MyNameIsDirk - Hello Poetry

On the worst of days, I had nightmares of civility. the calm I once craved, that which gives me breath the very thought fills me with dread. Promises unfulfilled, years later, forgotten. But this time, they’re better left lost. I never asked for this now. Reminders of my lacking. On the worst of days, I could still hear the tearing of pages. Words pushed between feathers half-hoping no one would hear them. Sometimes I think you did. Sometimes I think you heard every word I craved, took each one and pinned them to your eyelids just to help you remember. Because you wanted to remember On the worst of days, I still have nightmares of civility, or savagery, I can no longer tell. The quiet I thought I deserved within reach only separated by the wall of actuality. To think the hopes pulsing so lively in my veins saw themselves stop with no intention of returning. To this day, I still have nightmares even as the rain stopped pouring.

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Aug 25, 2021

Aug 25, 2021 at 6:19 AM UTC

I Only Dream In Rain

On the worst of days, I had nightmares of civility. the calm I once craved, that which gives me breath the very thought fills me with dread. Promises unfulfilled, years later, forgotten. But this time, they’re better left lost. I never asked for this now. Reminders of my lacking. On the worst of days, I could still hear the tearing of pages. Words pushed between feathers half-hoping no one would hear them. Sometimes I think you did. Sometimes I think you heard every word I craved, took each one and pinned them to your eyelids just to help you remember. Because you wanted to remember On the worst of days, I still have nightmares of civility, or savagery, I can no longer tell. The quiet I thought I deserved within reach only separated by the wall of actuality. To think the hopes pulsing so lively in my veins saw themselves stop with no intention of returning. To this day, I still have nightmares even as the rain stopped pouring.

23

I find myself clawing at the rays of light. The way they flood and cease. Rivers to droplets seeping through the cracks in the wooden walls. They run through the gaps in my fingers too, sometimes they go right through me. Blood and veins glowing from the seams. I can never figure out where they come from. Or why they choose to illuminate me. There are beauties in the world that beg to be seen. They deserve the light I receive. I want to give it all away. My spot in the visible. Give me the silence of the dark. The empty that surrounds. I’ve longed to wear it again like a second skin; cold and comfortable. I want to return to the dark I know I am worth. Unseen, unheard, unbroken. I like the light that bathes me. and how it feels like wind. But I feel the way it cuts and I think it’s been too long.

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Jun 30, 2020

Jun 30, 2020 at 2:46 PM UTC

From The Seams of Light to The Unbroken Dark

I find myself clawing at the rays of light. The way they flood and cease. Rivers to droplets seeping through the cracks in the wooden walls. They run through the gaps in my fingers too, sometimes they go right through me. Blood and veins glowing from the seams. I can never figure out where they come from. Or why they choose to illuminate me. There are beauties in the world that beg to be seen. They deserve the light I receive. I want to give it all away. My spot in the visible. Give me the silence of the dark. The empty that surrounds. I’ve longed to wear it again like a second skin; cold and comfortable. I want to return to the dark I know I am worth. Unseen, unheard, unbroken. I like the light that bathes me. and how it feels like wind. But I feel the way it cuts and I think it’s been too long.

20

Theres no more room for lingering words What has been said is all that can be Because the letters left with your finger tips As they passed what's left of mine. My ears stay numb save for the last exhausted goodbye.

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May 2, 2018

May 2, 2018 at 9:02 AM UTC

Retreat

Theres no more room for lingering words What has been said is all that can be Because the letters left with your finger tips As they passed what's left of mine. My ears stay numb save for the last exhausted goodbye.

5

It's been 45 minutes since the last time I felt my own heart beat. People don't usually think about it while it's going but it always seemed too loud to me. Like rain drops falling on thin sheet roofs on sundays when you planned to go out. Maybe it's the quiet. The kind that never quite cut through, always drowned out by the monotonous drone of humps and beats in the chest but this time it did. This time I heard quiet. Only the low hum of wind passing through slit beneath the door remained. And you sat there, watching, like something was supposed to happen. You sat there, waiting, even when room went dark.

