a flower came from your mouth
i ate it without permission. sorry
my body becomes the evidence
that i will hide forever. you were soft
i wish i broke you
your flower died when i munched it
sour, moist, bitter, a bit salty
my tongue & my eyes
both teary and red
help me. i have been poisoned
by my own goodwill
i just wanted to taste the soft petals
why should it come with thorns, my own
blood, despair, defeat
death you don't care about
who are we against? i don't remember
does that make me the murdered or the murderer
if no one dies at this scene
who will come to my funeral
who will regret not idealizing me a little longer
does any of this ever make you sane?
i almost had it. freedom
turns out my sanity
isn't even worth that much
remind me again why i am here
remind me again why i am here
remind me again why i am here
remind me again why
i am here
Jun 5, 2019
Jun 5, 2019 at 6:07 PM UTC
my body is a hole
that is yet to be
carved
out
into your eyes i want to be ****** in
your palms and my sharp edges
can i make you bleed
can i make a mold for you
out of
my pain, my pain, my pain
i'm completely in
covered in flesh
come be my adipose
i'll empty you
out
skin be poked
from within
and giggles, bleak dimples
moon-eyed
the face is the outer space
dark. suffocating.
a graveyard of dead stars.
can we be bigger than what we are
can we suddenly stop to appear
hide
it's rampage
everywhere
i'm melting coming back frozen contaminated.
there's no fixing it
Feb 8, 2019
Feb 8, 2019 at 3:15 AM UTC
i smell like diet pills i might've
gone to therapy and lie, she said
i was doing great. everyone says that
but my parents are me. i'd rather
chug mcdonald's cola and forget
the taste of ***** i miss
my parking lot. i miss
staining the car seat
my father says i am going bald
i say you haven't seen the most of it
let's see how this turns out
i dissociate my way
to the future. no one knows why
i'm crying. no one knows i'm crying
i can't stuff a vacuum
i can't let bleed a dried out
i can't breathe my mouth is bad
who knows there are things
worse than suicide -- i do
and i'm doing it
because no one is letting me die
everyone is so ******* selfish
why can't i be?
my life has gotten significantly worse
since eight years ago
the thoughts of killing myself
has always been my only solace
i'm so sorry that you don't matter
nothing you say or do
would ever soothe me
you can stop me
truth is, you're the one who stop me
over and over
again. what atrocity
to drag one no longer fit for living
hope isn't a morphine
it's just a playground
for adults who had unhappy
childhood
the world is spinning
footsteps
people keep breeding
making money, spending
getting a job, dressing up for the boss
trying not to get ***** get ***** anyway
losing weight, gaining a tenfold
changing mirrors
dropping out of school
never leaving home
trying to escape the hands
always got caught by the eye
the walls are covered with ears
there's nowhere to run to
i'll always be found out
as if i did a some kind of grave crime
Jan 12, 2019
Jan 12, 2019 at 3:37 PM UTC
* *if your body is a home
who would make it a hotel room
look at you and think:*
cheap enough. pretty clean
sleep on you and think:
tomorrow i'm leaving
*if your body is a home
who would make it a playground
come to you to play,
get tired and think:*
fun enough, but it's getting dark
i gotta go
*if your body is a home
once lively, with a garden of blooming flowers and home-cooked meals
who would make it a haunted house
who would cut the power at night
who would make it a ****** scene
if your body is a home
who would make it impossible to live in* *
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 2:27 PM UTC
hey, aren't you well?
staying ill in this weather
won't take you anywhere,
bruising heart into cracked walls
and damp groin
i see your hair is falling out again
collecting grease
shedding scalp
i said i loved you, i did.
what are we anymore, we used to
collect each tear drops
call them different names
i forgot what your face looked like
when i see you
* *how can i be sorry,
how can i
there are beautiful things in this world
one of them was being with you,
painting the blanket of the earth
mint green, lavender, sky blue
-- aching red burst
and now i can't see any of it
we were vast, transcending galaxies
like something immense was on the way
but it got caught and dried and hung
like a head with horns
like a head with fangs
like a head, trophy that says, defeat
if i were to find you
would you let me hold you
carry you
tend you
would you like to take the time
to heal?
in my chest. in my arms. would
you let me build for you a mending place?
or would you tell me off
tell me: pretend
not to hear your screech
not to get your hurt
would you ask me to look past it
like you did
before
what am i going to do with you?
i can't love you if you aren't here
i can't find you if you disappear
what am i going to do without you?
