Somewhere deep beneath the surface
I know that I deserve this
Im too far gone to save
Please
Don't waste your time on me
Wandering
Aimlessly to an unmarked grave
So tired of all the same things
Separate from sanctuary
That feeling dead and buried
Im so afraid to face myself
Turning into somebody else
I know you dont recognize these cold dead eyes
Ive lost the light inside
Slowly we're cascading
My soul is suffocating
Im breaking
Why does it have to be this way?
Forsaken
The only thing I've ever loved
Im faking
A silhouette of who i was.
Im an imposter
Failing to find peace
Trying but it seems
I might be
Falling farther
I may not come back from this
I barely ******* exist
Im an empty imposter
I cannot pretend
I feel anything real
I am destined to suffer in silence As we cascade
Its overwhelming
The urge i have to stay if I could find a way to coexist in misery
I know im not alone
But nowhere feels like home
With Noone to hold
I shut out the world
With Emotions of stone
Is it safe to say Im not okay?
Am I to blame?
Searching endlessly for something hidden inside me.
Its over now and I cant sleep
She's buried deep haunting my dreams
I feel her touch and It repeats
Releasing me from shadows chasms deep
I can feel
My heart start beating
This moment fleeting
Slowly we're cascading
Slowly we're cascading
My soul is suffocating
Im breaking
Why does it have to be this way?
Forsaken
The only thing I've ever loved
Im faking
A silhouette of who you lost
Slowly
Im suffocating
Over and over your watching me fading
Feels like my soul
Is just wasting away
Oh how were quickly cascading
You cant recognize the man behind these dead and bitter eyes
Im a ghost inside
Im the ghost thats lives inside in own skin
Your the reason I am lost inside my own head
Feb 28
Feb 28, 2026 at 2:18 PM UTC
Why did you call her back home?
When you did you stole a piece of me.
The earth still turns but im stuck here so empty.
I wish it was me
I remember screaming
How can I move on when half my heart stopped beating?
I cant remember her voice
I cant remember her face
You took her
Erased my memories
God tell me please.
Why did she need to die?
Tell me.
Why did she need to die?
Ill never get the chance
To tell her how much she's missed.
Ill never get to see how much she would have loved my kids.
I cant escape this feeling:
The pain of living with a cave in my chest.
Ive been ****** up since the day you left.
Unraveling at the seams, its consuming.
Taking it day by day
My mental health is not improving
This life isnt what I wanted at all.
This heartbreak washes over me like a melancholy waterfall.
You took away the only person who cared.
I said "Hail Mary's" you ignored my prayers
Now ill never forgive you
10/20
10/20
No, I will never forget you
10/20
10/20
Your death is the reason
Life and love is slowly fleeting.
Im failing to hold my composure
Ive come to grips I dont deserve any closure.
Faking fine
But im not alright.
At the gates ill hold you tight in my hands.
Ill keep you close ill never lose you again.
Theres no release from this vicious cycle im stuck in between
Theres no relief from this vicious cycle, ill never leave.
I will never leave.
God if you can hear me im cursing your name
For taking my mother away from me
You ripped her away
The only person I need
Screaming to the sky hoping shes still watching me.
Loving you from afar is so hard
My heart hates the distance between the earth and the stars.
Ill pray to see you at the end of my days
10/20
Until we meet again
Feb 23
Feb 23, 2026 at 11:48 AM UTC
Love loss
I had no clue what losing you would cost
Now im alone with these intrusive thoughts
Constantly thinking what could we be?
But you changed; that changed me.
Ill face this one my own like I've always had to
No guiding hand to pull me through
The way I did for you
Love loss
I know its sad to say
It hurts to see how little you mean to me
Im not scared
I was born to lose
How could leaving me do nothing to you?
You moved on, i went down with the ship
I sank so far below I found my abyss
Theres no light, no hope
Theres no way out it seems
I fail to see what ruining my life could teach
But if thats the case and its all just for show
Ill make my own way out
With a chair and some rope
My future is bleak, im empty
I fear my best days are far behind me
I knew id have to come face to face with the fact
I dont exist, I never have.
What's the point to wait?
Ill dig an early grave
Love loss
I had no clue what losing you would cost
Now im alone with these intrusive thoughts
Constantly thinking what could we be?
