I didn’t know a departure could feel this soft
We said everything we were too scared to say before, not in a rush, not in a panic. Just slowly, like we finally allowed ourselves to stop pretending
For me, “I love you” didn’t feel like a confession
It felt like something that had been there the whole time,
just waiting for the right moment to be spoken out loud
and somehow, saying it didn’t break us
it made everything lighter.
We laughed after.
Can you imagine that? Laughing in the middle of something that was supposed to end us. Like our hearts didn’t get the memo that this was a breakup. Like we both knew something real was happening, even if we didn’t know what to do with it.
I looked at him and thought, how does something feel this right and still not stay?
He held me as if nothing had changed.
Like I was still his. Like we weren’t already letting each other go in the same breath. Just this quiet understanding that we had reached something honest, even if it didn’t come with a future.
We said it again. “I love you.”
again. and again.
followed by a thousand kisses, like we were trying to memorize it
like we needed to hear it one more time before the silence.
Later that night, as he stood up to leave the room full of people, he leaned in and whispered,
“I’m so happy.
I love you, Marsya.”
and I believed him.
I think that’s the hardest part. Not doubting any of it.
Not questioning whether it was real.
It was.
It is.
It still is.
I don’t know what this becomes.
I don’t know if it’s the end,
or just a pause we’ll never come back from
but I know this;
I was loved.
and for a moment, everything felt exactly the way it was supposed to be.
Apr 7
Apr 7, 2026 at 4:55 AM UTC
There was a day when one of my friends asked him;
“Hey, do you care about anything she writes?”
She asked him because she knows that I love to write;
She asked him because she knows that she also loves to write
I was there,
sitting right next to him when she asked him and just like this crystal clear of memories that’s playing in the back of my head
I still could feel
how he looked into my eyes
grabbed my left hand,
and he answered;
“Yes, of course I do
I really do care about everything that she writes”
Right then I knew,
he will always be one of the reasons why I turn off the lights in my room around one or two in the morning and turn on my desk lamp;
Just to write
Apr 15, 2019
Apr 15, 2019 at 10:28 PM UTC
i still hope that someday you could see me in the crowd then the waves of emotions strike you to your very heart that it aches, reminiscing all the feelings you once had. all of the goods that I brought to your life.
May 3, 2017
May 3, 2017 at 11:08 AM UTC
5 AM Thoughts ://
If there's one thing that I learned from the past that I went through, he made me want to try to be a better person. Maybe it was for him, at first. But then I realized, no matter how long and how hard I try, I'll never be enough for that person. So all I need to do is just try to be a better person for myself, not for anyone's sake.
I remember how I used to stay up all night to cry and pin myself to my pillow for a few consecutive months. I still could hear all the words he said in the back of my head, rehashing arguments of how he could never understand how I felt about us.
I remember how I could drop everything just to be by his side. I remember how I could try to give him anything that I could possibly give in order to make him happy, even when the situations told me not to.
and that's what happens when you truly care about someone. You want to make them happy. You put their happiness' above yours, even when people told you it's freaking stupid to put one's happiness above yours.
But, again. You truly loved him. Even when he did not. Even when he yelled at you. Even when he called you names. All the manipulations make you think that you're happy with him, when the truth is you're being pathetic trying to scratch the ground off with your bare hands, trying to dig deep, trying so hard to make him happy. But as always, it takes two to tango. and if he can't dance with your jam, neither can you.
and one day, it hit you again
and you'll remember loving him,
all of the good ****
and all of the bad **** too
But as soon as you realized that you were truly in love with him,
you forget how to heal
People have different ways to heal themselves. Sometimes it's a short period of time, sometimes it's a long period of time. Sometimes it involves the third party, a new one. and sometimes, some people don't need a new one in order to heal.
What about me? for what I have now, I still don't know how much time I need to heal myself from the scratches I got. It took me a year to realize, this is gonna take longer than I thought it would.
and I swear to God,
I promised myself ; "I'll heal, I'll heal"
but it's a lot more than just that
and I thought I have healed,
but then, I realized I haven't healed at all
because in my sleep,
I still see him in my dreams
over, and over,
again.
at last, I'm gonna quote Beyoncé here ;
"but you're just a boy,
and you don't understand how it feels to love a girl,
someday, you'll wish you were a better man
you don't listen to her, and you don't care how it hurts
until you lose the one you wanted, cause you've taken her for granted
and everything you have got destroyed"
Nov 1, 2016
Nov 1, 2016 at 11:24 AM UTC
"He is the song that keeps playing on my head, over, and over again."
