NKt - Hello Poetry

Hasn’t it been long, since we last met? Just a year, easy to say But it kills me now, I’ll admit Short time but seems to be forever You took the whole of me, now how do I recover? How do I look at it as an empty past? When it is filled with the bitter happiness that you’ve cast! You were the one who made me fly And left like that as soon as we're high The deeper you made me fall, the closer it caught me, Was that all, just to run off on me? Tell me how do I get myself out of this mess? Didn’t you promise to make it work? That time we build the castle of sand Didn’t you promise to hold me till the very end? Maybe we’re selfish to say, That happy times fly faster, ‘Cause had it been slower, I would have known you better My heart has been beating for you all this time, Even the air I breathed was so full of you I couldn't deny I was so into you, And all you did was to leave me without a clue?! Well then, I’m fine now Happy with what I have, I was the fool to fall like that ‘Cause in the end it is just ourselves that we all have

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Jul 27, 2021

Jul 27, 2021 at 5:29 AM UTC

Let me let it go

Hasn’t it been long, since we last met? Just a year, easy to say But it kills me now, I’ll admit Short time but seems to be forever You took the whole of me, now how do I recover? How do I look at it as an empty past? When it is filled with the bitter happiness that you’ve cast! You were the one who made me fly And left like that as soon as we're high The deeper you made me fall, the closer it caught me, Was that all, just to run off on me? Tell me how do I get myself out of this mess? Didn’t you promise to make it work? That time we build the castle of sand Didn’t you promise to hold me till the very end? Maybe we’re selfish to say, That happy times fly faster, ‘Cause had it been slower, I would have known you better My heart has been beating for you all this time, Even the air I breathed was so full of you I couldn't deny I was so into you, And all you did was to leave me without a clue?! Well then, I’m fine now Happy with what I have, I was the fool to fall like that ‘Cause in the end it is just ourselves that we all have

28

I look back at the time I first saw you That grumpy, anxious face told me a lot about you I always thought of avoiding you But I regret it to endlessly wanting you The world has always been spinning and will go on, But I swear my world stopped the moment you turned me down I regret every hurtful word I said to you ‘Cause the truth is that, I can’t afford to lose you Back in those days when we endlessly quarreled, I swear I loved that every moment Thinking of the happy days fills my eyes with tears Every time your voice blessed my ears That time we silently held hands It was the most beautiful silence to ever stand Your presence gave me an indescribable pleasure Those eyes of yours had the deepest color Alas, time has never been the same, I can’t help, but, look at us in the frame As I sit alone with that lost hand, The winds coldly whisper your name I couldn’t even think of any of this to happen, Most of it was lost as it was gained And if we have to pay for the happy times, I’ve cried too much to be happy for the rest of my life ‘twas a comfort to gaze at your two eyes Where the widest universe lies How could I ever lose my universe? Hate myself for losing you The visions I have do me no good, They keep on turning me back to the same old wood Where our names are still alive, never changed! Then why is it us who have to change? I beg you, if there’s anything I can do I’m ready to give it all to get back to you. I’m afraid I can’t pour it all on the desk But, I swear all this time I’ve been missing you to death I tried really hard to not to lose you, Since then, I’ve been trying to make it up to you And don’t you dare ask me If I’m tired Because the truth is, I never stopped loving you

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Jun 7, 2021

Jun 7, 2021 at 2:57 PM UTC

Still in love

I look back at the time I first saw you That grumpy, anxious face told me a lot about you I always thought of avoiding you But I regret it to endlessly wanting you The world has always been spinning and will go on, But I swear my world stopped the moment you turned me down I regret every hurtful word I said to you ‘Cause the truth is that, I can’t afford to lose you Back in those days when we endlessly quarreled, I swear I loved that every moment Thinking of the happy days fills my eyes with tears Every time your voice blessed my ears That time we silently held hands It was the most beautiful silence to ever stand Your presence gave me an indescribable pleasure Those eyes of yours had the deepest color Alas, time has never been the same, I can’t help, but, look at us in the frame As I sit alone with that lost hand, The winds coldly whisper your name I couldn’t even think of any of this to happen, Most of it was lost as it was gained And if we have to pay for the happy times, I’ve cried too much to be happy for the rest of my life ‘twas a comfort to gaze at your two eyes Where the widest universe lies How could I ever lose my universe? Hate myself for losing you The visions I have do me no good, They keep on turning me back to the same old wood Where our names are still alive, never changed! Then why is it us who have to change? I beg you, if there’s anything I can do I’m ready to give it all to get back to you. I’m afraid I can’t pour it all on the desk But, I swear all this time I’ve been missing you to death I tried really hard to not to lose you, Since then, I’ve been trying to make it up to you And don’t you dare ask me If I’m tired Because the truth is, I never stopped loving you

