***
I’d love to rediscover *** with you
Recreate it
Give it a new meaning
I want to learn how to have *** all over again - with you
Ma’am
My attention is on you
This class involves an interactive conversation of more than words
My lips
They will cease to speak but my hands won’t
Your skin and mine need to have a very important conversation
If you turn the page, you will see that I am in love with you. From the start of this sexbook to the last page, you’ll notice that each page is laced with the lace you wear when class is about to start
Class is in session
My attention is my affection so forgive me if I’m practical about my understanding
Theoretically, two are meant to become one without subtraction - it could be a fraction - not mathematically, just according to you and me
Class is in session
Mouth to mouth
You’d think I’m saving your life but you’re the one taking my breath away
Chest compressions turn thrusts
Chest to hips
Mouth to mouth turns to mouth to lips
You’d swear that one was drowning
Class is in session
I struggle to pay attention
It gets different when I have to articulate my understanding to your pleasure
It gets different when my grades are judged on your response
Class is in session
Physical Ed has never been this physical
I’m trying make sense of your moist skin
It went from sweats to streams of your satisfaction dripping down my lips like I just had a meal that left my mouth watering
Class is in session
I’m open to correction
Wherever you hands lead me, I’ll follow
I don’t usually ask, but do you swallow?
It’s not a prerequisite
As long as it fits
Class is in session
My attention is my affection so forgive me if I’m practical about my understanding
Your body is a runway
I plan to land
Your smile lighting up the way
Your eyes - my destination
Class is in session
I love you
I love everything about you
Recreating moments of intimacy will be one class I don’t mind repeating
This is the one class where being bad, is good
Your body
The memo to this test
Straight A’s
Class is in session
I’ve studied you
From head to toe
Physically
I’ve memorized what you look like even on days when your skin seeks refuge in your wardrobe
I’ve watched you grow
I’ve learned to love you seasonally
I’ve learned to love you with the warmth of summer on cold winter days
I’ve learned to Spring to your rescue when your leaves fall
I’ve been dying to make love to you
Spiritually
Emotionally
Psychologically
Ultimately, physically
Class is in session
If I promise to love you and make love to you like I’m falling in love with you daily, would promise to love me while making love to you daily?
Class is in session
Life’s toughest lesson was living without you
That’s a class I hope to never take again
Aug 6, 2020
Aug 6, 2020 at 5:33 PM UTC
High school
I was new to this love thing
Crushes were a usual thing
I never really acted on it
I was never one for relationships
Things change though
I remember when our conversations started
Not too long after, it felt like something was missing when I hadn’t heard from you
You were one to stay after school
I was one to go home
I never believed in extra mural activities but then I fell in love with someone who did
For some reason, her cellphone battery span was only enough for the school day but nothing after that
I got used to it
It became routine to get home from school knowing it would still be a few hours till I heard from you
Oh man
When you finally got home, you’d have to juggle between giving me attention, taking a shower and doing schoolwork
Our phone calls would be brief
My broke *** never had airtime like that
Those short calls were almost predicting the future of our relationship. Short but somehow, meaningful.
You were the first person to introduce me to red flags
You were my first real relationship
I’d like to believe I loved you
I guess I dived in a little too quickly, too soon
You did everything right
I had no standards
No expectations
I was along for the ride - no matter how short it turned out to be
I didn’t even know myself back then
Almost 10 years later and I still have memories of how dishonesty was a comfortable place for you
I made excuses for you
The worst part was that I made excuses to myself, for you
I betrayed myself
On multiple occasions
I vouched for you
To myself
I held you at a higher esteem than I held myself
I remember this all too well
We were in different schools
You were one of the popular girls
I was the one with the jokes
We were never meant to be
Somehow, you caught my attention
You spoke words that eased my uncertainty
I believe you loved me at some point
I just wasn’t what you were looking for
I was in the slow lane and you were in the fast lane
No matter how many gears I switched, you were always way ahead of me
You broke my heart when dishonesty became normal
You broke my heart when lies were just a part of your conversations
You broke my heart when I had no business giving it to you
It’s ironic
I had no business loving you but I never made that any of your business
Instead, I gave you the best of me and you gave me enough to keep me at bay
Moments later, you flipped your switch to a red light and I stopped. Time taught you that you had lost a gem while getting rocked to sleep at night.
