You know my big heart that loves everyone? That heart has been so abused and broken.
You know my mind that comes up with so many ideas? That brain has been scared with mental self harm.
You know my arms that stay open for everyone no matter what? They have held someone that didn't deserve them and made them close.
I make my ride to school wait because I can't get out of bed because I'm tired from last night's tears and all I can say is "I'm sorry"
My feelings and thoughts are hanging me by a rope of self doubt and hate. Sometimes I think actually hanging myself would be less painful then living with this.
When I ignore you with my ear buds it's not because I dont like you, it is because I have them turned up all the way in an attempt to drown out the thoughts but they cannot get loud enough to shut them out because the thoughts always scream louder.
Apr 22, 2018
Apr 22, 2018 at 11:45 PM UTC
My mind never turns off
Like light from the stars after dawn
My conscious switch has been stomped
By the force of biology
And I can’t get a grip
My thoughts continue to romp
Out loud, and I scream at them
Cause they scream at me too
I have no control of it
There’s nothing I can do
Conscious and subconscious?
I don’t believe in separation of the two
I think a mile a minute
My mind is a rendezvous
For both of their needs
They help fuel me,
And segregate only when I refuse to be free
I must say,
It makes everything more fun
The sky seems so vast
And every single blade of grass
Is just as interesting as the one next to it
Every rain drop of dew
Shines with a light
On lawn where it grew,
From the sun that shuns
It’s growth, when it hides beyond the clouds
I breathe it in when it decides to come out
It’s life
I just want to sing the thoughts I have
Because I don’t know
How to say them all, without forgetting
In the next few minutes,
When my mind is burned with then need
To explore even more
Jun 16, 2017
Jun 16, 2017 at 1:12 PM UTC
I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve as I've done from the start
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on
Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met?
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet
I resolved to call her up
A thousand times a day
Ask her if she'll marry me
In some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone
Apr 26, 2017
Apr 26, 2017 at 9:43 AM UTC
Everything is gray
Nothing has color anymore
Nothing makes me happy
I can't be happy anymore
So many thing used to make me happy
Now those things have no meaning
I'm sick of this colorless cloud I live on
But there is no way off
If I take a step off the cloud I will fall to my inevitable death
I will eventually die sooner then later
Right now I think it will be sooner
I'm tired
Mentally I'm exhausted
I want it to end....
Apr 26, 2017
Apr 26, 2017 at 9:42 AM UTC
Her touch.
Touching her is like touching an angel
Her face is as fragile as a porcelain doll
And as beautiful as the sunset on a warm summer night
Her voice is as soft and smooth as silk
Her body is more perfect than anything imaginable to man
Her hair is almost as beautiful as her laugh
And her laugh it drives me crazy and makes me want to do anything for her
Anything is what I would do to make her happy
She is crazy and unpredictable.
She is like an atomic bomb during an earthquake, she might explode and destroy everything in her way or she will be okay
She thinks she is as far away from perfect as you can get, but it's the opposite.
She is my best friend and I love her❤
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 9:54 AM UTC
Life is hard and it's crazy
Sometimes it's easy for people
Sometimes it's not
You could say life is like a video game
Some people have all 5 lives and when they get knocked down they have 4 more
And others are on their last life and are battling endless bosses
They might beat 5 or 6 on one life and get to the lat one and lose that last life
It's sometimes unfair to lose that last life and die and see the people with 4 or 5 lives get the prize
After you cleared the way and you get no repay for beating the bosses for them
Life is unfair...just like video games.
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 9:49 AM UTC
Life is hard and it's crazy
Sometimes it's easy for people
Sometimes it's not
You could say life is like a video game
Some people have all 5 lives and when they get knocked down they have 4 more
And others are on their last life and are battling endless bosses
They might beat 5 or 6 on one life and get to the lat one and lose that last life
It's sometimes unfair to lose that last life and die and see the people with 4 or 5 lives get the prize
After you cleared the way and you get no repay for beating the bosses for them
Life is unfair...just like video games.
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 9:48 AM UTC
There is a constant thought pounding on one of the millions of invisible doors in my mind. They appear every once in a while but only for a second. I can never seem to find the door and when I think I have found it the pounding goes on somewhere else. There is never silence in this ****** up, poorly oiled machine I call a mind. I just want to find the one door and tell the pounding to shut the hell up so I can finally find the peace and quiet I so desperately need. I can only find one way to stop the pounding. I will not do that because the pounding would stop for me but will find someone new. So I sit here and take the pounding and search for it in hopes of finding it one day and making peace with it.
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 9:46 AM UTC
I shouldn't be trusted with a knife. The wish to feel the cold steel slicing through my pale clear skin is so constant. I could cut it so easily like cutting wrapping paper with scissors. I would do it to feel all the pain flow from the sharp, precise **** on my skin. I will never gather the confidence to do it though. I never have the confidence to do anything.
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 9:42 AM UTC