A man tore himself apart
It was just the other day
Limb to limb, bit to bit
****** pulp, sinew askew
And now he sits and wonders
Was he always in such discord?
Or was this a fabrication
A fabrication of the mind
Or of the absence of a mind
Self diagnosed insanity
A man who had reached an end
A break, a crack, in his psyche
Exhausted every nodule of sense
Along the highway of consciousness
But how has it come to this?
What was it that sent him into madness?
Was there an actual affliction?
Or did he see his reflection?
He took his manifestation of monotony
Blew it to pieces with a shotgun blast
Picking out buckshot with broken fingers
Each pellet another unanswered question
How many times can a man crush himself
Before he's pressed too thin?
How many times can his world be flipped
Before he knows which way is up?
How many deaths must he endure
Before he feels alive again?
But he can no longer take action
After all these mindless meltdowns
He lays on the forest floor, motionless
Becoming one with the earth
Buried in leaves and branches decaying
The dirt below him is cold and wet
Insects crawling and colonizing
Marching through his rotting flesh
And it all feels romantic and beautiful
Sunlight and serenity fall upon him
Feeling nothing and everything
And then nothing again.
Aug 11, 2016
Aug 11, 2016 at 2:27 PM UTC
*"With a overwhelming sigh of relief.
Everyone together, all at once.
Deafening, like the voice of God.
And then nothing.
That's how.
You?"*
Jul 4, 2016
Jul 4, 2016 at 7:42 PM UTC
Take my hand and drag me away from here
Down the alleys, past the trash
Up the steps of lovers hearts trampled
Where we'll sit and drink wine with the city resting at our feet
And you'll braid my hair and I'll try hard not to fall in love
But the stars in my glass hold a different fate
And your tender heart makes me want to speak into your lips
And in my head I play a thousand scenes, of what should and should not be
And I'm tearing from this earth, swept into the night's sky
By God herself, plucking me up by my lapel
To scold me and console me, to **** and indulge me
And I cry into her soft hands "why must I be cursed so well,
A fairytale ailment, a poet beguiled?" And she sweetly replied
"No soul is cursed, a man just has his fair share of trials"
And she placed me gently on the hillside for the uphill strife
Where I'll fall short of expectation and desire
And you'll carry me off again to end this insufferable pleasure
Your hand hard on my jacket, mine soft on your back
And in the middle of the street, I try and stop you under a light
Because in this moment's time I want to make you mine
I want to pull you in and hold tight, like a sailor after some forgotten war,
Clutching his lady in white, the square and world falling at their side
And I feel myself preparing to lose my virginity of divinity
I tense and relax, heart beating well outside my chest,
Ready to relinquish all inhibitions into your cool, calm, collect
But you march on, you strange little creature, resisting my surrender
Maybe I'm still too high to comprehend any of this
But the trade of allurement for retreat has replaced my excitement with stress
We talk of never speaking again but I can't help lying to your face
I never want this night to end, I want to push it as far as I can
Explore every possibility, because you instill an invincible feeling in me
Strengthen my desire for a life of unpredictability and whim
You are poetry in motion, a masterpiece ever evolving, excitement in the flesh
I want to place my will in your persuasion, adopt your sense of wild ambition
Stand with you at the foot of the monolith of this world's wonder
Maybe we're just born in the wrong point in history, unfortunately,
Two classics falling deaf on the modern assembly
And they curse us for not adhering to their numbing prescriptions of life
But alas, here we are, out of line, out of time
It all seems right, for any existence that allows our paths to cross
A blessing to my being, the epitome of freeing
Just stay with me for a moment longer and I promise I'll keep your heart beating.
Jun 20, 2016
Jun 20, 2016 at 6:17 PM UTC
Heartwrenched, abominable,
a tear in the fabric of self.
The tapestry stained, bloodied
with emotions I did not ask for
but you have provided.
Oh great goddess, beauty divine,
why have you forsaken me?
Parting the heavens after your storm
to cast down a ray of temptation,
a cloud of splendid serenity
to rest and rise up upon into your paradise.
Ah, the sight of you conjures feelings of salvation,
a relinquishing of one's self into the other.
A soul, an essence, a being
that I have become entranced by.
An insatiable hunger to consume
every thought, no matter how trivial,
for it is a realm I thought too foreign
to exist outside my own self.
Enraptured, I hang on to every breath you speak.
Like an endless supply of enlightenment,
a serene brook of beauty flows from your lips.
And I recite a prayer under my breath,
whispering to the cosmos, that a mortal man like I
can capture your attention even for a moment,
for I can spend a lifetime in that single second.
And by some miracle it came true!
Granted a chance to court Aphrodite herself.
But now I am burdened, my dear
by your receiving of my existence,
for I know I am not worthy of your grace.
And my glimpse into your beautiful tenderness
has rendered me hopeless.
