Oceaneyes - Hello Poetry

All my strength is gone I can't fake it anymore I'm not strong I'm not resilient I'm weak, broken Damaged, alone I'm too tired to fight So I just let them in Let my thoughts win And I'm so grateful for these masks So I don't have to wear mine No forced smile to hide behind And if you see it in my eyes It's so much easier now To say "I'm just tired, But yeah I'm fine".

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Dec 12, 2020

Dec 12, 2020 at 1:45 AM UTC

Masks

All my strength is gone I can't fake it anymore I'm not strong I'm not resilient I'm weak, broken Damaged, alone I'm too tired to fight So I just let them in Let my thoughts win And I'm so grateful for these masks So I don't have to wear mine No forced smile to hide behind And if you see it in my eyes It's so much easier now To say "I'm just tired, But yeah I'm fine".

16

It's getting bad again Snuck up unexpectedly Simple tasks leave me drained Won't sing to my favorite songs And the things that used to excite me Just leave me feeling numb. Laundry piling up Dishes in the sink Don't want to move Too tired to think. I have to try to push it down Been doing too well to backslide But I can't even mutter the words Or fake a smile to hide behind Doing the bare minimum To keep myself alive To satisfy my friends and family But what if one of these days That's not a good enough reason for me

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Dec 4, 2020

Dec 4, 2020 at 1:58 AM UTC

Backslide

It's getting bad again Snuck up unexpectedly Simple tasks leave me drained Won't sing to my favorite songs And the things that used to excite me Just leave me feeling numb. Laundry piling up Dishes in the sink Don't want to move Too tired to think. I have to try to push it down Been doing too well to backslide But I can't even mutter the words Or fake a smile to hide behind Doing the bare minimum To keep myself alive To satisfy my friends and family But what if one of these days That's not a good enough reason for me

19

Constantly awaiting for my brain to stop being my worst enemy Always at war against the thoughts that try defeating me And when my mental illness rears its head it's so disheartening Because I've been trying so hard to let go of that part of me However 15 years of struggling doesn't go away that easily Trying to find meaningful connections is impossible without purposely ruining things When the consistent mantra my brain keeps telling me That when it comes to love, you will never be worthy

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Sep 3, 2019

Sep 3, 2019 at 1:35 AM UTC

Giving In Is Easier Than Fighting

Constantly awaiting for my brain to stop being my worst enemy Always at war against the thoughts that try defeating me And when my mental illness rears its head it's so disheartening Because I've been trying so hard to let go of that part of me However 15 years of struggling doesn't go away that easily Trying to find meaningful connections is impossible without purposely ruining things When the consistent mantra my brain keeps telling me That when it comes to love, you will never be worthy

8

I just want you to love me but I know you never will Why would someone make me feel like I'm wanted, beautiful and worthy When all anyone wants is my body And what they can do to me.

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Aug 26, 2019

Aug 26, 2019 at 1:12 AM UTC

But there's still a heart in there

I just want you to love me but I know you never will Why would someone make me feel like I'm wanted, beautiful and worthy When all anyone wants is my body And what they can do to me.

6

Some people are afraid of flying out of fear of falling from the sky but I've been falling for so long with no end in sight so you see, when I'm soaring above the clouds I dream of the plane falling down because at least I know I'll finally hit solid ground

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Apr 14, 2019

Apr 14, 2019 at 12:08 AM UTC

Solid Ground

Some people are afraid of flying out of fear of falling from the sky but I've been falling for so long with no end in sight so you see, when I'm soaring above the clouds I dream of the plane falling down because at least I know I'll finally hit solid ground

9

I live my life just waiting to die but death sure is taking its time. So sometimes, I blow through stop signs to try and speed things up.

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Feb 4, 2019

Feb 4, 2019 at 12:49 AM UTC

Stop Signs

I live my life just waiting to die but death sure is taking its time. So sometimes, I blow through stop signs to try and speed things up.

7

I'm not sure who I am or where I'm going what choices to make which direction to go just floating in space. always alone. when I do open up about how I feel inside "I'm always here for you" yet they're nowhere in sight no one checks in to see how I am temporary caring permanent hurting I feel unwell fragile, broken where do I turn who do I tell how do I get help? and do I even want it?

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Jan 10, 2019

Jan 10, 2019 at 1:58 PM UTC

Help Me; Leave Me Alone

I'm not sure who I am or where I'm going what choices to make which direction to go just floating in space. always alone. when I do open up about how I feel inside "I'm always here for you" yet they're nowhere in sight no one checks in to see how I am temporary caring permanent hurting I feel unwell fragile, broken where do I turn who do I tell how do I get help? and do I even want it?

21

Each morning I practice my smile in the mirror above the bathroom sink Does this look real enough, is my happiness convincing? And this hollow, vacant shell where a human should be does it look alive? like a normal functioning body? And when you look into my eyes "the windows of the soul" do they sparkle, shine brightly? can you tell that they are empty?

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Dec 14, 2018

Dec 14, 2018 at 10:54 PM UTC

Am I Happy Yet?

Each morning I practice my smile in the mirror above the bathroom sink Does this look real enough, is my happiness convincing? And this hollow, vacant shell where a human should be does it look alive? like a normal functioning body? And when you look into my eyes "the windows of the soul" do they sparkle, shine brightly? can you tell that they are empty?

12

How can one feel so empty and hollow yet at the same time so full of pain how does one continue on how can one live this way and why do I have to? I'm not saying that I am hopeless, because I do have hope that at the end of each day I won't live to see the next because why do I have to? Keep fighting, it'll be okay some day, one day, maybe. just continue to suffer endlessly, to please your family. But why do I have to? "Your life is important You need to take care of yourself" But I'm tired, I'm so tired. Why do I have to? Take a breath. Push through. But why the **** do I have to?

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Nov 28, 2018

Nov 28, 2018 at 11:14 PM UTC

Unrealistic Expectations

How can one feel so empty and hollow yet at the same time so full of pain how does one continue on how can one live this way and why do I have to? I'm not saying that I am hopeless, because I do have hope that at the end of each day I won't live to see the next because why do I have to? Keep fighting, it'll be okay some day, one day, maybe. just continue to suffer endlessly, to please your family. But why do I have to? "Your life is important You need to take care of yourself" But I'm tired, I'm so tired. Why do I have to? Take a breath. Push through. But why the **** do I have to?

25

There is only so much of yourself that you can give away until there is nothing left And I was giving you parts of me that I never even had. And it's not that I don't love you It's just that it hurts It's just that everything hurts How the **** do I stop hurting? I wake up every morning Force myself out of bed Maybe shower, brush my teeth Maybe force myself to eat Keep myself alive But truth is I don't want to be I pray for death daily And I'm sorry I'm so sorry You had to meet me.

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Jul 22, 2018

Jul 22, 2018 at 4:02 AM UTC

Deepest Apologies

There is only so much of yourself that you can give away until there is nothing left And I was giving you parts of me that I never even had. And it's not that I don't love you It's just that it hurts It's just that everything hurts How the **** do I stop hurting? I wake up every morning Force myself out of bed Maybe shower, brush my teeth Maybe force myself to eat Keep myself alive But truth is I don't want to be I pray for death daily And I'm sorry I'm so sorry You had to meet me.

18