MandiWolfe - Hello Poetry

He sleeps I want to stay mad I really really want to stay mad I don't want that as much as I want to fill out my kids' emergency medical forms for school Or as much as I want to throw away the trash from the counter Or as much as I want to pace the kitchen floor for an hour. Or as much as I want to lay down my arms and tell him the truth of what hurts. Or as much as I want him. But he wants sleep. Seems reasonable enough. I want sleep.

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Aug 23, 2024

Aug 23, 2024 at 2:11 AM UTC

He Sleeps: Part Deux

He sleeps I want to stay mad I really really want to stay mad I don't want that as much as I want to fill out my kids' emergency medical forms for school Or as much as I want to throw away the trash from the counter Or as much as I want to pace the kitchen floor for an hour. Or as much as I want to lay down my arms and tell him the truth of what hurts. Or as much as I want him. But he wants sleep. Seems reasonable enough. I want sleep.

11

Tight rope walking is an art that my man has perfected. He sweats only inside as he risks the fall in bringing my morning coffee. No net. Still he smiles as though this particular rope is a lifeline. A tether? He could never be The Boy With The Hair. No; My Man Is No Boy. He dares greatly clutching a quivering cup of lifeblood. One foot placed carefully In front of the other 50 feet above the DMZ each morning Into enemy territory. Into me. The bravest Man I’ve known is a performer in a circus where the perks are landmines languish and breakfast with The Bearded Lady.

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Oct 9, 2023

Oct 9, 2023 at 9:47 AM UTC

Daddy Long Leggs

Tight rope walking is an art that my man has perfected. He sweats only inside as he risks the fall in bringing my morning coffee. No net. Still he smiles as though this particular rope is a lifeline. A tether? He could never be The Boy With The Hair. No; My Man Is No Boy. He dares greatly clutching a quivering cup of lifeblood. One foot placed carefully In front of the other 50 feet above the DMZ each morning Into enemy territory. Into me. The bravest Man I’ve known is a performer in a circus where the perks are landmines languish and breakfast with The Bearded Lady.

31

Once upon a time I bought a house from a guy that looks a lot like you -the type with an honest face. To be fair I wasn't a hard sell. He never had to ask me to ignore the leaking sink, or the door you had to shut a little too hard. I never needed sold on the messy neglected interior. I was hungry for a home An easy commission check. I never asked about the interest rate, or the property taxes, or what it would cost to insure the place. No thought whatsoever about the blood, sweat, and tears it would cost Each Month to pay the mortgage. Just to keep it. Just to stay. My brow, and eyes and cheeks, raw from the salt they'd come to know. A bad investment. Bad negotiations. I took the long way home. I'm so glad I made it though. Thank you.

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Oct 7, 2023

Oct 7, 2023 at 10:54 PM UTC

The Long Way Home

Once upon a time I bought a house from a guy that looks a lot like you -the type with an honest face. To be fair I wasn't a hard sell. He never had to ask me to ignore the leaking sink, or the door you had to shut a little too hard. I never needed sold on the messy neglected interior. I was hungry for a home An easy commission check. I never asked about the interest rate, or the property taxes, or what it would cost to insure the place. No thought whatsoever about the blood, sweat, and tears it would cost Each Month to pay the mortgage. Just to keep it. Just to stay. My brow, and eyes and cheeks, raw from the salt they'd come to know. A bad investment. Bad negotiations. I took the long way home. I'm so glad I made it though. Thank you.

33

I can never unremember discovering how much we both loved 3eb that day in your bed at the yellow house. Maybe that’s when I should have known that I could never have you. You knew that before I did. I'm the one that's Stupid. And there’s still this BURNING. Like there’s always been? I’ve always felt so alone. I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt Alive.

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Jan 22, 2022

Jan 22, 2022 at 3:52 AM UTC

Motorcycles and Drivebyes

I can never unremember discovering how much we both loved 3eb that day in your bed at the yellow house. Maybe that’s when I should have known that I could never have you. You knew that before I did. I'm the one that's Stupid. And there’s still this BURNING. Like there’s always been? I’ve always felt so alone. I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt Alive.

