A few days ago I was asked to describe the person I‘m in love with,
And to my own surprise, I didn‘t really know what to say.
Of course I could have talked about your attitude to laugh at really bad comedy, or how you randomly start singing songs
And how you run like a toddler
And walk holding on to your bag with your hands in your pockets, crumbled inside yourself,
And how you never talk about it, but you miss your father,
And how you get so happy when there‘s an upcoming concert,
And how you told me you were planning on only wearing band clothes (and I didn‘t tell you, but you made me so happy),
Remember? Or how you crack jokes no one understands,
And how you fall in love with so many songs and musicians,
Or how you sit on chairs the way others sit on the floor,
Or how you sometimes scribbled song names on your books because
You knew I was going to look at them and because
You wanted me to listen to your songs,
And how I‘ve never seen someone who found that much freedom in dancing drunk,
Or how you just lay there and observed people instead,
And I could go on and on,
And I‘m not saying that those reasons aren‘t good reasons to love you,
Or that they don‘t all contribute to my broken heart,
Because they are and they do.
But what I didn‘t remember a few days ago,
Was the reason why I keep falling in love with you;
The reason why I think I could have loved you forever.
I didn‘t remember all the good things you do to others without ever letting them know,
Simply to make their life better. How you pick their drunken noses,
And make up their mistakes or talk people out of hurting them,
How you‘re always there to catch others,
No matter how hard you yourself are falling,
Or how you stayed awake and talked with me countless nights because
I was too sad to fall asleep.
I want the person who‘ll love you to know that you might not show it,
But you do care. Never assume that she doesn‘t love you,
Or that she doesn‘t care, because probably she cares a lot more than
You think. Just be patient. And love her.
And give her the time she needs to open up to you, even if it‘s an eternity. She deserves it.
Mar 19, 2015
Mar 19, 2015 at 3:44 AM UTC
I cannot fathom what it is about me that caught your interest
When I was far less, and far below all the rest
What made me enticing
What made me desirable
What made you change
Into something downright miserable
Maybe I was good for your ego
Something to show off
Maybe I was there for your convenience
Just barely good enough
You hurt me
Hit me
Kicked me
Casted me aside
When you were supposed to be my safe place
Why was it from you I felt the need to hide
I carry scars
Memories
Demons
Fears
But along with all this I've gained wisdom
Far beyond my years.
One of the things I never got used to
Was no longer hearing the sound of your heart beating in time with mine.
And even through everything
The sad
The happy
The joy
And the pain
I still don't think it was our time
You can argue that I'm wrong
Because I usually am
But they say fight for what you want
Am I wrong to take a stand?
I can't make you love me the way you said you would
But at the end of the day you've gone away and I can no longer remember the beautiful words you said I should.
But that's all they were, words that worked their way into my head
Caressed my thoughts
And pleased my feelings
And when you left, you left me dead.
Mar 18, 2015
Mar 18, 2015 at 5:08 AM UTC
I definitely think a lot less about you now,
And if anybody asked me if I’m in love,
I’d say no,
Because that’s what I’ve been telling myself for four months now.
But I’d still lie if I said that I don’t care about you.
Because I do, and I’m so angry at you. Some days, I really want to hurt you, not physically, no, emotionally,
The way you hurt me.
But then I remember that I couldn’t even stand seeing you cry over the death of a movie character,
So how could I hurt you like this?
Mar 18, 2015
Mar 18, 2015 at 5:04 AM UTC