To curse the sun begs the clouds to differ.
Harness the wind, and the sky often whispers.
A side feeling ways and a touch to go stiffer.
A bite of the lemon would surely stay bitter.
To hide the truth asks the holes to dig deeper.
A cynical man loses out to the sleeper.
Force all the colour, and the grey is a feature.
A taste of the honey won't get any sweeter.
To tug a string sees the seam crunch tighter.
A sleeve too short, and a half-empty lighter.
A coward's life is longer, than that of a fighter.
Gnaw on the spice, as it burns like a fire.
Apr 12, 2019
Apr 12, 2019 at 6:48 PM UTC
Saturnine in the midst of an evening.
A bubble, wafer thin, prepared to pop.
A clock run down for mood of the week.
A lace beaten under, untying the knot.
Moisture wrapped loose on the waves rolling in.
A tap starts running, to wash down the sink.
A clear glass of water to bend all the light.
A flame goes out at the end of a splint.
Tears absorbed at the back of the eyes.
A frost cloaked song, gets caught in the throat.
A film coats the heart with the loss of a spark.
A hiker stands still, at the start of a slope.
Embers grow weak, to the black of the ash.
A gulf forms a feature to rest in the view.
A rise of the morning won't bring anew.
That much is true.
Mar 16, 2019
Mar 16, 2019 at 4:44 PM UTC
We met that day,
As I'd asked to meet.
The sun fell down
And bounced off your cheek.
A smile bounced back
At you're cursory greetings.
Easy to hide
The still dancing feelings.
Not fleeting, not leaving.
You can't disappear now,
My heart's not stopped bleeding
For the furrow on you're brow.
We let the time slip.
The cold, fresh bite of a lemonade
I sipped.
I wish you'd stayed.
But the nip of November
Frosts the leaves off the trees.
A crunch under our feet
As we walked to the green.
Clarity struck
As we wound down the path.
I'd have to let go,
Or I wouldn't last.
Like the sky let the sun
Slip behind the far hill.
The last sliver made a bow
And then time stood still.
As it paused,
I thought back
To the book
That we'd filled.
Each chapter a story,
Each failing, each glory.
The sky turned blue
And the stars came out.
My eyes turned away.
How far would I shout?
You said, "Such lonely creatures,
The lights up there.
All they have is
A single planet that stares."
"At least they are watched
And not forgotten.
All that that needs
Are the eyes to start stopping."
I wanted to say,
"(Please make this last)."
But you still slipped away
From my white-knuckle grasp.
On Remembrance Sunday,
I remembered the day
That I first caught myself
Loving you.
Jan 24, 2019
Jan 24, 2019 at 2:38 PM UTC
A girl called Luna wished someone found her sooner.
Out in the forest, a rope as her tether.
Whatever. She didn't care.
She wondered what they'd think once they found her there.
She left a sign, "no need to stare",
Something hidden, nothing to share.
Her parents met, shagged, got pregnant,
Shacked up, split up, the ****** slipped up.
She grew up in a broken home, alone,
Only a picture of her dad to show.
Wasn't loved, didn't need it.
Found with desire it was easier to hide it.
Loss of control led to fear at home.
So she managed her food.
She didn't grow, stayed 5ft 4.
But eating wasn't enough, she needed more.
She can't recall how the blade first met her skin.
Now withdrawl's the symptoms of keeping it in.
"What's that?", "Just a scratch (that grazed her bone)".
"Long sleeves?", "For the cold (that chilled her thoughts)".
Only 14, what a dream snatched away.
A boy came along, took her innocent days.
He was an ambiguous malaise
But was something solid amongst the waves.
Still people leave, like him on the slightest breeze.
Her arms filled with scabs like the bark on the trees.
Her stomach felt full so she got on two knees
And purged it.
Her mum clocked, urged it to stop.
Luna wouldn't listen, her guard wouldn't drop.
It became about the next hit, the next drink,
The next guy to sleep with.