Sep 27, 2018
Sep 27, 2018 at 3:00 AM UTC
i cant give up my heat
to what i really need
arent i just like
my mother? clumsily
birthed a child, again,
and another, tearing
a *** hole, bleeding
lifetimes, swallowing
salt with a mouth like wound. i
wish i never hurt i
an apple tree
blossomed
carrying entrails
like knowledge
i devour, an eater
fell in love
with famine. arent i
just like my mother?
a lady, sword on her hand
scale ingrained on her heart
covers her eyes, but never
forgets to count. how many years
do i have left?
outlive me, or rather
i'll let you
have my youth.
Sep 23, 2018
Sep 23, 2018 at 12:46 PM UTC
I will not bleed but internally
A song that seeps into me
Celebration of misery, I will not leave
Day by day, like wild grasses, like a downpour
Wind-woven, my rooted free spirit, my primal
Lover, I owe you a favor
A cleft in our head instead of our chest
I'll forgive, let you mend, just
Stay close to me and I'll stay
I'll stay close, I'll stay
Aug 5, 2018
Aug 5, 2018 at 10:19 AM UTC
for me, it has always been
an ocean, a sea, a body of
salty water. for me, it does
not matter if it's just a little
a little wave is shaking my entire being
imagine i
have to stand tall in a surfer's board, i
am drowning. i am drowning
can't save myself
so funny how i feel so small
with such a large body
how i feel powerless with
such a strong hip
how i feel empty with
out a gap between my thigh
s
for me, it has always been
the ocean, the sea, the body
of salty water. i want to wear
so little and show all skin. i
want to be seen. i want to
be all skeleton and float like a lifesaver.
but i
drown
i drown
i keep drown
ing. i drown. i am drown. drown
Jun 28, 2018
Jun 28, 2018 at 8:16 AM UTC
dear nurses
dress me
in a hospital
gown, i want
to admit
myself to a
cold cleanliness
hygiene in the air
filling my lungs
fine,fine,fine
i'm floating on the bed
it's so bright here
i'm gonna lay forever
dear nurses feed me
meals as bland as eyes
when i see
colorful
i get bored
just watching
them, so lively
i don't have anyone to
talk to
it's amazing how
different
each voice
becomes an identity
i wanna hear too
mine,but i don't
have anyone to
talk to
dear nurses
draw my blood
tell me what is
wrong with me
dear nurses change my
underwear
sorry i dirtied
the bed sheets
dear nurses i
dear nurses why
dear nurses take me
to the garden
downstairs
i'm getting bored
just breathing
so much work
tiring
no wonder i
don't have anyone
to talk to
Jun 1, 2018
Jun 1, 2018 at 7:14 PM UTC
i wish i was in hell these days, burning
warmth so overwhelming it hurts
burn so severe it eliminates everything else
i want to forget this body, this lonely
that unlawfully resides within me
in raging eternal flames, that's how
i want to be forgotten
i want to become ashes, rise again
only to burn to death again
that's how i want to forget
what it's like to have skin and bones
what it's like to disguise the skeleton with fat and cellulites
i wish i was in hell these days, burning
yet all i do is hoarding, gorging, overindulging
in this cold room of a landfill, as a lifestyle
but also no, i don't live like this
i don't live at all
i want to prove the world wrong
i want to nullify your religion
i want you to know the absolute truth
i want to burn, because coldness
is how i know hell. i want to break,
because my whole is how
i become hell
hell is all in my head
hell is all over my body
hell is penetrating my every pores
because it's gaping wide, asking for it
asking to be filled, asking for anything
asking for enlargement, asking to reduce themselves
asking to perish, forcefully, painfully, then all at once
Apr 15, 2018
Apr 15, 2018 at 1:33 AM UTC