I cannot imagine myself,
I mean the voice with whom I speak
who both doubt and believe (in me)
I cannot imagine that self
without you.
your silence a symphony
your words a philosophy
carefully constructed behind
the brown iris and white wash
of your eyes.
I cannot imagine my life
without you beside me
your touch one of pure silk
your heartbeat one with the ocean
waves crashing against the shore
I can still feel you staring at me
and that self doesn't want to believe
(at least not on this particular day)
it's worthy of whatever good you see.
yet here you are, in all your quiet thunder
humbling me with each individual
breath.
I cannot imagine myself
because as much as i have wrestled
and pondered this inevitable truth
it grew more clear with every struggle.
I cannot imagine myself
Without you
The boy who once wore a silly brown coat even in the summer
Who now only wears my heart upon his sleeves
Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 10:01 PM UTC
It's because of you that I'm this way
All your hypnotizing words
Singing melodies in my ear
All the reasons I live in fear
I think of you
As the clock in my therapists room ticks
All my problems, that no one can fix
All the voices in my head
Once filling me with terror
Now become my voices of reason
My mind, my own self, filled with treason
You
The one who loved yet hurt
You yourself was once scarred, yet you held a knife
And slashed my heart
Now I too am insane
Because of you
Or are we both to blame
Oct 11, 2015
Oct 11, 2015 at 8:28 PM UTC
I stagger around my broken home
Beer bottle in one hand
Spilling all over the wooden floors
Your clothes are on the porch
For all to see how much you've hurt me
*** Jen*** flashes on my phone
" no, you cannot fix the damage you've done"
I yell as I throw the phone
Adrenaline rushing
My anger and hurt growing
I pour the gasoline all over your possessions
Setting fire to it all
I look back
Admiring my work
My footing is lost, as I propel over the porch
Falling to my death
Because I fell for you
Sep 10, 2015
Sep 10, 2015 at 4:59 PM UTC
Maybe I'll get you out of my head
and forget all the words you once said
love within your eyes
but theres lies within your lips
so maybe I'll forgive you,one lie at a time
Aug 25, 2015
Aug 25, 2015 at 7:45 PM UTC
Walk around, don't make a sound
but I can't hide what my feelings are
in a big crowd
faking smiles
when its yours that my mind is on
we could've been so much more
but it seems you'd had enough
its so unfair
why do I still care
why are you still the one I want
you were the fire to my flame
and the reason for my pain
Aug 25, 2015
Aug 25, 2015 at 7:01 PM UTC
The old pictures are out in the rain
soaken wet
tears of my pain
I engulfed them in flames
and asked myself
am I to blame?
Aug 23, 2015
Aug 23, 2015 at 8:00 PM UTC
You're never too young to know what love is
so almost instantly
I knew I was in love with him
I never quite understood the brown coat he always wore
even on the hot summer days
but it made my interest in him grow even more
A few weeks after he was mine, I made the biggest mistake of my life
until one day we randomly ran into each other
and from then on I knew I wanted to be his wife
how I couldn't see that the moment I met him will always be a mystery
but the rest of our perfectly imperfect story
is our very own history
Aug 19, 2015
Aug 19, 2015 at 11:00 PM UTC
Tears stream down her face
now knowing that shes been replaced
silent whispers
of agonizing pain
she saw him kiss her
blood pulsed through her veins
" I hate you, I hate you"
but she knows thats not true
her heart is broken
but her pain will forever be unspoken
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 6:31 PM UTC
I never wanted the fairy tail wedding
until I met you
suddenly it was the gorgeous wedding on the beach
a beatiful white gown that flowed like the waves of the ocean
you at the end of the white carpet
my king waiting anxiously to share the kiss of our new begining
but just as the wind,
our plans were blown away by the hurricans of our past and present
and in a matter of days we were forced back into reality
the fairy tail yanked right out of our hands
now we're trapped,
forced to have to walk through the cruel world,yet again
the dove with the permanetely clipped wings
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 5:47 PM UTC
You ignored my silent pleas
so I screamed my pain with a knife
yet I know you still wont hear me
until I end my life
even then I don't think you'll change your ways
and honestly we both need to learn how to cope
instead of turning to our addictions in order to conceal our pain
my eyes are stained the color red
from all the crying we did the day before
but today its as if we never even talked, so my wrists stung as I bled
you drunk and I cut more and more
you said we'd be a happy family again
but if you think about it, we never were
because even from way back then
the good memories are a blur
My heart cannot feel hate
for anyone besides myself
so I see why I believed your apology wasn't fake
up until you grabbed the liquor from the top shelf
I don't expect you to change your ways
I guess I can't either
so you can just call me razor blade
and I'll call you alcohol breather
Aug 16, 2015
Aug 16, 2015 at 8:23 PM UTC