And I'm 30
And it's Gin and ice and pine sap burning.
Melancholy mixed with a God complex.
Enough bullets for my enemies
and myself.
A desire for violent peace.
And I sit by.
Letting the world and my obligations
pull me about.
I've no doubt
heard the whispering.
I'm a man of tradition.
I'm a heathen.
But I'm a man you can count on
when there's bleeding
to be done.
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 11:32 PM UTC
I promise you
I am not blind
I am not naive
I am not simple
I am simply
genuinely
too trusting
too willing
to give everyone
the benefit of the doubt,
to believe that people
are not born evil
and cruel
but conditioned
to be so.
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 11:17 PM UTC
I wont wait forever
for you to choose.
They say you shouldnt have to
but thats not true.
I have life to live.
As much as I want you
by my side,
us against the world,
I can't stay.
You can come
or stay where you are.
The choice is yours.
But I need to know
if you're all in
like me.
If not
Im done.
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 11:17 PM UTC
Back I go
To average Joe
Someone I haven't been
for longer than I can remember
someone I'm terrified of,
someone who kept me up late,
and woke me an hour later,
put me on the chopping block,
put me in a room with all the doors locked,
turned me to stone,
gave me nightmares so that I could atone
for existing.
And if I go to sleep
and don't wake up
then Id just be
an average joe.
Feb 22, 2024
Feb 22, 2024 at 11:35 PM UTC
And there it is
That seductive glass of ice
Pulling me in
Keeping my head
just below the surface.
As the firm embrace of numb takes hold.
As the images blur and shift
As it all slips away
The calm
Before the panic
The stabbing pain
And euphoria.
Oct 6, 2023
Oct 6, 2023 at 9:45 PM UTC
I let myself down again.
These expectations I imagine
Others placed on me
weigh me down.
But it's only me.
It's my head.
It's my god **** body
that is never
strong enough,
fast enough,
I never learn quick enough
I surely learned early
that I'll never be enough.
To fail one time in a thousand
is one too many.
I'm just not the man
I expect myself to be
I'm just me
And it's not enough.
Aug 15, 2023
Aug 15, 2023 at 10:10 AM UTC
Because the day will come
where they come for you
and all you love.
They better pray to their god,
and beseech their idols of control,
that they are as dangerous as I.
Apr 11, 2023
Apr 11, 2023 at 7:30 AM UTC
And there it is again
that feeling, that inescapable, tormenting
dread.
The quiet is a knife and my limbs are like lead.
Rocks in my stomach as air leaks from my
lungs,
and will not fill them.
I'm breathless and silent as the grave.
Waiting,
to be told that you made a mistake,
that it wasn't your fault
that it just happened
and you didn't want it to,
but you don't even want justice
for the things he did to you.
It tears me apart.
Heartbreaking
pain and hate
it's too late
to take back all the love, time, and life
that I poured and poured into us.
And you take his side
when I say how I feel.
You tell me
I'm overreacting
No
I am passionate
A man of action
I pay all my debts
and fulfill my promises.
And that's more than can be said
for you.
Mar 26, 2023
Mar 26, 2023 at 4:09 PM UTC
No one is coming.
No one is going to reach in and pull you out
of this dark pit
you've made your home
again and again.
No one is going to save you
from the shadows that visit in the night,
the demons that follow you in daylight.
No one is coming.
No relief.
No respite.
No rest.
No release.
No one is coming
for me.
Mar 18, 2023
Mar 18, 2023 at 10:17 AM UTC