Take off the mask, remove the cloth that binds your chest, that keeps your emotions in check. The cloth that, wound around you helps to keep your memories away. Memories of all the pain and anguish that you force yourself to cower from, in fear of self-destruction. You know that only time can heal, you know that time is scant. But sometimes wounds leave nasty scars, scars that fade leaving a shadow of pain. A mark of the suffering endured. Her smile and eyes that once held warmth in my gaze, now warp in my inner eye as cold malicious ones. Accusing me of rash decisions, of abandonment.
You put the pen to the paper, words flow out, but they mean nothing, words of anger and sorrow and rage. Words of longing and pain. You know there’s more to yourself than all that she was to you, but women tend to get in your head. passion becomes your primary fault. Everyone you have ever loved has hated you once before. The words are so simple, yet so painful. Painful enough to spring tears to your eyes. Painful enough to remind you of the love with which she kissed all that you hated about yourself. Leaving you with a pain in my chest, a pain that makes you want to claw at your chest for relief.
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018 at 1:17 AM UTC
A flight here and a flight there
Let me compensate for not being there
When you needed me
When you need me
I taught you how to deal with pain
While being lonely
I thought you how to fight away the demons
By leaving them to feast on your flesh
To gnaw at your bones
To leave you for dead
And I return to take you on a trip
To take you away from the misery that i am blind toward
That I do not know you have
I taught you how to talk through your fears
Now the only ones you talk to are in your brain
No father, I will not shed a tear
I am the water beneath the desert
the undiscovered landmines in the soil
I am held back tears and the god of war
The war against pain
As I fight in the trenches
In a battlefield facing myself
Battling an enemy that is closer than the end of my nose
Breathing so heavy, until the pain to goes to hell
Don’t let me see the tear stains on your sweater sleeve
You are not the child i birthed
You are but a machine
Do you not feel a thing?
Can you not say you’re glad?
I’ve never seen you smile
Is that a tear in your eye?
Save it for later
Throw away the paper
You cannot be another traitor
To your brain
Do not talk about your heart
you are not a painter
No woman, i am not your child
I am nobody’s daughter
Just a trapped little boy
Screaming through the windows
Cause you won’t let me out
Of this house made of hate
With these cracks in the walls
That lets in little rays of love
That I am too afraid to touch
Because i barely know love
But the walls of my house are my skin and my bones
And the prison called *** that is set on the roof
No I’m not complaining I’m just being honest
Didn’t you teach me that when you said I was going to be nothing
When you called me a pig and I learnt to cry silently
Now I almost always cry silently
~~
For these are the scars that I bear on my soul
That I wear on my sleeve
For i have been told that there is beauty in acceptance
In accepting what you’ve faced
And learning how to be loved
And how to be alone
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 11:49 PM UTC