when we sit in the shade
from the burning sun on the
autumn afternoon, listening
to the children hunt for eggs,
all i can think is that you all
belong here.
i am the imposter, i can feel that they know. your jokes are all funny and i can't find the energy to laugh.
i don't want to be here, i hate 'family lunch'es, i hate pretending to be alright when i just want to sit in my room, alone.
family is always priority for me,
but i cannot place them in my life.
so we sit, laughing with all your loved ones,
and i pretend not to feel alone.
Apr 4, 2021
Apr 4, 2021 at 2:09 PM UTC
above the ceiling is lit with bright lights that surround me,
the crowds around are gathered together, talking in
excited tones that pass my ears without reaching me.
can they not see that i am drowning?
i stand in the centre of the room, screaming for help
but they can't hear me, they don't notice or they don't care
my lungs are imploding, i can feel the weight crushing
every inch of my insides. nobody has looked at me yet.
i don't believe that they can't see me, it's impossible.
he extends a hand, holding it casually as though i'm not flooded
he says "just breathe, everything will be okay."
he doesn't understand that if i take a breathe, i will drown
i close my eyes, i can hear them now
"everything will be okay" they're repeating to me
i can read in their faces that they don't understand why i don't just breathe
i'm trying to breathe but it's become impossible and
all i can do is ask for death
but i'm not that lucky
Jan 26, 2020
Jan 26, 2020 at 4:40 PM UTC
i am a wooden cross
with a young girl strapped to
my chest. she is crying, i can
feel the fear, her desperation , running
through her body, thrashing as
she tries to break free of the bonds.
'are you a witch?' they ask her,
the crowd standing in front is
staring at her, waiting on her
next words. she weakly denies but
they are angered and feel defied.
at the bottom of my body, beneath
her feet, lies kindle and they touch
a burning torch to the loose straw and
immediately it flares up into flames,
beginning to burn my base.
the girl screams out, she doesn't deserve this,
she never wanted any of this. 'witch, witch' the
crowd chants as the fire crawls up my structure.
i can feel her fear as she tries to break free, the fear
grips my soul and there is nothing that i can do
but to hold her in place as she burns for crimes
that she did not commit.
Dec 12, 2018
Dec 12, 2018 at 6:33 AM UTC
old habits approach me like dealers
in the darkness. their faces hidden by shadow,
their intentions vivid as they whisper
wonderful promises of release,
of escape and of freedom.
i tell them no, push them away,
i attempt to stray towards the light.
they grab my wrist and spin me around,
holding tight as they look me in they eyes
and whisper "you're not going anywhere".
i try to hold out, but the fear is building
up inside, and i'm not sure if i am strong enough
to fight back, to win this constant battle.
i want to scream for help, i want to cry out
in desperation, but i am drowning.
Dec 3, 2018
Dec 3, 2018 at 9:10 AM UTC
false ideas and hopes
thrown into one simple decision
that was supposed to make
things better; it was
supposed to make things
better.
instead of feeling like
i'm constantly drowning
in my home town, i've moved
across the country and
now i'm suffocating under
day to day life and the
fact that things
have so far only
been getting
worse.
Nov 20, 2018
Nov 20, 2018 at 4:53 AM UTC
can you hear it? the scratching,
itching that's constantly wanting
to escape the confines of my brain.
can you hear it? the eternal screams
that i'm holding back, swallowing
and trying to suffocate.
can you hear it? the ticking of time
passing with nothing changing as
each day swings.
can you hear it? my last threads
of sanity slowly escaping my grasp,
knowing that there's so space left for it.
Oct 31, 2018
Oct 31, 2018 at 10:28 AM UTC
it's just temporary, but the feeling
is sticking with me through day
and night.
it's just temporary, but drowning
for days on end makes me feel
like i'm slowly fading.
it's just temporary, but i want to
feel alive, i want to crave life,
i want to live.
Sep 7, 2018
Sep 7, 2018 at 10:57 AM UTC
thinking, hoping, wondering.
for so long it was a question of
when life would begin to progress
forward - until now, when it is
happening.
am i ready? can i handle this?
for so long i'd only dreamed of
the mere possibility to the point
that, perhaps, i never believed
it would happen.
and now, here i sit. wondering.
everything i've been waiting for,
everything i've been working towards.
every day when i thought i couldn't go
on, every night when i didn't want to;
the dream was all that held me.
and now it is here. and i sit.
wondering.
am i ready?
Aug 1, 2018
Aug 1, 2018 at 8:28 AM UTC
i was lying with my head on your chest,
listening to your heartbeat,
when i was overwhelmed by sadness.
a sadness so deep i could feel it cutting
through me. a sadness so strong that i
felt like i was suffocating.
i balled a fist with your shirt, holding
tightly in case you slipped away; you,
the last thing that i have to keep me sane.
Jun 26, 2018
Jun 26, 2018 at 6:01 AM UTC
you would think that a friendship like
ours was indestructible.
you would think that friends as close
as we were would always
drift right back to each other.
i know that you weren't intending to
repair the rift between us,
but i'd been hoping - and you knew it.
you know me.
i was stupid, i was hoping.
but you've disappeared again,
and i feel like a fool.
May 31, 2018
May 31, 2018 at 9:20 AM UTC