I am nostalgic for humanity, the good in humans. My emotions have been consequential lately. I feel that I’m not ready for the emotions of others, negative emotions because of my actions. If they could feel what I feel, see what I see, would they treat me different? Would it change their response? I’m honest, yet deemed a horrible person. No matter..life moves on with or without you. I can’t stick around to ponder on the feelings of others. I have my own self inflictions. I’ve been feeling so sad and guilty about Jay. I had a dream about him. I fell into hole after his death and found comfort in it. I feel extra lonely lately and I like it. Puts my reality into perspective. I’m always so torn that’s my reality. Everything is half and half with me. Half of me enjoys being lonely, the other half wants someone around. I just don’t want them to confuse the need of company as a need of commitment. If they are more than that to me then I’ll let that individual know. I wanna self reflect so badly. Half of me wants a friend, someone consistent and the other half feels lustful, I want someone consistent for that as well. Every situation is a triangular spectrum. Both sides can be chosen and beautiful colors will show...a beautiful outcome is possible
Jun 6, 2019
Jun 6, 2019 at 11:16 PM UTC
Yes I have fears, yes they’re derived from my past. But I’ve become so empathetic with my fears so they are present but they don’t consume me or alter my feelings. I fear vulnerability, I fear pain, I fear loneliness, I fear you and the power that comes when you feel so deeply for someone. But my fear of not taking that risk is even worse. I fear losing out on feeling like every inch of me unthreads when you kiss me or touch. I fear days without you. I fear not hearing your voice. I fear losing out on the love that could be exchanged between us and fear the leap of faith I’m taking but I fear most staying stagnant and watching love pass me by on the other side so I will like you because of my fears but I will also love you despite all the other fears.
Jun 6, 2019
Jun 6, 2019 at 1:22 PM UTC
It puts me at ease to trace the details of your skin
Admiring every pore down to the mole on your chin
The way your thumb is perched on your lip with the slightest grin
Eyes closed, mind wandering back to a world only you know
The light creeps in across your skin, a luminescent glow
I’ve never seen morning be so kind to someone I know
You’re beautiful to me in a way that can’t be explained
The way I look at you with such detail could be deemed insane
My idea of your beauty is unfathomed
Every inch...every spasm
I pray to experience morning like this with you for days to come
Sacrificing sleep to see in that first morning sun
Jun 5, 2019
Jun 5, 2019 at 12:57 AM UTC
Us poets, we live two lives
The one on the outside and the one in our mind
The regular life and then the one that is divine
I’d rather have the company of the thoughts in my head
Rather than needing to apologize for the ones that have been said
People are so sensitive until they are the ones to offend
I’d much rather live the one where I don’t have to defend
Mar 9, 2019
Mar 9, 2019 at 6:00 PM UTC
Sometimes I wanna be alone
Just to beg for company in silence
Sometimes I wanna be alone
To convince my self I need some peace and quiet
Sometimes I wanna be alone
Just to convince myself solitude is my home
But do I really wanna be alone
Because inside I’m just hoping someone will hit my phone
Just to say...you’re not alone
Just to say...I’m here for you
Just to say...you’ll make it through
Just to convince me I gotta do what I gotta do
But in all honesty I have no clue
No clue how to see it through
But maybe I just need someone to tell me that feeling like all this is okay too
Feb 5, 2019
Feb 5, 2019 at 7:30 PM UTC
It’s pretty ironic, quite paradoxical
How I wake up in the morning and my thoughts just flock to you
Coincidentally I’m writing this
& incidentally you’re reading it.
Truthfully it’s about you
& how since I met you, you’re in everything I do
It’s slight deja-vu but still new
The perfect conversational dates
Spoiling you with foreplay of our fate
Not sure if we have souls or if it’s just a metaphor for our essence
Either way I can’t wait for our souls to mingle in your presence
Your lingering words left for me to assemble
I’m imagining my touch makes you tremble
Just stick around for what’s to come and it will all be so simple
Jan 16, 2019
Jan 16, 2019 at 7:05 PM UTC
Is this a new me or did I fool me?
Kinda like I did you
Who knew my best attribute would be infidelity
I’d trade it all back if I knew you wouldn’t care for me
But what did I expect?
You asked for honesty and I served you disrespect
All for some temporary emotion I couldn’t keep in check
Now it’s all a mess
Now I have less...
None of you and less of me
How did I turn into someone I never planned to be
I made you feel so temporary
Now I’m left alone and this **** is scary
I know I took a piece of you
And in return I lost myself
Left with these consequences of my selfish decisions
I cry inside so my emotions stay hidden
So I sit in my room..the self made protagonist
Wishing the pain away and that it never happened like this
Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 1:07 AM UTC
I pity the living & I envy the dead. Their war with this society is over and they know peace.
Jun 10, 2018
Jun 10, 2018 at 7:57 PM UTC
Can I see your naked soul before I see you physically naked? Can you undress for me starting with your insecurities? Can you tell me stories? The ones you never told please. Start with all the secrets. Can I kiss all of your body? Touch it like miles of plains and dive in the waves of any untouched oceans you may have. Can I introduce you to my way? The right way, the high way, the rough way, the you ready to get cuffed and ****** bae? Can I still make the ****** tension high? Even though if we ask permission we’d probably both deny. Do you wanna smoke and get high? Express your feelings whether you laugh or you cry. Would you do both? Probably would do the same with my hands around your throat. Is it cool if I tell you my stories? Even the ones that are painful, dark and gory. How if I was a guy I might have came in a couple girls and ended up on Maury. **** is super crazy. But can you really blame me? Just wanna tell you everything so you can break me down and tame me. Is it ok if my poetry doesn’t rhyme? Does it make it better knowing it’s about you and I still took the time? Can we talk about your past? Digging into graves will make the friendship last. Let’s talk about how when I met you I patted soil over the seeds you planted on me. All these conversations and poetry water them. You’ve made me some what of a tree, growing with inspiration....branching and leafing off into new things, new ideas, new emotions, new exchanges, new friendship, new intimacy and new compassion. But I’ve finally figured out what I like most about you, you give the people around you reasons to be happy, an aura that sets the mood, and a laugh that sets the vibe. I think that’s why you intrigued me the most. I’ve haven’t met someone in so long to share so many qualities at one time. It’s different...amongst many other things, it makes you beautiful.
Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 4:27 AM UTC
I hear people speak of the pleasures of war. Funny how all who say that are kings or bystanders enjoying their freedom. I wish they were more careful with their words. People like myself who over hear them might get upset. It triggers a horrid reminder of the situations that presents itself to us everyday in the form of a “job”, no matter any of those feelings or thoughts..this is the life we are in. Ensure you give thanks for this life, if you see no reason then the fault is only in yourself. Know that when your time comes, don’t allow your heart to be filled with fear of death. Arrive at your death happy, maybe a little drunk, in love and late. Live your life to the fullest so when the time comes you are not scared and praying for more time to live life differently. Life in its simplest form is so much more enjoyable but we have built blockades of distractions for ourselves and we might never know. Life is no longer the goal, it’s whatever someone self perceived peak of happiness is, they are nostalgiac for something they’ve never had.
Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 4:26 AM UTC