They start from nothing
A touch of a hand
A faint smile
Those thoughts trap you
in illusions
you have no right to be imagining
You’re stuck in a void
where the sound of their voice
is the only thing that makes sense
and the rhyme of their words
are the only comfort you’ll ever get.
You turn around
and look back at yourself
and question every intention
every thought
how and when and why
and up thinking about things
that could rip you apart.
I don’t know if it’s those thoughts
of self hate and disgust
Or the poison of hate you fed me every night
it’s the delusion you put in my head
a living happiness I am not living
A sadness so apparent
Hurt that won’t leave
A recession so painful
So familiar…..
Yet so **** comforting.
~ L.A.M
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 12:19 PM UTC
Growing up
I was taught that hate is such a big word
I was taught that I only hated the devil
That I only hated what kills me
That I hated what harms everyone
That I only “disliked” things
That it is not hate that I feel all the time.
Until I turned 16..
When I looked at myself in the mirror
And decided that hate.. is not a big word
That the anger and sorrow inside me
Is not sadness
The anger and sorrow inside me
Transformed me into a person
That love disowns.
I learned that the rage burning within me
Killed the soul I once had
And replaced it by the demonic thoughts that
I thought I hated.
I understood that the regret I had
Killed every cell in me and nothing-
Nothing in this universe could ever get them back.
I realized that hate was not something taught
it was something you develop
it is something that slowly takes over you
engulfs you until you find no justification
except in it’s corners.
I learned that slowly I became the devil
I once hated.
I became the person my mother
asked me to stay away from
because the hate inside me
hurt no one
except my own dying soul.
I realized that the rage, the sorrow, the betrayal
Transformed the love I once had
Into a never ending lump of darkness and hate.
May 23, 2016
May 23, 2016 at 1:13 PM UTC
Since I’ve met you
most of my poems were about nature;
how the birds sing
how the flowers bloom
Lately though
The birds don’t sing anymore
making nature a cage
surrounding my heart
crushing and letting it fall
like the shooting star that fell
the night I wished for you.
Lately I’ve been finding myself
stuck in a silent storm
(Not sure whether it was silent
because I couldn't yell
or whether it was silent
because I couldn't hear)
but I’m sure it was as silent
as the silence that developed between us.
I still find myself drowning
in the waves of that storm.
Every time the birds hummed your name
It rang in my ear like the sound of a bullet
leaving a hole as hallow as our past
but I don’t bleed
instead, my scars sing to the
closeness of your name
because they miss your touch..
They miss you…
And a bullet that rings
like your name
is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen.
-L.A.M
May 23, 2016
May 23, 2016 at 3:12 AM UTC