I was given the world,
scared of it all, watching from far away.
I am losing myself trying to compete,
With everyone else, Instead of just being me.
Yet I have lost my faith and strength in it,
Its been hard, I've fallen over the edge.
Everything is running like clockwork,
yet I am broken, bruised and misshapen.
I would like to say Im stronger than this.
Im a warrior, I have skin like armour.
Yet I grab pen and paper and go to write a goodbye,
You can call me, but the number is no longer in service.
I don't want to spin around in my head,
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful, know that i am loved.
The pain, the ugly, the truth I wear on my arms,
My sleeves are covered in it.
You can catch my tears and watch the sky pour from me,
but I know nothing will change.
I want to say I am a warrior, but I'm not.
All I am is something that I should have terminated.
May 18, 2016
May 18, 2016 at 6:01 PM UTC
Go on, throw me to the wolves,
I dare you
just a warning though.
Tomorrow i'll be back,
clothes un torn and leader of the pack.
Don't forget those who look the weakest
have been the strongest for the longest.
Everyone needs a break
You will regret it if you take that as weakness.
Sep 22, 2015
Sep 22, 2015 at 1:07 PM UTC
Cut me open and tell me whats inside,
diagnose me because i keep wondering.
Why my frequency is always off,
on a different pitch from the world.
Nobody to hear my cry, can anybody respond?
I need a cure, my circle doesn't fit the worlds square,
my corners missing, never fulfilled.
My brains wired wrong and I need a remedy.
Its not a phase it happens all the time.
The walls are desolate, a body full of ghosts.
No hint of movement or a sign of a pulse,
only a echo of skin and bones.
So come rain on my parade,
because I want to feel something.
Come shove me over the edge, tear me apart
because my head is in overdrive.
I know I'm supposed to be more,
Im not just another brick in the road,
more than just a spec of dust.
Life is supposed to mean more but i can't do this on my own.
Who will fix me now? Save me from myself?
Sep 22, 2015
Sep 22, 2015 at 12:59 PM UTC
I hope one day I will fade
like the breath of a person,
or finger print on a clouded window
that disappears as fast as it arrived.
I am not brave enough to wipe away
my name smudged into the window,
or erase my existence from this world
as i cannot keep my thoughts straight.
Jan 2, 2015
Jan 2, 2015 at 11:29 PM UTC
Stare at the sky and you will realise,
realise you forgot clouds move and suns shine.
They rush past while time spent is in your head.
Take a moment, to breathe, to listen,
listen to the stillness and allow it to consume you.
Allow yourself time to not think, not feel.
Its not often we appreciate the beauty of nature.
Listen to the orchestra the world sings,
sings for everyone to hear the beauty in the sounds.
Leaves falling in time to the branches groan in the wind.
Nature isn't just the outdoors,
it is everything on this planet, including you.
the sunrises upon your legs from a fall, your inner beauty singing.
*More often we need to allow out fingertips
dip into fresh streams, to feel the cool water
and take time to love ourselves as we love the beauty of our surroundings.*
Jan 2, 2015
Jan 2, 2015 at 11:25 PM UTC
What words to describe a person,
do you use words of love, or hate?
Words that distinguish one or standardise them?
I use these words describe you and our story.
Hum, the steady sound of your voice and being
that prevents me from being alone.
Hunger, that I crave
the only substance I need to keep me alive.
Grin, the smile thats grows
when I'm around you and disappears when we are apart.
Greeting, from saying hello
to good morning when we wake entwined.
Imprint, that stamp you leave
leaving your smell on the pillows long after you've gone.
Impetuous, those impromptu trips out
beaches, road trips, kisses, that show your love.
Frame, the moments we want to pause
treasure for ever in frames yet time ticks on.
Foul, for the bad days and moods we have
natural and made us stronger, for good and bad.
Apertural, the opening of our hearts
that lets in the light of us, love, hope of a future.
Absent, when sitting with friends or at work
I’m not there, I’m still in the morning in my head with you.
These words mean different things to people,
average words in dictionaries, but for us
these words have different meanings with more substance
a dictionary of us.
Oct 19, 2014
Oct 19, 2014 at 3:46 PM UTC
They say “write what you know”
I want to write about love and beauty, but I only know ugly.
No heart has ever belong to me,
no hands have ever sparked at a touch.
Ugly lives with creative minds,
given courtesy of dreamy teen rom coms.
I want to write about fun family trips and birthdays'.
Joyous days spent frolicking on the beach,
but I only know secrets, shouting, spite.
Love that should be given as sweet as honey,
yet this family bee sting is laced with bitterness.
I would love to write about the moments of content.
wrapped in the light of the moon with someone,
breathing in synchronisation.
To tremor when I stand around you,
my heart racing to keep up with my shaky infatuation.
So i don’t write about these things.
I write about awkward fumblings,
ungracefulness of my ungainly movements.
dinners with no conversation,
the dullness of an everyday flat life.
I write what i know.
Oct 12, 2014
Oct 12, 2014 at 11:04 AM UTC
Words define me by people who shouldn’t matter
and of those who do matter.
Friends, family, strangers, bullies.
I live in the shadow of their words,
pinned down by their dictionary of hateful words.
These words squash me
squeezing so tight tears roll down my face.
They cocoon me in self consciousness,
self loathing and feeling of worthlessness.
They grate at my skin
wearing me down.
Few comments here and there
shaking my sanity.
They pierce all previous thoughts of myself
and burn holes in my mind.
I know they,
their words,
shouldn't matter but can you blame me
when everyone in my life
constantly puts me down.
Sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident.
Its the accidents that make me self destructive.
You think your being nice by telling me,
I can’t have a snack as you think I should stop eating so much
because my clothes look a bit tight this week.
You say your being kind, trying to help me out
but it k i l l s me i n s i d e and o u t.
Sep 15, 2014
Sep 15, 2014 at 6:40 AM UTC
It’s is a rope, with the strongest of fibres
that holds me together and can unthread and tear me apart,
it replaces my bones and makes me limp.
It makes me fold into myself as I walk -
are people staring at me?
Coiling so very tightly
twisting and turning and tying,
tying me up, forcing me to my knees.
Cuts deep into my foundation -
they’ve spread too far.
Rapid breath intakes, sweaty palms
my heartbeat is deafening, faster faster,
punching through my chest as I walk down the street.
I just need to get to the end
yet I always fail and f a i l more.
Trying not to let my weak body collapse me.
trying not the let the sheets smother me.
trying not the let the rocks squash me.
trying not to let the fingers strangle me.
trying not to let the words define me.
It’s like a ***** that holds my world together
there not point trying to look, you cant find it,
yet when I’m in public it comes loose.
I prepare to run as
the sky crumbles around me.
The ***** is so small you cannot tell it lay inside me
it’s so delicate so don’t look at me closely,
or you can see it in the twiddling in my fingers.
The dilated pupils and panicked expression.
Choose. Fight or flight?
I bite my lip so hard it starts to bleed
trying to keep it inside and hidden as to keep it a secret,
it’s like a wave trying to break towards the shore.
Like somehow, it’s never going to stop
so I keep sinking and sinking and nobody can tell.
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 12:42 PM UTC
During the winter
flowers wash over with snow-
quilting in numbness.
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 12:38 PM UTC