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Apr 26, 2018

Apr 26, 2018 at 3:47 PM UTC

Sanatorium

It's been 45 minutes since the last time I felt my own heart beat. People don't usually think about it while it's going but it always seemed too loud to me. Like rain drops falling on thin sheet roofs on sundays when you planned to go out. Maybe it's the quiet. The kind that never quite cut through, always drowned out by the monotonous drone of humps and beats in the chest but this time it did. This time I heard quiet. Only the low hum of wind passing through slit beneath the door remained. And you sat there, watching, like something was supposed to happen. You sat there, waiting, even when room went dark.

1

The last few months have been horrible like wind next to your voice there isn’t any connection but lightning the whole point is to do better than the ones that don’t have control the crowd put a border around you someone will encourage you to just give up You’re being buried under thousands of other people talking. It’s better safe than sorry. Say “Hello, welcome” Ask them questions; don’t argue You are not the best at this but try Set up a stream. Watch it set. someone may join, keep going. even when things go wrong.

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Apr 10, 2018

Apr 10, 2018 at 1:05 PM UTC

New Year’s Thunderstorm

The last few months have been horrible like wind next to your voice there isn’t any connection but lightning the whole point is to do better than the ones that don’t have control the crowd put a border around you someone will encourage you to just give up You’re being buried under thousands of other people talking. It’s better safe than sorry. Say “Hello, welcome” Ask them questions; don’t argue You are not the best at this but try Set up a stream. Watch it set. someone may join, keep going. even when things go wrong.

15

When day break faded into dusk, youth crumbled with folly. I was needed. so I promised I'd be strong When your faulty fingers fell into the openness of mine. I was wanted. so I promised I'd be strong When the voices once hiding bared fangs and solace left with silence. I was lost. but I promised I'd be strong. When I searched for only sanity but found cigarettes instead. I was burning I can't promise to be strong.

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Feb 13, 2018

Feb 13, 2018 at 4:53 PM UTC

Promises

When day break faded into dusk, youth crumbled with folly. I was needed. so I promised I'd be strong When your faulty fingers fell into the openness of mine. I was wanted. so I promised I'd be strong When the voices once hiding bared fangs and solace left with silence. I was lost. but I promised I'd be strong. When I searched for only sanity but found cigarettes instead. I was burning I can't promise to be strong.

12

I like to imagine my body ****** and riddled with holes across the sidewalk pavement For nothing greater than for love Love for the people I know For the people I dont For the hope that tomorrow, There wont be another like me For every martyr has a mother And every mother needs her son

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Aug 24, 2017

Aug 24, 2017 at 7:29 PM UTC

Unrest

I like to imagine my body ****** and riddled with holes across the sidewalk pavement For nothing greater than for love Love for the people I know For the people I dont For the hope that tomorrow, There wont be another like me For every martyr has a mother And every mother needs her son

10

You've such a beautiful smile you give it to everyone you see I wish you'd keep one for yourself though. but no matter. You can have my smile for today and for every tomorrow to come.

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Mar 16, 2017

Mar 16, 2017 at 9:41 AM UTC

Dear, Mother

You've such a beautiful smile you give it to everyone you see I wish you'd keep one for yourself though. but no matter. You can have my smile for today and for every tomorrow to come.

6

I was born with glass in my veins Let the shards out through slits in the wrist But somehow a few found its way to my heart With equal part pain and equal part promise To bring me an end in the most colorful of fashions A rush of bright red out the chest And a flush of pale white in my face I wondered what it was like to love But then again, I guess I always knew

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Mar 13, 2017

Mar 13, 2017 at 12:05 PM UTC

Intravenous

I was born with glass in my veins Let the shards out through slits in the wrist But somehow a few found its way to my heart With equal part pain and equal part promise To bring me an end in the most colorful of fashions A rush of bright red out the chest And a flush of pale white in my face I wondered what it was like to love But then again, I guess I always knew

9

Some poems I write on paper Paper I'll burn later that day So that all that'll remain Are the beats in my chest And the aches in my head Some poems i hold on to So that after years from writing When memory fails And hearts beat to different tunes All that'll remain Are words inked on paper.

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Mar 12, 2017

Mar 12, 2017 at 11:05 AM UTC

Duality

Some poems I write on paper Paper I'll burn later that day So that all that'll remain Are the beats in my chest And the aches in my head Some poems i hold on to So that after years from writing When memory fails And hearts beat to different tunes All that'll remain Are words inked on paper.

11