When your light turned to green i was already in a different lane
It doesn’t take me long to get over you
It takes me a while to get over what you did to me
I wish we did better
I wish we never met in the capacity of a relationship
Sincerely, a now broken church kid.
Jul 30, 2020
Jul 30, 2020 at 7:42 PM UTC
I’d imagine that our schedules are a Big Bang because they always collide
We try make time but somehow time never agrees with the decisions that we make so I guess we tend to miss each other more than we should
Under the same roof but only for the moments where we’re under the same sheets
The in betweens are vetted by ‘to-do’ lists and responsibilities
We have time
Just not enough time for each other
It’s funny how this pandemic comes and saves our relationship like a life saved by a paramedic
We’re meant to live out our lives at home, now we have to work from home so we work on our house to make it a home
Forced to rekindle the spark to this fire
Under instruction, for us to spend to time together with no disruption
Learning love all over again, building and repairing our union, constantly under construction
Quarantined with the love of my life
We’re probably sick of each other because we’re growing on each other
I guess we’re contagious and this home is our con-tangent
If my affection was identified as a cough, and my sneeze as time - I’d become your common cold
If my love was identified as a fever then girl you know I have the hots for you
I can’t go outside
Physically
Emotionally
Psychologically
Spiritually
I wouldn’t want to be outside of this love
I want to be Quarantined in the lines of your heart
Indefinitely
I’d chill on the couches of your heart
Cuddled up in blankets of your love
Watching a Kanye concert cause our love’s locked down
Jul 26, 2020
Jul 26, 2020 at 3:50 PM UTC
There’s supposedly 5 love languages recognized world wide by different relationships.
Some melt with a touch, while some are appreciated by gifts, others enjoy splurging time, some are sprinkled with affirmations, and some are indulged by acts of service.
All these love languages play the role in making sure that love is properly articulated to the understanding of the recipient.
Many are paired with someone who expresses love differently yet they still make it work.
Could it be that opposites don’t attract but similarities do?
I’m yet to see a person stand for a love they do not understand. Better yet, I’m yet to see someone receive a love they can’t reciprocate.
A language is only understood by those who speak it. Often, communication is compromised when love is not the language you have in common.
Repetition
Repetition doesn’t always provoke understanding. When I constantly tell you that I love you and you don’t get it or when I show you love through the denomination of a physical touch to translate my feelings and you don’t get it - it makes me feel that we’re of two different people, not meant to be more than strangers.
I translate love to touch
A touch isn’t always automatic
A touch requires cognizance
A touch is intentional
Physical touch is where I thrive because it’s intentional
Intentionalism is the tip of an iceberg
The process to intentionalism is built up with a train of thoughts and a ocean of feelings
It’s hard to intentionally touch someone who you don’t love
It’s hard to feel comfortable with extending a motion of physicality in a direction of another human being who you expect to respond warmly to your touch
Or to respond with understanding
Understanding and tracing the purpose of the touch
A touch that is translated to a love
Your love
Our love
I guess my love language could be sign language because it’s literal
My hands have signed your skin almost like you’re a canvas of graffiti
You look like love
You are love
My Love
Jul 24, 2020
Jul 24, 2020 at 2:22 PM UTC
It started with me getting lost in her presence while soaking up her essence
That later turned to sessions of unplanned lessons about how many of them she makes me count, including herself - blessings
This is a truth I’ll keep confessing because she graced her way into my life making matters of my heart pressing - making falling in love with my best friend so refreshing
It’s been a long time coming
We’ve been oblivious to it but somehow we saw this would turn into something
Time has a funny way of turning nothing into the one thing you never knew you needed
Wholeheartedly I had been searching for a love - a love as pure as hers. Subconsciously, our interactions became interviews - those turned to shared views and the love we yearned to experience from past relationships made us more deserving of a love that’s true
Our chemistry
Unmatched
She became the back of my hand
A constant presence
Her and I apart looked unfamiliar
By my side is where you’d find her most
And Of all the pet names, Fam was the one I occupied the longest
Babe is the one I hope to carry forever
She’s not big on last name changes
I’d settle for hyphenating
She’s teaching me that love has no prerequisite
Love isn’t a piece of paper, neither is it a wedding band
Love is a decision
Made with precision and of all the spaces she occupied, I can’t wait for her to occupy the forever position
This is a fairytale
One that had us overlooking each other
It later had us lost in each other’s eyes
I’ve been lost in her eyes since, but I’ve never felt so much safety in a heart
She’s God best piece of art
A canvas
Riddled with perfection
The only thing left is for me to pop the question
Will you...?