But you changed
"Its okay to be not okay"
So they say
Theres tension in the pit of my gut
It invites change but im stuck in this rut
The butterfly effect turns into regret
I find myself lost with no way back
Im leaving behind a piece of me
It might be worthless but its for you to keep
Hold it to your chest in the times that im missed
We'll meet again in the beyond I drift
Hand to a grave
Holding firm to where my spirit leads
Im afraid I cant escape the fragile empty
Im not supposed to feel this way
Please give me the strength to accept that which I cant change
Theres just some things you'll never change
But nothings okay
I cant see a future for me
"Its okay to be not okay"
.....so they say
Feb 18
Feb 18, 2026 at 10:01 AM UTC
Begging for mercy
Please god can you shine your light my way?
I know I've asked so many times
Am I a soul you cannot save?
Im losing my grip
I cant find strength inside of me
You've taken everyone I've loved
You created what I've become
You've taken everything from me.
I cant see a familiar face
Why would you change and turn your back on me?
I cant stay, there's nothing left to say.
Could there be another hope for me?
Can I fing peace or is this my reckoning?
I long for a love that I cant find.
Theres nothing left
I lost myself but your always on my mind
I hope your happy with or without me.
Do you understand the toll this takes?
Ive been losing sleep and struggling to put myself at ease.
It wasn't enough for you to betray my trust.
How could you just give your love to someone else?
I cant see a familiar face
Why would you change and turn your back on me?
I cant stay, there's nothing left to say.
You dont know what the **** you did to me.
I lose control when I think of the memories.
Ill cut you out of my heart with fake tears on your face.
Yet you cry and you beg and you say im your everything.
Let's make this clear
I feel no sympathy for your crocodile tears.
You left me empty
I cant move on after what you've done
I toss and turn at the thought
I won't bite my tongue this has gone on too long
The way you used me
I wouldnt wish this on anybody.
Feb 16
Feb 16, 2026 at 12:20 PM UTC
Reckoning
Another day spent hating everything
One foot in the grave waiting patiently for things to change.
Is that too much to ask?
Just cut the **** pierce a nerve; im on my last.
This is the straw that broke me
I spent all these years wishing and hoping
But someday never comes
Praying at the end of a loaded gun
Suffer silently forever
I know that Noone really cares
Ive got no clue why im still even here
Its all fake
Living life in a shade of gray
Wearing myself thin to a realm of unending pain.
What's the point? Ive got no choice
Ill just scream and **** and moan until I lose my voice.
I guess this is what its all come down to
Dwelling on the trauma I've been through
**** it
I know its never good enough
I could give you the world
You'd look at me in disgust
Hands are slowly fading
Losing what we loved most is draining
Sands like an hourglass running thin
Times up, all I see is what I hate within
Cracks forming, pressures not holding
Im breaking down
My souls corroding
So what's it gonna take to bring me back from this negative space?
My soul is outrunning me.
Anything, please just anything
Someone throw me a line, im ******* drowning.
Everyday it feels live everything is collapsing above me.
The weight has become far too much to bear
I stay silent so Noone will be aware
Im slowly dying on the inside
Symptoms of a less than deserved life.
Ill spend the rest of my days
Wondering what its going to take
To bring me back from this negative space.
But im so lost
Theres no way out
Can you feel me slowly drifting?
Deeper im falling
Its not worth crawling
Back to nothing
My world desolving
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 10:12 AM UTC
I feel a change of wind is pulling
me
Thoughts of suddenly severing everything.
A flaw in my design, corrupted this time
Taking steps to search inside for something ill never
find
Can I make another
excuse?
Do i have the strength to finally follow through?
The anxiety i feel is
taking
Everything i have inside to stop from shaking
I cant bring myself to utter the words
Its silence at
first.
Holding onto this curse.
Its so unfair, the pain and trauma Ill cause
Its not their fault their father is
gone
How can I look myself in the
eyes
Knowing this may change the rest of their lives
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 6:33 AM UTC
Im making distance to end my life on my own terms
Just look away like the world does as I get what I deserve
I dont feel the love of another
I gave up everything
She left me to suffer
She doesnt look at me with that spark in her eyes anymore
Its a distant gaze filled with memories we wish we could reclaim
She doesnt look at me with that spark in her eyes anymore
I know she ******* hates me deep down to her core
She didn't love me before
I became this beast
But will she remember me as the man that I pretend to be?