40

It feels like, I’m waiting on something, But I don’t know what that “something” is All the comfort that was I used to in the past, Now, it seems to cease Suddenly, it feels as if I’ve lost everything, The next moment it feels as if I’m yet to earn it1 One thought makes me wanna let go of everything, The other makes me wanna catch everything that is gone One thought makes me wanna lose myself, The other makes me wanna love myself One thought makes me feel deserted2, The other makes me wanna feel the bliss One thought makes me wanna feel sad3, The other makes me wanna rush to the happiness I want4 One thought makes me wanna die, The other makes me wanna live my bestest life One thought makes me feel alone, The other thought makes me feel so lively One thought makes me wanna bark it out, The other makes me wanna duck in it How could I go with what I feel? This time, I look around, there’s nothing to heal, All this time I feel like running away, But, I swear, I no more want to conceal My brain is filled with something, When I ask, it seems to be nothing Apparently, there’s nothing in there, But what I see with my closed eyes5 haunts me more than the reality Seeing myself, crawling on blood One thought makes me brave enough to endure The other makes me coward enough to leave “what’s all that?!” I always think, I know these thoughts of mine will never sink Seeing myself like that, the whole time makes me wanna wake up, But the reality seems to be no different It’s just the thorns which convert to words The torture converts to action The evil becomes mortal6 And the lucid7 becomes reality 1 feeling of losing something I never had; 2 feeling of having nothing left; 3 choose what the others want/make the wrong choice and be sad for the rest of my life; 4 choose what I want and be happy; 5 dreaming; 6 humans are the evil in reality and are mortal; 7 not real/imaginary

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Apr 21, 2021

Apr 21, 2021 at 1:45 PM UTC

Dicey Thoughts

It feels like, I’m waiting on something, But I don’t know what that “something” is All the comfort that was I used to in the past, Now, it seems to cease Suddenly, it feels as if I’ve lost everything, The next moment it feels as if I’m yet to earn it1 One thought makes me wanna let go of everything, The other makes me wanna catch everything that is gone One thought makes me wanna lose myself, The other makes me wanna love myself One thought makes me feel deserted2, The other makes me wanna feel the bliss One thought makes me wanna feel sad3, The other makes me wanna rush to the happiness I want4 One thought makes me wanna die, The other makes me wanna live my bestest life One thought makes me feel alone, The other thought makes me feel so lively One thought makes me wanna bark it out, The other makes me wanna duck in it How could I go with what I feel? This time, I look around, there’s nothing to heal, All this time I feel like running away, But, I swear, I no more want to conceal My brain is filled with something, When I ask, it seems to be nothing Apparently, there’s nothing in there, But what I see with my closed eyes5 haunts me more than the reality Seeing myself, crawling on blood One thought makes me brave enough to endure The other makes me coward enough to leave “what’s all that?!” I always think, I know these thoughts of mine will never sink Seeing myself like that, the whole time makes me wanna wake up, But the reality seems to be no different It’s just the thorns which convert to words The torture converts to action The evil becomes mortal6 And the lucid7 becomes reality 1 feeling of losing something I never had; 2 feeling of having nothing left; 3 choose what the others want/make the wrong choice and be sad for the rest of my life; 4 choose what I want and be happy; 5 dreaming; 6 humans are the evil in reality and are mortal; 7 not real/imaginary