Dreaming feelings, keeping a furious pace,
That way she didn't have to face the night.
She eventually hit the wall,
Broke down, tears and all.
Looked up through her window at the silver moonlight.
Had a moment of solemn revelation,
She'd been committed to self-condemnation.
She didn't want to anymore,
But the only exit seemed the next life's door.
She made an oath, to herself,
By next week she'd end her life.
That's how she got here.
If only a friend, a boy, a parent had not remained silent.
Nothing could've harmed more than the ubiquitous hush. Her mind rushed.
Walking to the woods, she heard birdsong.
Wouldn't be long.
Her survival instinct fought in a riot.
Now all she heard was eternal quiet.
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018 at 8:12 AM UTC
The scenes of this Halloween.
Smashed glass, broken windows,
Punched holes in the ceilings.
What an antic, frantic shouting,
Some fellow in the corner arguing semantics.
But the last thing I expected that night to be was romantic.
She had auburn hair, this deep rich shade.
I almost stared. If it weren't for *** and coke
I'd have left it there.
But it'd been too long, my love life felt like
That of a crushingly hopeless song.
So I grew some ***** mustered the courage
To take that twenty foot walk. Once there
All I had to do was talk.
How quickly I fell. Was it her voice?
Her eyes?
The face she pulled when she laughed?
We fit like a dovetail joint, two peas in a pod.
It was as easy as this you pessimistic sod.
The whole night we spent,
Climbed on a shed, remarked at the couples
Claiming a bed.
The fury of the night didn't relent,
But her company kept me miles away
In an imaginary story of future smiles,
No more trials. Not for some time.
The problem is once the party did end,
I hadn't seen her since then.
Friends suggested I send her a message,
But sobriety stoppered perfect curiosity.
I couldn't want someone, having seen them
For half a quarter a day.
Still the horizon of delight taunted my night.
I might. All I had was the white light on my
Screen and the limits of my fascination.
Hypothetical interest became my
Preoccupation.
When I'd begun to let go of her absence
A friend told me he'd heard she'd liked me.
Nonsense, too good to be true. **** like that
Doesn't happen to a hope so new.
Heart stutters, skin flutters, stomach shutters,
These symptoms of giddy, felt silly.
I messaged her that day,
Three hours of conversation couldn't have been greater.
This stranger in my thoughts rendered other
Ones naught. I sought her out, easiest thing I've done.
Having tasted some, I wouldn't stop until she became the one.
The floodgates were opened and washed me away.
A simple "hey" goes a long way
To brighten up my once-grey days.
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 6:08 PM UTC
She found my scars in the back room
Of some party at some house.
Her tears wet the scabs.
Her fear locked her arms around me.
She opened my ribs
And held my heart in her hands.
She nursed it to health, cursed the disease,
Thawed the freeze of love.
Relapse; My knees snapped,
Staggered and fell back.
But she listened whilst my arms glistened.
My Nightingale helped the scars go pale.
Her deep blue eyes held my flaws,
Until they went a duller hue.
Her firm embrace didn't withdraw
Until my jumper was her only view.
Our hands touched, not enough,
Lips lust, needed more. We ******
The truth was, sympathy wasn't love.
A job done didn't mean 'the One'.
The fantasy we lived hit her like a ton
Of bedsheets and lies. She tried.
So she told me the facts,
She'd held me in tact. And now that I could
Walk, she thought it best we shouldn't talk.
It was abrupt, all the pain would erupt.
The knife leered, my mind jeered
But her lamp, she said,
Would never leave my bed.
So it shone instead, a flame of gold.
It was upsetting, our sun setting,
Yet now I don't cut.
I can make steps on my own.
I see colour in the sky.
To her I owe my wasted time.
Still, every night, I sit by the light,
And pray. Pray for just one more
Sunrise.
Nov 25, 2018
Nov 25, 2018 at 5:21 PM UTC
I didn't know better
But the rabbit hole she was
Went far deeper
Than I could breathe.