Mar 25, 2015
Mar 25, 2015 at 4:55 AM UTC
I want to be a place you call 'home'
Do you know what's the meaning of 'home' itself?
Home is a place you always keep coming back, no matter how far you could go
Home is a place you always gonna miss, no matter how messy it could get
with its imperfections
with its messiness
And I don't want to be a five-starred hotel-or a mall, for you
with its perfections
with its glamorous
with its beauty
But you can always leave them, anytime you want
Because it's just a place you passed by,
just a place you enjoy, you look at,
for short periods of time,
then you leave it behind
I want to be a home, for you
with my own imperfections,
with my own messiness,
Because I want you to keep coming back to me, no matter how far you could go
And you'll always gonna miss me,
because I'm your home.
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 9:43 AM UTC
It's heavy raining over here right now.
the sky is trembling, the raindrops fall from the weight of the clouds
Just like me.
my body is trembling, and my teardrops fall from the weight of my eyes
Because I have found out that you're all gone,
I have found out that you are totally in love with someone.
Someone I haven't known yet.
Because I have found out that I am not the one that you always wanted
Because I have found out that there are no goodbyes I got from you
I keep asking questions to my self ;
Why you're gone?
Why you left?
Why there are no explanations left?
Why you left everything behind?
Why you never come back?
Why I loved you so much?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
And the questions continue
As I look up at my window to see the sky tonight
it's pouring rain, no stars
Wondering if you could see the stars tonight,
at the place where you put your feet on the ground
Wondering if you ever feel the same way about me ;
How you meant a lot to me
**How ******* in love I was with you**
I remember how the poets said
that Goodbye is always gonna be the hardest thing to get through in life,
But it doesn't mean that you can't say a thing about Goodbye, right?
Aug 14, 2014
Aug 14, 2014 at 11:55 PM UTC
Sometimes I wonder
Why hopes dashed
Why dreams died
Why we cried ourselves to sleep at night
Then I ask my self
"Why did you expect too much?"
Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 1:57 PM UTC
If he could know,
he meant the world to me
If he could know,
what kind of crazily in love I was
Now my thoughts are not here
my thoughts run to the places I've never been
I don't even know what to say
I don't even know how to act
and I don't even know which road I have to choose
But right now,
I am sure about one thing
That my heart is ached to know.
To know that he's all gone,
and I am all-alone.
Aug 3, 2014
Aug 3, 2014 at 5:27 AM UTC
Hi, my single H word.
I notice that you don't even have a hellopoetry
I notice that it has never crossed your mind that I write things for you
But here goes the pieces of my mind that you probably never know,
the pieces of my mind that contain you,
the pieces of my mind that you may ignore later
I started to write things about you since the day you gave me the heart-shaped crumble of papers
Crumble of papers that my friends considered as a trash but turned out to be something meaningful for my self
Crumble of papers that remind me of you every single day
I know that you have no idea that they would be such a thing for me
But can't you see?
There's always at least one thing that makes a start for something
And that was your thing that have made a start for some point of my self
Love.
Sometimes I think that it's funny how our friends think I'm fine
It's funny how our friends think I'm just fine with you hanging around
And it's funny how our friends think that there's nothing between us
But yet somehow, I think that it's not too funny if our friends think the way they think about us
Because I've been trying so hard to cover myself up
I've been trying so hard to act as normal as possible when you're around
I've been trying so hard to denying my self about the simple pleasure I got everytime you're around
Baby, I act cool. Too cool. I know.
But there are too many things that you don't know just yet
How my heart beating hard and goes on on and on everytime you call up my name
How the air feels like completely out of space 'til it makes me hard to catch my breath
How I choked up with words I could not say everytime you act something adorable and I just could not resist to adore you from somewhere deep within my self
How I want to whisper those 3 syllable words right to your very ears with the low tone of my voice cause I really mean it when I say it
"I love you."
Does it ever matter to you that I love you?
My God, H, maybe you won't even realize but I really do love you so much
Does it ever matter to you that I love you?
H,
You really don't realize how lovable you are to me
You really don't realize how you could change my whole day to be better or worse by just saying a few things
You really don't realize how much I love you from the day you stared at both of my eyes and smiled with the tiny lips on your face
Baby, I act cool. Too cool. I know.
But now here comes the point where I don't want to seem so cool to everybody
I don't care if they think I am so lame, and lousy for saying and writing and thinking too much about things that probably won't ever going to happen
And now here comes the most beautiful 3 words in English that could make you feel something
I love you
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 11:13 AM UTC