Jul 24, 2020
Jul 24, 2020 at 2:19 PM UTC
Dear Readers
Thank you.
For all the times that you took an asset as valuable as time, to exercise the art of word play, to convey messages that my mouth can’t, for reasons you may never know, I thank you.
It’s not everyday that one openly expresses themselves to a stranger, and they respond with understanding. How can a platform so anonymous feel so warm? My heart is humbled!
Sep 19, 2019
Sep 19, 2019 at 6:10 PM UTC
I hope his hugs feel safe and secure.
I hope his actions are as active as his words
I hope his love surpasses the thought of being less than what you are
I hope his mind never wanders from yours and I hope his heart beats with syllables of your name while his veins pump the respect you deserve
I hope your smile is genuine and real and I hope your heart is content with his love
I hope your being finds comfort in his
I hope your love for him is as strong as the fibers that knit eternity into the souls of your mate
I hope your soul merges with his like a soulmate should
I wish you happiness
I wish you joy
I wish you have peace
Sep 19, 2019
Sep 19, 2019 at 6:07 PM UTC
I miss what we had
I miss the long walks, the lunch dates that turned to dinner dates.
I miss the ice cream stops, that had us lost in conversation, not looking for direction because being lost in your company means I had reached my destination.
I miss the late night calls, that turned to early morning calls.
I miss having the sound of your voice whisper joys of laughter in my ear while I smirk secretly, taking pride in making my lady laugh to a point where her laugh was inaudible, now she’s totally inaudible. I hardly hear her voice and my day goes by without her saying hi, and sometimes I feel like this is goodbye.
Goodbye to the memories, and the future. Goodbye to the past, and the future and now when I do role call, Absent is always in attendance, taking your place, almost like you were never there but my mind holds evidence of your presence, and now you’re always present in every thought and every action, and not to mention how I find myself making conversation of our old conversations, and starring closely at your pictures, hoping that somehow, life will favor me with you, and somehow you’d jump out these pictures on my communication device so I can communicate with you without needing this device.
Somehow, I wish the Present will come to its senses, so we can, once again, finish each other sentences. If not, I’ll settle for just your essence that I apply like a fragrance, walking around with your scent like a cologne or fragrance that never loses its scent, it doesn’t make sense how I have to live without you because life has been quite heavy and at some point I lived for you.
And no, I won’t die without you but my perception of love and my willingness to love will. I don’t see life without you but if I have to, I might as well have one Rib. I’ll be Adam who doesn’t need no Eve that will leave on the eve of their forever. I will be Adam in the garden of Eden, working and praying to God that the pain of not having my rib won’t pierce my heart like how Jesus’ side was pierced, and just like Jesus, if that pain ever manifested I’d bleed love, and every trace of you.
If the pain ever pierced my side, I’d bleed out. My insides will have your finger prints on it, and I know it doesn’t make sense to have finger prints on a dense liquid but your touch is so deep that my blood would bleed the fragrance of your essence, and your words would be the vessels to having experienced your presence, and my heart would embody your body as my body embraced yours, so vigorously, but cautiously because passion and pleasure need to make room for love, just like how I made room in my heart for you.
If I ever have to live without you, I will accept it and move on. I will forget about you, and never speak of you. I, will live my life having forgotten you ever existed. Haha, I know right. I had myself going for a moment. If I ever have to live life without you, let life live life without me.