Mourning my own incompetence,
my inability to offer you something more.
Burying short lived dreams of perfection.
Everything I have wished for and more
in my grasp yet so far away.
You personify the bloom of life in all its beauty.
And I, the epitome of a withering fool,
with hands too rough to hold you near,
shall only sing my song to you
for its all I have to give.
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 6:19 AM UTC
Desire has a nuanced way
Of rearing its ugly head
Disguised in a pretty red wig
A cinnamon girl, a wild mare
Racing a hot summers night
And I, a king of trash, lost
Deep in the ocean of vulnerability
That glimmers behind your eyes
Sinking, swimming, submerged
It's hard to stay afloat
When you're ten feet above water
And you can't breathe
When your lungs are full of lust
But maybe just for tonight
Among the places we've drank
The cars taking us here to there
The cigarettes, tequila, and drugs
The warming sensations
The stupid decisions
The too close conversations
A longing gaze, a hand on thigh
Your beauty closes in on mine
And our lips would touch
Igniting a flame, burning me
Embers to ashes, dust to pain
For we'd only exist this night
A memory in the making
A heart of broken shame
A possibility too perfect
The product of fantasy
Something I'd wish for
But never come to fruition
Intuition screaming at me
*Don't kiss the girl
Leave before you **** yourself up*
And in comes the reaper
Here to collect my debt
Of too much ingested
I feel sick, losing control
Get me the hell out of here
I want to go home.
Jun 3, 2016
Jun 3, 2016 at 9:29 PM UTC
Singing and swinging
There is no in between
Just a ****** feeling
Just a lifeless shell
So throw me in the water
Make sure it's deep
You won't hear my cries
You won't have to help
Singing and swinging
There's no in between
Bubbles rising to the surface
The ground staring at my feet
Apr 21, 2016
Apr 21, 2016 at 1:14 PM UTC
What is it that makes me
An absolute burden to you?
Not just you
All of you
Tell me what it is
Because it's eating me alive.
Is it my inability embrace reality?
Or my absence of mental stability?
My lack of sound decision making
Paired with all the drugs I'm taking?
It can't be my appreciation
For the ******* lives you're faking.
What a complete joke it is
To feel so unwanted
By everyone you hold in high praise
It's laughable how much it hurts
How deep these wounds go
How out of place I feel
In my many homes
I just need to get away
To give you all a break.
I'm rain on your pity parade
Tone deaf to your serenade
Engulfed by anxiety
Feeling inadequate
Presently unpleasant
Doomed to forever be
The awkward teenager
Trying to fit in
The afterthought
The whatshisface
The nevermind
But still I'll follow you around
The pathetic puppy dog
Nipping at your feet
Begging for attention
But no bone gets thrown my way
No attaboys, no morsels or scraps
Not even crumbs of mild amusement
Just your spit in the dirt
At the mention of my name
It's just something
I don't understand
Well whatever it is
I swear I'll change
Mar 25, 2015
Mar 25, 2015 at 2:19 PM UTC
I'm trying, I really am
But this undiagnosed disease
It has weighed down
For far too long
Crushed
Gasping for breath
Suffocating
I can't hold your hand
Around my throat
For much longer
**** me or kiss me
Because I can't keep living
On this borrowed time
This facade of being fine
Is crumbling at its core
I'll string myself up
Just to stay on two feet
Like a paper hearted Pinocchio
Lying for the first time
Like it was the last time
A tainted ****** too proud
To eat his own words
A familiar taste, regurgitate
**** this palate accustomed
To that pretty face.
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 3:01 PM UTC
alright, i give up
shoot me where i stand
you caught me red handed
trying to regain some familiarity
trying to steal back your attention
a fool's attempt at redemption
i have no motive, no secret plan
any premeditation would have
never let this ever happen
but here i am, staring at the ground
avoiding all eye contact, ashamed
filled with regret to ever see your face
to see you smiling at me, it drives me insane
i don't deserve this kindness from you
i want disgust and scorn
make me feel vile for all my actions
it would help me sleep at night
relief like a shotgun kiss goodnight
a culling lullaby to ease my mind
and the dreams, oh those ******* dreams
the haunting and subconscious wanting
where i can go anywhere in the world
and yet i drearily meander close to you
so forgive me for my crashing on your moon
i promise that i'll leave here soon
consider this my complete surrender
of a weary broken necked lover
in a letter post marked return to sender
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 3:24 PM UTC
What is this I'm experiencing?
Is this a beast I cannot tame?
Am I not the boy so brave?
All these nights spent far too late,
They have sent me spiraling
Into a madness I welcome humbly.
Teeth clenched, I delve recklessly
Into an endless familiar unknown.
I stare longingly into the abyss,
Searching, scanning, endlessly.
Uncovering the unrecoverable, revealing
That the abyss is me.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 3:27 PM UTC