All she seemed was a girl in need.
All I had was a desperate urge
To dive in the deep end.
Spend sleepless nights at the weekend
Showering her with help,
Smothering her with support.
If there's a will, there's a way
And I willed for her to stay
And not let go.
At some point I got lost in the webs.
Trying to help her up, I fell off the cliff edge.
She showed me the ropes
Of a numb existence.
She denied my persistence,
Ignored my resistance.
I turned to a knife
To open up my skin.
I turned towards pain
To indulge in my sin.
I turned towards forgetting
The dropped grenade pin.
She'd built me my prison
One I willingly lived in.
Because through the bars and scars
I could see her cell.
All the heartache and trauma
Never felt as virtuous
When I had a roommate to tell.
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 6:36 PM UTC
That night in the park,
When I drank too much tequila,
We first became friends,
And I started to see her
Around much more.
Unlike others she didn't bore
Me into numbness.
Instead I started to notice
The genuine laugh
And guiltily pleased face
At my carefree jokes
And occasional poke.
She chose to fling around
Yet still enjoy the sound
Of my company
And conversation.
But a question mark formed
And hung like a far-off storm.
We both knew it, our friends guessed it.
But we never did address it.
Limbo is an okay place to be;
Lots to do, more to see.
But the idea of heaven
Overbears like a cloudy dream.
Not seven months later
At Halloween,
We watched a Harry Potter film,
One we'd already seen.
Under the blankets
Our knuckles brushed.
In a sinful rush, the lust
Drew each finger together;
Lacing over eachother;
Thumbs gliding the skin.
Going out on a limb
Was the closest we'd ever been.
But after that, nothing happened,
And soon she moved away.
I'm sure I'm forgotten
In a nonchalant way.
So I still wonder why
We didn't take off and fly,
Or at least never tried.
So here's the lie,
I didn't ever want her.
It's better that it was left like this.
A train you might want
Is much harder to catch
Than to miss.
Nov 14, 2018
Nov 14, 2018 at 5:45 PM UTC
I couldn't get to sleep,
So I drunk myself into dreaming
Something beyond you leaving.
Graceful screaming
And a bedridden evening
Resulted.
Lunch time at a school far away from me,
You went to the roof to see
How far it would be to fall,
But the breeze and the whispers
Taunted like tricksters.
And an orange *** of pills
Could easily make your heart still.
How many would it take?
But the winds break
And the truth flows from your sleeves
Suddenly you don't want to die,
But instead fly
On this swift Autumn breeze.
No meaning
In the still distant feelings.
But never sleeping
Keeps the lies still breathing.
Reaching for the heavens
Is easier when you're amongst them.
So hold your breath,
Count to ten,
And let go of these sanguine delusions.
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 5:14 PM UTC
Nothing teaches a lesson like a marred heart,
Or so you'd think.
The nights I had spent washing the red
Down my bedroom sink
I had the time to dwell
And let my love for you swell
I tried to hold it in.
I committed my familiar sin.
But in that front camera light,
A simple slight smile
Was enough to fill my body with delight
And my veins with adrenaline.
Searching for insulin
To combat
My lust for the sweet tasting gloss
That hugged your lips.
Whatever occupied my head
Was often succeeded
By the idea of you.
The compass on my sleeve
Directed me to believe
In the break of a new morning.
I watched you with others,
And listened to you rant about them.
Hated them when they cheated on you.
Flashed green when they seemed sincere,
Waiting patiently here,
On that park bench,
Where you left.
I couldn't do it anymore,
My room for silenced love was filled.
Heart thumping,
Mind racing,
Desire lacing my skin,
I was bursting at the seams,
You even appear in my dreams,
But to hold it in;
Not again, not for anymore, I can't hold it in.
Help me,
Help me absolve my sin.
Nov 5, 2018
Nov 5, 2018 at 6:21 PM UTC