Sep 19, 2019
Sep 19, 2019 at 6:03 PM UTC
I wish I had more time with her
I wish I had more time to show her how much love I had for her.
I wish I had more time to make her feel special and wanted, mostly needed because I couldn’t go too long without craving her presence.
I wish I didn’t think I was in over my head
I never even say that cause I kinda don’t know what it means but that doesn’t matter because I wanted to show her that she mattered past the things that never made sense to me, until she came along
I mean, I’d never truly believed in having a happy home until she came along
She made me look forward to having her wake up next to me and her eyes meeting mine almost like how the moon meets the sun in a solar eclipse, and our lips lock like the lock she has on my heart. I couldn’t wait to wake up next to her, and giggle because ... if I’m totally honest.. no one has **** breath when they wake up but if there’s anyone I’d love to wake up next to with stank breath, it would be her.
I never believed that I could be a great partner but she made me believe that I had the capability and ability to make her so happy that all her past relationships would have been testing grounds for the actual thing.
I never believed in spending the rest of my life with one person until she became the one person I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life without
I never believed in love at first sight. I still don’t. I think that’s slightly emotionally impossible to place so much trust in one person after just one encounter. When I saw her for the first time, I didn’t even see her in that light. I didn’t think something so good could come from her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s amazing and she’s been amazing since I met her but I guess my insecurities overtook my logic and now I look stupid because I’ve been in the presence of perfection and I treated her like she was basic.
That’s a lie.
I treat her like gold, and I understand that there’s times where she’ll slip through my fingers because she constantly growing, so every time she gets melted down, she gets sculpted back up so perfectly. I guess there is such a thing we refer to as love at first sight. Waking up to her every morning would be the story of love at first sight.
Imagine waking up to your forever and she actually wants to be there. I know, it sounds odd, right? But imagine that you wake up next to someone who actually needs you just as much as you need them? I guess that is why I keep falling in love with her... because she keeps falling in love with me
Sep 19, 2019
Sep 19, 2019 at 6:02 PM UTC
It’s been a few years that most of my words have been centered around your existence
It seems like having you in my life has given me the voice I wish I had sooner
It seems that your presence evokes emotions that I would be oblivious to, had I not met you.
I’m still trying to figure this out.
I’m trying to make sense of why you’re so important. I thought I had it all figured out but I’m so tied to you that detaching would leave me more tangled than the ties I have to you
This seems like a deep hurt, and a heavy pain
It seems like I’ve been held against my will
It seems like I am captive to the beauty of your essence
If anything, this has been a rollercoaster of emotions. Too many seasons have passed, and when Fall came, we fell too.
I tripped over fairytales, and you tripped over reality. On your way down, I guess you dragged me down with you. I say that because a fairytale love is better than the “reality love” because reality makes us conscious of situations rather than each other’s presence. Fairytale love makes us oblivious to situations with intentions of hopefully not encountering hiccups along the way, but change of seasons are usually accompanied with sickness, so hiccups are bound to slow us down every now and then, but never forever.
You have been the reason that I get through most seasons. You’ve been answered prayers in your speech, and in your silence. You have been lessons. I have learned. I keep learning.
What I fail to understand is how two people that fall, stand up together. I fail to understand how the base of our bond was centered around being a safe space for each other, and when it matters most, the cold feet season seeps in and you get jittery about your insecurities, almost like you never nurtured mine.
I get scared too
Everyday, to be honest
I’m scared that I won’t be enough to keep you intrigued. I get scared that I won’t be able to keep up. I get scared that I might have to live life without you being a part of it. I get scared that I will have to wake up next to my second choice, knowing deep down that you are my one and only.
I think I get it
When things are going good, we get scared
Culture has taught us that too much of a good thing is bad for you. I can assure you, I’m not all good. I have issues, as do you. I make mistakes, as do you. I am fragile, as you are. We’re both clumsy.
I can hear the glass breaking already
I can see the mess on the kitchen floor of our fragile house - if you thought we were the glasses, then I guess you don’t see us past what we’ve unknowingly built.
Welcome home...?
Sep 19, 2019
Sep 19, 2019 at 6:01 PM UTC