13

Do better! Be better! Want me! I screamed into the void of my thoughts. I wasn’t sure who I was screaming at but I had at least a few people in mind. The reality is: it could have been anyone. No one had ever been enough. I had always believed that I had not been enough for anyone. The trouble it seems: He was right. No one had been enough for me. Maybe I was my intended audience. ****

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Oct 13, 2021

Oct 13, 2021 at 1:56 AM UTC

****

Do better! Be better! Want me! I screamed into the void of my thoughts. I wasn’t sure who I was screaming at but I had at least a few people in mind. The reality is: it could have been anyone. No one had ever been enough. I had always believed that I had not been enough for anyone. The trouble it seems: He was right. No one had been enough for me. Maybe I was my intended audience. ****

15

It’s the t-shirts on parade and imagining that the new girl feels bad for me. It’s that the new girl isn’t the new girl but that she is the girl. It’s that I wasn’t ever actually the girl and she will never know the significance of each shirt. It’s the feeling that I will only ever be a footnote in the partners I’ve shared. The feeling that I won’t ever be the headliner only the one that came before or after. I've got great taste in t-shirts though.

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May 23, 2021

May 23, 2021 at 11:57 PM UTC

T-shirts on Parade

It’s the t-shirts on parade and imagining that the new girl feels bad for me. It’s that the new girl isn’t the new girl but that she is the girl. It’s that I wasn’t ever actually the girl and she will never know the significance of each shirt. It’s the feeling that I will only ever be a footnote in the partners I’ve shared. The feeling that I won’t ever be the headliner only the one that came before or after. I've got great taste in t-shirts though.

11

I love you and I used to could talk about it But now it feels like manual labor forming orders inside my mouth. I want to say “when did it all come to be so hard?” But it has always been this way, hasn’t it? reasons Reasons REASONS For bizarrely monogamous reasons it has always been hard to talk about the way I love you. We were married and that was reasons. And then we were married but IN LOVE and that was Reasons. Then we were divorcing and HURTING and that was REASONS. And now we are friends and have all new ReAsOnS

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Sep 22, 2020

Sep 22, 2020 at 12:41 AM UTC

ReAsOnS

I love you and I used to could talk about it But now it feels like manual labor forming orders inside my mouth. I want to say “when did it all come to be so hard?” But it has always been this way, hasn’t it? reasons Reasons REASONS For bizarrely monogamous reasons it has always been hard to talk about the way I love you. We were married and that was reasons. And then we were married but IN LOVE and that was Reasons. Then we were divorcing and HURTING and that was REASONS. And now we are friends and have all new ReAsOnS

17

“Emotionally Impregnated” was the phrase that came to mind when I tried to make sense of what had happened to me half way through listening to the song he had sent “You know you gave me all the time Oh, did I give enough of mine?” It was the unchangeable joining of thought and feeling that produced within me a growing emotional experience that no more asked permission to be than did any other seed and egg. “Say you don’t know me anymore But that’s a bullet on your floor” I have never been a reliable narrator though how many negative tests have I produced even amid ******* that imagined they were swollen nausea that persisted for days and blood that stained sheets much later than expected? Had I just spent the last two years in an elaborate emotional pregnancy scare? Had the joining of lyrics of hungry bodies of insatiable hearts produced within me an embryo of empty hope? Have I sabotaged my own lifeblood in a desire to force from my womb some monstrous and malformed product of what had been lifegiving friendship?