You see right through me
Endless
Are the breathes i seem to gasp for
Senseless
As im forced to die or swear upon a sword
Restless
Im losing grip on why I'm actually here
Defenseless
I can't leave this place but you dont want me near
Try to fight as I might
I know I won't survive
To find a permanent escape from
This cold reality
Im so sick of always breaking
Every promise I can't keep
I haven't found a reason
To end the cycle I repeat
"I realize it's hard at times, but I need you to open your eyes
See that light still shines
There are brighter skies
We can put this past behind"
No matter how many time I fight
This empty feeling will never subside
"If there is anything that I can do
Just know, I'll always be there for you
Please just open your eyes"
This all comes back to me
Im not as strong as I pretend to be and you see right through me
But I can't give in to this
This is the existential loop im stuck in
Endless
Are the breathes i seem to gasp for
Senseless
As im forced to die or swear upon a sword
Restless
Im losing grip on why I'm actually here
Defenseless
I can't leave this place but you dont want me near
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 4:08 PM UTC
Disdain for your reflection
Afraid of self rejection
Please exit this frame
Turn face and walk away
I just dont know what to do
Overcoming is up to you
I fear your stuck in this echo
I see you suffering
Plagued by grave uncertainty
Its overwhelming
Are you lost in your bleak?
Checking for a pulse like I can't see
Staring blankly at the same space
Are you coming back to me?
I would give up everything and anything to breach the static.
Your so numb you can't even see what we've become
Were hesitating
Its just ancient history
Soul anchor silence is suffocating
This deadweight drags me under endlessly
This room echos what you didn't speak.
Anxiety just complicates everything
Just push me aside as you deny everything
I cant keep watching you die
I see you suffering.
I see you suffering
Plagued by grave uncertainty
Its overwhelming
Are you lost in your bleak?
Checking for a pulse like I can't see
Staring blankly at the same space.
Please come back to me.
You claim that you saved me
Sick to death of this life is what you made me.
Im so sorry that I seem to dissappear
But disappointing you has become my deepest fear
**** this i know that im not worth it
Is this my only purpose?
Broken, I think im finally done with this
Give me a reason I should stay when you dont exist.
Nihilist
Feb 7
Feb 7, 2026 at 6:54 PM UTC
Living in a masquerade
Running from mistakes I've made
But the damage is done
I can't escape the monster I've become
I live everyday in a haze, half awake
Longing to feel something more than agony
If misery loves company
Why does everyone leave me?
I can't escape this place in my head
Taking steps from every wrong decision I've made.
Its unforgettable, the day I lost your touch
I only cope with memory's with this bottle as a crutch.
I dont know if I can escape this place in my head.
I've tried so many times
I hit rock bottom instead.
You say you know me but i dont know myself
Im just so sick of trying to be like everyone else.
Its not supposed to be this way
I can't find a way to change.
If misery loves company
Why does everyone leave me?
I can't escape this place in my head
Taking steps from every wrong decision I've made.
Im searching for a sign of life just to realize I am hollow inside.
I can't remember when I lost my light because I've never felt alive.
I've been thinking of ways to bring you back to me.
Nothing seems to work
I'm in love with the hurt.
Feb 7
Feb 7, 2026 at 6:41 PM UTC
Let's set this record straight
Oh how conveniently you've placed the blame on me.
Guess you haven't looked into a mirror as of late.
The reflection I see is telling of the disgusting things you've done
Your blaming your trauma on everyone you "love"
Its not their fault you hate yourself so much, your not the only one.
No one believes the siren song coming from your tongue.
You can't feel lonely, you put your self in this hole
Id tell you to look within but you sold your soul so long ago.
Now, your a useless empty vessel for the shadows you invite in
You made the choice to rot in **** when you pushed that needle in your skin
Forever ***** father have you finally come to your sense?
Was the rush worth losing your home and your kids?
Can you dig yourself out of the mess your in?
I really doubt it, your not the man that I remember you once were.
Look what you've done to everyone you claim to love
How many times can you die before I'm forced to pull the plug?
I don't want it to be this way
Feeling ashamed of the father i see in front of me
I will not be like you
I will never be like you
What's the point of making amends?
By this time next year you'll be a ghost in my head
No, I don't want to bury you
Im just sick of seeing what you put my mother through.
Im stuck between a rock and a hard place.
It hurts me to say I think we should part ways
Oh, but you dont care?
At least that's what you say with your vacant stare
If i could get through
I'd just say I miss the real you
I guess I should accept
Your never coming back
Forever ***** father have you finally come to your sense?
Was the rush worth losing your home and your kids?
Can you dig yourself out of the mess your in?
I ******* doubt it
I see you screaming through your bloodshot eyes.
I see no father of mine
You say "it's not what it seems"
I know your lying to me
The serpent takes and it consumes.
Then slithers away in the hopes you forget: but I can't.
You've taken all that i can give.
I won't do the same to my own kids.
I promise
This ends with me
Feb 7
Feb 7, 2026 at 6:34 PM UTC