I question at times if my love is as strong as my pride
Could I walk away from his touch,
Just to make sure I don’t look stupid before I do?
Am I already a fool to everyone else?
I was raised to think appearances mean everything,
But what if he’s not what he appears?
When our love looks in a mirror what does it see?
Does it see you holding me in the light?
Or is there a shadow with it’s arm around my waist?
Am I strong enough to love you blindly?
Could I walk away to find me eyes?
Or is the truth clearer than I allow it to be?
My love is so strong that I question whether it can be real,
And if it is real, am I strong enough to let it be?
Aug 12, 2020
Aug 12, 2020 at 3:23 PM UTC
If I could live in a moment forever
Blink 182 would be on the radio
You would be singing every wrong note
As I learn how to be free through your spirit
You would be beating the dash board drums like no one was around
Taking all the turns you could on a 2 hour 10 mile drive
If I could live in a moment forever
I would live in the evermoving stillness I felt in the moment I began to fall in love
for the first time
again
Jun 20, 2020
Jun 20, 2020 at 10:41 PM UTC
Who hurt you to where you can’t love me with the capacity you once could
Am I the problem? Or do you stand where they once stood?
You showed them off like they were the world's only treasure
Why was I never granted that pleasure?
The world saw pictures of how happy you were
Now I feel it’s them that you would prefer.
I stand in your world and you are so proud of the people you’ve brought in it
But sometimes still I get this feeling that I don’t fit.
You show me memories of loves that have faded.
And I can’t help but be just a little jaded.
I don’t know if it’s this voice in my ******* head
Or if its someone else you wish you were sharing a bed
You wanted a future with them
But when I mention our lives your voice becomes numb
I want you to show me that I wrong
That your goal in the end is us and i'm not being strung along
Who hurt you to where you can’t love me with the capacity you once could
Am I the problem? Or do you stand where they once stood?
Jun 14, 2020
Jun 14, 2020 at 7:17 AM UTC
I have nightmares of wearing a white vail
Still tethered to him by the shock collar he put on my finger
He made my weakness his strength
So when he got on a knee
I said yes because I was scared of what it meant to say no
But now I'm with another who I fear
Feels trapped the same that I did
He tells me that he won't leave
But I've been on his end of the conversation
I'm scared that my breaking of a vow
Will haunt me with the first man I've truly loved
My nightmare isn't that I'm still with him
My nightmare is that I have become him
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 9:01 PM UTC
I will raise a better daughter than my mother did
I will raise a daughter who has a voice that cannot be muzzled
a daughter who does not measure her self worth with a scale
a daughter who will not let a man speak down to her, even her own father
a daughter who does not back down because she's told to
a daughter who does not need to hide her moments of weakness to protect those who should have protected her
a daughter who puts herself first
a daughter who wants her mind to out weigh her beauty
adaughter who does not think that her place is a slave to a man
I will raise a daughter in a way God did not create my family to raise a woman
I will raise the kind of daughter I wish my mother raised me to be
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 7:22 PM UTC
Some days I still crave the idea of death
the escatsy that comes with having no breath
Some days I'm scared of the person in the mirror
maybe without tears her image would be clearer
Some days the voice in my head is the only thing I can hear
but I don't know if it's her or the silence I should fear
Some days breathing is a job with no pay
and I can't figure out why I still stay
Some days it's all just too much
but they tell me happiness is almost in my clutch
Some days I just want it to end
but they tell me my heart is on the mend
Some days feel like there will never be a next
but waking up is my godly hex
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 5:55 PM UTC
Im addicted to your skin on mine
because I can feel for the first time
I wake up still dreaming of you lips on my neck
and my hands making your hair a wreck
before you I was trapped in the body of a corpse
now i'm brought to life and im not sure worse
your hands are the first to earn my bodies trust
and now for them I have an overwhelming lust
Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 5:42 PM UTC
She tells me the truth I want to know
in the mirror she shows me what I know is here
that no one sees
She's let's me know my paranoia is speaking the words others won't
She confirms my feeling that I don't deserve the love he's professed to me
and she whispers to me the names of the girls he thinks of while he holds me at night
She tells me that my family would be better off if I was dead
that my mom would finally have the family she wants
She makes me fear every I love you
and every smile is just a trojan horse
waiting to destroy everything I built
I'm told to block her out
I'm told that she isn't real
but this ******* voice in my head is the only thing that's never left
May 28, 2020
May 28, 2020 at 8:07 PM UTC
I can't get the words out of my head
like the vision of a man lying dead
as she professed her love for you
because of a night I didn't have a clue
I'm trying to relearn trust
now for ignorance I have a lust
I have nightmares of ever smile you ever gave
and to my paranoia i'm now a slave
I can't kiss you the same
or believe the love that you claim
I have visions of her lips on yours
but I'm scared that they're truths from behind closed doors
I try to love you with out fear
but I need the truth to be clear
May 28, 2020
May 28, 2020 at 7:12 PM UTC
I sit by our front door to make sure that mud doesn't get in
and if it doesn't I quietly wash it away before you can see
so that you always have a clean home in me
and when it rains I become an umbrella
so that you never see a storm
and when it's cold I ignite a fire from my flesh
so that you never know what it's like to freeze.
But the mud has begun to drag me into a grave
and the lighting has struck me to where I can no longer breathe
and my fire has lost all kindling.
There is nothing left of me to give
I'm crying out for you to open your eyes
and save me from the ashes i've become for you
I need you at my door
by myside in the store
and I need your flame to reignite the one i've lost
I need you.
More than anything I need you
May 28, 2020
May 28, 2020 at 6:03 PM UTC