4