I wish my mom loved me.
I wish my brothers cared.
I wish my father was a dad
Who was always there.
I wish life had more ups
I mean im always going down.
I wish the overdose would **** my liver faster by now.
Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015 at 11:51 AM UTC
"If only we could have 3 wishes".
You could have as many wishes as you want.
Granted wishes, not so much.
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 9:54 PM UTC
I like open skies with many stars
I like clear oceans and lonely bars
I love watching animals attack their prey
I like to sleep so long i skip the whole day.
I like the feeling of having nothing to do
Not being bored but not feeling blue
Just relaxing and enjoying the sound of nothing
I like to take my time i dont like rushing
I like eating food that tastes real good
Even though itll **** me i love it still
I love to lay outside and watch the birds fly above me
I love to think that one day id find life itself lovely.
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 7:55 PM UTC
I tried to be mean
Because i grew tired of being sweet
Having no one be as nice to me
But it didnt work
Because it isnt me.
The mask of smiley has fallen off
And ugly exposed to all
Tears that are 18 years old
Blood that used to be red chipping off.
I tried to be nice
Because being mean i was sure
Made me myself feel very poor
But then i realize it gets me no where
And still i continue to go there
Pick the mask up
Back on my face
Cover the years worth of pain
Keep on dragging myself through life
Wishing i didnt have to choose mean or nice
Wishing i could just feel better inside...
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 7:51 PM UTC
When you're too afraid to end it all
But you're desperate enough to wanna go away
You dont wanna hurt the ones you love
But you dont wanna feel any more pain
When the **** doesnt take you far enough
You think about *******
When your life has no meaning to you
But suicide is too much to pay.
Dec 1, 2015
Dec 1, 2015 at 2:36 PM UTC
Im tired of seeing **** and not being able to do anything about it.
Im tired of being here on earth
Where the solution to a problem
Creates more problems
People say **** just to make you think they would if they could solve it
But they dont solve ****
They dont even try
They watch and they comment and they hear you cry
Imagining if it were them
Thankful that it isn't
Just saying whatever lie
Is best convincing.
I'm sick of this ******* world and i can't wait to leave it.
I think about all the freedom from this hell of a life I've been given
The world is the worst place to be
Maybe not for you but without a doubt for me
More power to you if you love to live life
I, on the other hand will be on the other side.
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 5:39 PM UTC
This feeling is the worst feeling in the world.
To live some place and not feel at home.
I come to my mothers house and the feeling only grows.
Thought i would feel better but i only get worse.
If i dont feel at home anywhere
Why am i here
I dont want to be here
I have no family
No friends
No love
No care for what the future consists of.
I dont have care for anything
I try to find happiness in everything
But i always fail
And i always feel
Like i know exactly where it is that i belong.
But to get there
I must take
The one thing that i have every day
My life
And i know
That fear has something to do
With why
I havent tried
Hard enough to actually persue
Death.
But that fear has gone a while ago
I have tried honestly harder than i ever have before
And still i can not get back home
Im at the bus stop waiting for the lights to show
I just want to go where i feel i belong....
Somewhere where i dont feel this anymore.
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 5:09 PM UTC
Isolated
Surrounded by water.
No one but me and the friends i can not see.
Once visible
Transformed into energy.
The sun always keeping the sand under heat.
Open skies
Enormous nights
Sounds of the natural world to be heard
Trees, clear oceans and home in sight.
All i want to hear is wind singing to me
All i want to feel is the water waving through me
Wetting my hair and allowing me to wish
I could spend eternity in this
Nothing but the rocks and open field
Setting me to imagine all of this could be real.
This is what i want to be
Free
Alone but not really
Alone
This is where i want to be
Home
I'd love
To go
Home
If i cant see you
Come with me.
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 2:43 PM UTC
this isn't easy.
it'll sound crazy.
but i can not pretend anymore.
i don't belong here.
i have no desire for anything.
i don't hold onto anything.
i let go of everything and care about nothing.
the relationships with my brothers and sisters
are the only things keeping me to stay.
had i not known them my whole life
by now i would have taken it away.
i fear to do that to them
to burden them with that loss and pain
but the truth about me is that as long as i'm alive i will never be happy
i will never be okay.
i do smile, and i do laugh.
I do love, and i give thanks.
i do appreciate, and have perfect moments.
but i dont want to continue at all i dont want this.
while you mourn death i mourn my birth.
the day i was taken from where i was born first.
since i was a little girl i had this feeling inside
i never wanted to be here i never wanted a life.
i am a soul who desperately wants to go...
back to where i belong, back home...
i dont want to have a job i dont want to go to school
i dont want to wake up in 10 years with things im responsible for.
i dont have a passion or a purpose here
ive always felt this way that's how i know that it is real.
even being happy i just dont want to live.
if i didnt have to take my life there is nothing i wouldnt give.
i was always asking him
please take me with you.
bring me where you are,
i want to come with you.
i never understood why a child should want to die.
especially feeling the desire with no reason why.
if im this suicidal how come i'm still alive?
believe me i have tried,
i've tried so many times.
maybe he doesnt want me there yet,
maybe i have not done the work...
the job i was set out to do, unfortunately, when i was born.
or maybe he has to be the one to take me there
maybe i shouldnt go on my own.
you may think i'm stupid,
or too depressed,
or just insane.
but i promise you i've tried to do normal things.
my mind doesn't change.
i've found happiness before
i've had goals and plenty more.
deep down inside it's still the same,
i want to open up that door.
i cant imagine how this may sound to someone who doesnt understand.
but what happens when you're put somewhere and you just KNOW this feeling you have,
it's so strong it's almost like communication from my past
the energy i used to be,
before it became my turn to do the task.
i feel like before we were all here we were in this peaceful place.
and everyone must be chosen to take the challenge and run the race.
it's not about winning
or how fast you go
or even finishing.
it's about experiencing the form of life
can you get passed the puddle without slipping...
i think i've proven myself
i can handle anything in life.
i've been tortured with every pain you could possibly feel inside.
i feel like i know things about how life goes and what works and what wont,
i just cant stop feeling like i dont belong here i just dont....
im not sad right now im not trying to sound crazy...
the truth about me is i miss the world where i was created.
Nov 29, 2015
Nov 29, 2015 at 5:01 AM UTC
You have mastered the eyes of an actor.
A true masked manipulator .
You could convince me that I didnt have to leave,
You'd also made me worship things I would have never believed.
Your smile could lead one to think that you were genuine and safe.
The sensitivity in your voice made the worst situations okay.
Control the mind with your natural lies.
Make me believe it is just you and i.
You act in a way that is almost like you preach.
Guiding us to be believe that the impossible could be.
I'm positive that you could even make me think...
That even under water it is okay to breathe.
Someone so dangerous is a bad ending i know it.
Then again,
You'd keep me doubting the truth
Even after you expose it.
Simply power
Is what you have
To lead anyone the worst way.
Giving me hope that i could pass with no studying on the first day.
Convince me that i can leave you alone and not do this
Give me time to heal from you and never again be so foolish.
Victim of false hope
False belief
False emotions.
One day I'll get you to take a breath under the ocean.
Nov 27, 2015
Nov 27, 2015 at 8:55 AM UTC