40

My heart is heavy, but my eyes seem to be dry1, My brain is dead, but face seems to be alive, This is all I think, when it comes to a business smile With a wandering hand, I go up the stage, needless to say, all for wage All the eyes point at me with such a blaze, it could shoot a hundred miles Not to mention, I was nervous, but had to keep up, my business smile All the hands, making such an applause which seems to haunt me right now, I grew anxious, as the floral thorns2, point towards me I feel awful for this heart of mine, but I had to show that business smile “No. 15, when you’re ready.”, the words rang through my ears, I placed my hand on the giant toy3, starting to embrace One key, followed by the other, amusing the audience, as it occurs My heart then filled with rage, my eyes filled with sparkle Continue to play as long as it last, as far as it goes, But who knows it more than I do, such fantasies occur, everywhere I come to my hairdo 1pretending to be okay; 2flowers[bouquet]; 3grand piano

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Apr 17, 2021

Apr 17, 2021 at 2:16 PM UTC

Dark Fantasy

My heart is heavy, but my eyes seem to be dry1, My brain is dead, but face seems to be alive, This is all I think, when it comes to a business smile With a wandering hand, I go up the stage, needless to say, all for wage All the eyes point at me with such a blaze, it could shoot a hundred miles Not to mention, I was nervous, but had to keep up, my business smile All the hands, making such an applause which seems to haunt me right now, I grew anxious, as the floral thorns2, point towards me I feel awful for this heart of mine, but I had to show that business smile “No. 15, when you’re ready.”, the words rang through my ears, I placed my hand on the giant toy3, starting to embrace One key, followed by the other, amusing the audience, as it occurs My heart then filled with rage, my eyes filled with sparkle Continue to play as long as it last, as far as it goes, But who knows it more than I do, such fantasies occur, everywhere I come to my hairdo 1pretending to be okay; 2flowers[bouquet]; 3grand piano

18

Seems like these days just go by, Without any comfort, but a blue eye1. From the outside it seems to be quiet, But on the inside I’m battling a tide2. All these days feels so lonely, I can feel my space, has started getting gloomy3. Everything I try, my mind would deny, And it seems like my days, just go by. No more hands hold mine, Neither to walk the streets, nor to take a ride. I waste my time till 10 at the night , But I know the time is still ticking by. My mind is void, in the dark I cry4, They ask my state5 and then I lie. Don’t fall apart, I always try, But my days, they just go by. I can feel things getting scary , My “favourite” black colour has started to haunt me. I hope it all stops to hive6, And these crucial days finally pass by 1blue eye resembles tiredness 2tide resembles anxiety 3my thoughts have started becoming dangerous 4I get depressed when I’m alone 5I lie about being alright 6I hope it all stops to grow

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Apr 4, 2021

Apr 4, 2021 at 5:27 AM UTC

Days go by

Seems like these days just go by, Without any comfort, but a blue eye1. From the outside it seems to be quiet, But on the inside I’m battling a tide2. All these days feels so lonely, I can feel my space, has started getting gloomy3. Everything I try, my mind would deny, And it seems like my days, just go by. No more hands hold mine, Neither to walk the streets, nor to take a ride. I waste my time till 10 at the night , But I know the time is still ticking by. My mind is void, in the dark I cry4, They ask my state5 and then I lie. Don’t fall apart, I always try, But my days, they just go by. I can feel things getting scary , My “favourite” black colour has started to haunt me. I hope it all stops to hive6, And these crucial days finally pass by 1blue eye resembles tiredness 2tide resembles anxiety 3my thoughts have started becoming dangerous 4I get depressed when I’m alone 5I lie about being alright 6I hope it all stops to grow