0

Apr 14, 2020

Apr 14, 2020 at 7:45 PM UTC

Emotionally Impregnated

“Emotionally Impregnated” was the phrase that came to mind when I tried to make sense of what had happened to me half way through listening to the song he had sent “You know you gave me all the time Oh, did I give enough of mine?” It was the unchangeable joining of thought and feeling that produced within me a growing emotional experience that no more asked permission to be than did any other seed and egg. “Say you don’t know me anymore But that’s a bullet on your floor” I have never been a reliable narrator though how many negative tests have I produced even amid ******* that imagined they were swollen nausea that persisted for days and blood that stained sheets much later than expected? Had I just spent the last two years in an elaborate emotional pregnancy scare? Had the joining of lyrics of hungry bodies of insatiable hearts produced within me an embryo of empty hope? Have I sabotaged my own lifeblood in a desire to force from my womb some monstrous and malformed product of what had been lifegiving friendship?

30

He sleeps while I lay awake No news. I think this is the nature of boys. How many times have I lain awake while a boy I was ******* slept? Sometimes when you are faced with absurdity All you can do is sleep. I think I've made a terrible mistake but this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I am not to be trusted. I don't think I've slept in nearly two years. Instead closing my eyes only in the merciful combination of desperation and design. Last night he went to sleep at 12:03 I listened for his breaths to slow. I rubbed my feet together softly; In near panic. And didn't turn on Josh Ritter until 12:33. Aside: Falling in love =/= being in love Life is all about lessons. Choices. 🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶 I never felt alone until I met you. 🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶 Not alone like this. Do you dwell in this space also? Am I less alone in at least that much? Sleep softly, babes.

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Apr 3, 2020

Apr 3, 2020 at 2:04 AM UTC

He sleeps

He sleeps while I lay awake No news. I think this is the nature of boys. How many times have I lain awake while a boy I was ******* slept? Sometimes when you are faced with absurdity All you can do is sleep. I think I've made a terrible mistake but this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I am not to be trusted. I don't think I've slept in nearly two years. Instead closing my eyes only in the merciful combination of desperation and design. Last night he went to sleep at 12:03 I listened for his breaths to slow. I rubbed my feet together softly; In near panic. And didn't turn on Josh Ritter until 12:33. Aside: Falling in love =/= being in love Life is all about lessons. Choices. 🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶 I never felt alone until I met you. 🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶 Not alone like this. Do you dwell in this space also? Am I less alone in at least that much? Sleep softly, babes.

31

I heard a song today that I know I am not better for having heard. **** you, Steve Forbert and **** you for "But everything burned And fell from my hand I had to turn back Or build a new plan" My life was better before this affirmation of the universal human experience of whole entire worlds burned to less than ashes in those moments of clarity. "Meet me in the middle of the day Let me hear you say everything's okay Meet me in the middle of the night Let me hear you say everything's alright" We could have stopped at "Romeo's Tune" and danced forever in the kitchen of my heart. That might have been the nostalgic space you occupied but you weren't ever happy until you had force ****** me: "You're thinking you've found The one special place Where all your dreams Will walk out in line And follow the course You've made in your mind It isn't gonna be that way" 1978-2020 More than forty years apart the same soul sick hurting! Can you feel it now when the sun warms your skin? Does your heart sing love songs as before? Did it feel like betrayal when you rejoined everyone who had been waiting? I need so much to believe you are ok now Steve Forbert.

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Mar 13, 2020

Mar 13, 2020 at 1:01 AM UTC

"It Isn't Gonna Be That Way"

I heard a song today that I know I am not better for having heard. **** you, Steve Forbert and **** you for "But everything burned And fell from my hand I had to turn back Or build a new plan" My life was better before this affirmation of the universal human experience of whole entire worlds burned to less than ashes in those moments of clarity. "Meet me in the middle of the day Let me hear you say everything's okay Meet me in the middle of the night Let me hear you say everything's alright" We could have stopped at "Romeo's Tune" and danced forever in the kitchen of my heart. That might have been the nostalgic space you occupied but you weren't ever happy until you had force ****** me: "You're thinking you've found The one special place Where all your dreams Will walk out in line And follow the course You've made in your mind It isn't gonna be that way" 1978-2020 More than forty years apart the same soul sick hurting! Can you feel it now when the sun warms your skin? Does your heart sing love songs as before? Did it feel like betrayal when you rejoined everyone who had been waiting? I need so much to believe you are ok now Steve Forbert.

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