It feels like the sun warms only you
Those black clouds slowly walk away
Body tension disappears
As you drown in the abyss of self-destruction
Aromas turn pleasant
Even the nauseous smoke
Sour, cheap, acidic flavors
Poking holes in your liver
Like Zeus’s eagle
Mind erases all right and wrong
You’re enlightened like Siddhartha
Beyond good and evil
Sometimes when it feels just right
You are alone
The notes play only the music of your soul
When it’s just right
You don’t thrive
It’s just enough
You are enough
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 7:08 AM UTC
Howling to be seen
Throat hurts from trying
Is it a cry for help
Or just mere survival?
Strong like faithful believers
But with holes in me
My weakness leaks
Like waterfalls
Hitting the ground with
So much force
Crushing
Shaping
A sculpture of me
That’s not identical
Am I malleable
Like clay in a master’s hands?
Transforming
Rejecting
My true form
Hoping that he will patch those holes
From which my weakness
Leaks
May 17
May 17, 2026 at 10:50 AM UTC
Just now I realized
That we are mortal
Autopsy won’t show
Anything special
Mortal
The word bugs me
So forceful
Yet so light
But it carries a weight
So heavy
So dark
Mortal
Just realizing
Sitting in the park
Drinking cheap wine
Wasteful courage
We are mortal
Common sense
Yet nobody sees it
Only me?
No, not possible
Lonely benches
Lonely people see
The truth is out there
Wanting
Chasing
So close
Yet so distant
We’re mortal
May 14
May 14, 2026 at 11:46 AM UTC
As the day starts
It’s like turning on a series
The start
The conflict
The ending
The titles
You’re just a statistic
In this episode
You blink
But not too much
Saying
“Peas and carrots”
Familiar scenery
You want to be the star
But you’re in the background
Somewhere behind the actors
You open bottles
You swallow them
Dreaming
Thriving
Why not me?
Sweet dreams
Numbed right away
Now you’re on
The switch is clicked
You speak like the man
Act like the star
You’re the one now
The star of this ****** show
Is this what you wanted?
Now get it
Play pretend
Because it says
“Fake it till you make it”
You believe it
This is you now
Episode over
May 11
May 11, 2026 at 10:25 AM UTC
Oh Father Lord
Please save my soul
I’m the child of your love
Please spare me
Sweat pouring down my forehead
Body shivering like I’m possessed
Cold and hot at the same time
Desperately needing a breath of air
Throat like a rusty water pipe
Ears drumming, humming sounds
Pure terror as I drink my tea
Eyes sandy
Edges burnt
Lips like sandpaper
Stinky smell of drugs
Someone strikes my head
With a hammer
38.7
That’s what the thermometer says
It would’ve been nice
If I broke my hand instead
May 11
May 11, 2026 at 7:45 AM UTC
Stupid dove
Stubborn dove
Stuck in a cage
Strikes his head
Against metal bars
Beak full of scars
Flies around
Squeaky sounds
Stupid dove
Stubborn dove
Smashing his head
Escape plan
Eyes wide open
Late at night
Can’t get to sleep
Because of the headache
May 7
May 7, 2026 at 8:40 AM UTC
Today I regressed
A month’s worth of work
Down the toilet
Gone
Why did I open the bottle
Of that fine whiskey of mine
Chug it down like water
To soothe my lonely mind?
Telepathic tendencies, maybe
At the other end of the city
The man who made me
Was swallowing *****
Just like me
Like father, like son
Thoughts come around —
What if I never tasted
That bitter liquid?
Would he be sober
Like hours before?
If he didn’t touch it
Would I even think
To rewind
To drown myself
In an old friend of mine?
Telepathic minds
Like father, like son
Drinking and drowning
While life goes by
May 6
May 6, 2026 at 2:52 PM UTC
“Are you drinking again?”
A question you’ve asked me
A million times
Our butts freezing
On the stone stairs
Is this the fourth or fifth time?
I lost count
“Let’s not rush”
“Take things slow”
Is that going to solve anything?
“As you wish,” I say
It will take a week or so
And I will need more than you can give
But you already know it
You say I’m not involved
But all we do is small talk
Take things slow, I guess
Can’t you see the sparks?
I’m already ignited
Asking for more
More of you
Much more
No, I’m not drinking
But as slow as we go
The sparks turn into fire
I can’t control
Can’t put out
The slower we go
Bottles appear
In my hands again
May 5
May 5, 2026 at 11:11 AM UTC
Some memories dissolve
Like sugar in hot coffee
Some crawl back
Like a man hanging from a cliff
I have two fathers
They look alike
One calls me every day after work
Asks when I’m coming home
If I’m alright or falling
Simple care, like a father should
The other comes for a week
A week like hell
Long enough to go sane and crazy
Breath sour with cheap whiskey
Boyish, immature
Sad and grumpy
Mocking everything I do
Mind flies like a rocket
But the mouth can’t keep up
Can be insulting
Once was pysical too
But words hurt more
No — what hurts
Is having two fathers
Wishing the first
Would last a little longer
Now wicked genetics plays its game
I’m made like this too
Two parts of one
May 4
May 4, 2026 at 12:53 PM UTC
I was cleaning my wardrobe yesterday
Dusty suits that forgot my face
Worn-down clothes
Eaten by moths
I found a box
A shoe box so old
It wasn’t mine
Or someone else’s
Not heavy
Too light either
I blew on it once
To clear the surface dust
Rough cardboard lid
And then I remembered what it was
After opening it
It was once a bank
Once a house
Once a toy track with twisted wheels
Once the safest place
To stash all the candies and cards you won in a game
But most of all, it was a memory
A memory I’ve kept in a similar box
Not in a wardrobe
But in my mind
So long ago
May 2
May 2, 2026 at 12:56 PM UTC