26

I've always seen you in a frame, But I heard you cry on the day it rained1 I wish I could hear you again, But you left me the day I came I heard the shovels dig, I heard daddy’s tears, I heard people’s prayers, But I stayed quiet I heard the people cursing me, Their words overshadowing2 me, But I stayed quiet, I always stayed quiet And at those times I couldn’t be, I’d chug water, so that I cry to no one but me Wear a mask so that no one sees, ‘Cause if they do, they’ll pick3 on me I’d hide to walk to your grave, I wished I’d talk a millions with youI was tired of staying quiet I thought you were too, But when I started talking, you stayed quiet Years have passed without you here, I wish my birthday was celebrated like the rest of my peer4 Its been lonely, ever since then All of my life, I’ve been living in a den5 I’ve seen you enough in photos, I wanna see you in person Regardless of it being on earth or in heaven Daddy never asked me for my gift, but this time he did I have nothing but thoughts going ‘round in circles6 I was doomed7, I came with a great loss My thoughts are jumbled, I can’t think of anything else Every Christmas of mine has been blue8, So, I can’t wait to tell daddy that all I want for Christmas is you. 1the day I was born 2thier words were too big for me to take as a child 3picking on someone means teasing or making them uncomfortable 4peer – friend circle 5den resembles limited exposure to others as I could not open up and reach out to others 6having many thoughts in my mind but I come back to that “one” thought 7being unlucky 8lonely/depressed

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Apr 4, 2021

Apr 4, 2021 at 5:26 AM UTC

My Christmas Gift

I've always seen you in a frame, But I heard you cry on the day it rained1 I wish I could hear you again, But you left me the day I came I heard the shovels dig, I heard daddy’s tears, I heard people’s prayers, But I stayed quiet I heard the people cursing me, Their words overshadowing2 me, But I stayed quiet, I always stayed quiet And at those times I couldn’t be, I’d chug water, so that I cry to no one but me Wear a mask so that no one sees, ‘Cause if they do, they’ll pick3 on me I’d hide to walk to your grave, I wished I’d talk a millions with youI was tired of staying quiet I thought you were too, But when I started talking, you stayed quiet Years have passed without you here, I wish my birthday was celebrated like the rest of my peer4 Its been lonely, ever since then All of my life, I’ve been living in a den5 I’ve seen you enough in photos, I wanna see you in person Regardless of it being on earth or in heaven Daddy never asked me for my gift, but this time he did I have nothing but thoughts going ‘round in circles6 I was doomed7, I came with a great loss My thoughts are jumbled, I can’t think of anything else Every Christmas of mine has been blue8, So, I can’t wait to tell daddy that all I want for Christmas is you. 1the day I was born 2thier words were too big for me to take as a child 3picking on someone means teasing or making them uncomfortable 4peer – friend circle 5den resembles limited exposure to others as I could not open up and reach out to others 6having many thoughts in my mind but I come back to that “one” thought 7being unlucky 8lonely/depressed

39

I saw a dream, The horror struck me so bad, I started recalling my mom and dad I was scared of people, of things and lives, What if my heart stops racing or my eyes light!? I could feel my life, balancing on a dice I felt lonely like there was no one by my side, In the world I saw everyone cherish, I could feel myself dying in that world ‘full of life’ I was scared of losing the memories I cherished, the people I loved, I was scared of the loneliness which once comforted me, That darkness will ever haunt me I could feel those shadows chasing me, I didn’t ever want’em to grab me, “Go away! Don’t rush me!” I wish I knew back then it was lucid, It was the hardest my heart ever pounded, Once I tripped, I laid stranded. Uneasy by the situation, I grabbed on something, Unbelievably, that thing could speak!? “What you’re dreaming?” that thing asked, I stammered, “Has the world ended?”

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Apr 4, 2021

Apr 4, 2021 at 5:22 AM UTC

Nightmare

I saw a dream, The horror struck me so bad, I started recalling my mom and dad I was scared of people, of things and lives, What if my heart stops racing or my eyes light!? I could feel my life, balancing on a dice I felt lonely like there was no one by my side, In the world I saw everyone cherish, I could feel myself dying in that world ‘full of life’ I was scared of losing the memories I cherished, the people I loved, I was scared of the loneliness which once comforted me, That darkness will ever haunt me I could feel those shadows chasing me, I didn’t ever want’em to grab me, “Go away! Don’t rush me!” I wish I knew back then it was lucid, It was the hardest my heart ever pounded, Once I tripped, I laid stranded. Uneasy by the situation, I grabbed on something, Unbelievably, that thing could speak!? “What you’re dreaming?” that thing asked, I stammered, “Has the world ended?”

22