Lostinthewordsofmyheart

i used to believe the cracks and missing pieces caused by another would keep me from being with the one who could love me properly. but as time, healing and care often does to you after heartbreak, i have learnt something. "love" with no space is simply attachment. the spaces and cracks left behind are how someone learns to truly love you. these spaces provide room for patience, understanding, growth. love. i’ve realised that loving someone means caring for them in the space between. to love someone is to fix them. to water them in their cracks with peace and light all to watch them grow. all to watch them heal all to watch them realise what love is. all to watch them learn how to love with space in between.

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Aug 11, 2021

Aug 11, 2021 at 12:17 PM UTC

The space between

i used to believe the cracks and missing pieces caused by another would keep me from being with the one who could love me properly. but as time, healing and care often does to you after heartbreak, i have learnt something. "love" with no space is simply attachment. the spaces and cracks left behind are how someone learns to truly love you. these spaces provide room for patience, understanding, growth. love. i’ve realised that loving someone means caring for them in the space between. to love someone is to fix them. to water them in their cracks with peace and light all to watch them grow. all to watch them heal all to watch them realise what love is. all to watch them learn how to love with space in between.

16

i see us for what we really were. i look at the mirage of memories and now see them shrouded by clouds. we were not happy kids, making the best memories, we were simply two people trying to make the best out of gloomy weather

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Jun 27, 2021

Jun 27, 2021 at 8:33 AM UTC

looking back

i see us for what we really were. i look at the mirage of memories and now see them shrouded by clouds. we were not happy kids, making the best memories, we were simply two people trying to make the best out of gloomy weather

4

i hope one day someone’s hand will feel as perfect in mine as yours did. i hope one day my lips meet lips as soft as yours were. i hope one day my body will fit perfectly into the arms of another. i hope one day my heart will feel the butterflies again that left when you did. i hope one day to experience a love that doesn’t compare. a love that makes me realise that love with you isn’t the only love i will ever experience.

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Jun 23, 2021

Jun 23, 2021 at 4:14 PM UTC

one day

i hope one day someone’s hand will feel as perfect in mine as yours did. i hope one day my lips meet lips as soft as yours were. i hope one day my body will fit perfectly into the arms of another. i hope one day my heart will feel the butterflies again that left when you did. i hope one day to experience a love that doesn’t compare. a love that makes me realise that love with you isn’t the only love i will ever experience.

8

the girl wandered and dreamt and got lost in her head only to let it float up to the clouds. she read books and wrote poetry and found magic in the ordinary world. she contemplated and spent time with herself and drowned out the noise around her. she absolved the chaos within herself only through slighting that which occurred without. she wandered away until she could no longer find her place in the world but, in doing so, had found her place inside herself.

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Jul 14, 2020

Jul 14, 2020 at 4:24 PM UTC

fahrenheit 451

the girl wandered and dreamt and got lost in her head only to let it float up to the clouds. she read books and wrote poetry and found magic in the ordinary world. she contemplated and spent time with herself and drowned out the noise around her. she absolved the chaos within herself only through slighting that which occurred without. she wandered away until she could no longer find her place in the world but, in doing so, had found her place inside herself.

16

perhaps my love was never enough to fix a broken boy and his heart. perhaps my love was never enough because my heart was the one which needed fixing. perhaps my love was never enough not for him, but for me. my love was never enough because i gave it all up to fix a heart that didn’t need fixing.

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Jun 5, 2020

Jun 5, 2020 at 4:42 PM UTC

mirror boy

perhaps my love was never enough to fix a broken boy and his heart. perhaps my love was never enough because my heart was the one which needed fixing. perhaps my love was never enough not for him, but for me. my love was never enough because i gave it all up to fix a heart that didn’t need fixing.

11

the covers rustle as you slide under. slowly, gently. the light clicks off and your warmth moves across my back. your fingertip brush along my cheek with a stray strand of hair and your lips plant a quiet kiss where that strand used to be. when your breath moves from my cheek to the back of my neck, your hand slides around me and pulls me just that little bit closer to make us one. gradually my body begins to absorb into yours and your heat into mine as your breathing becomes deep. to love me in this way would be to love me completely, vulnerably, gently.

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Jun 5, 2020

Jun 5, 2020 at 2:29 PM UTC

gently

the covers rustle as you slide under. slowly, gently. the light clicks off and your warmth moves across my back. your fingertip brush along my cheek with a stray strand of hair and your lips plant a quiet kiss where that strand used to be. when your breath moves from my cheek to the back of my neck, your hand slides around me and pulls me just that little bit closer to make us one. gradually my body begins to absorb into yours and your heat into mine as your breathing becomes deep. to love me in this way would be to love me completely, vulnerably, gently.

10

I’ve never been a true believer of any religion with nothing more than a handful of faith. Since losing you, that handful emptied as I let you go. I now find myself wishing daily that I will find something to hold onto in order to feel a sense of belonging. I’ve never been much good at holding onto and belonging to myself.

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May 9, 2020

May 9, 2020 at 5:23 PM UTC

Belonging

I’ve never been a true believer of any religion with nothing more than a handful of faith. Since losing you, that handful emptied as I let you go. I now find myself wishing daily that I will find something to hold onto in order to feel a sense of belonging. I’ve never been much good at holding onto and belonging to myself.

4

one day, as you’re lying in bed, he will cross your mind like an unexpected thought. you will realize it is because today was the first day of not continuously staring at a chat with an empty message box not updating him on what you’re doing not feeling the urge to know how his life is going. it will scare you. this is the very thing that has terrified you from the very beginning. not knowing not being connected. don’t be scared. this connection? it was wrapped around your heart, your throat - slowly suffocating you. you don’t know what fresh air tastes like anymore. trust me - it is good for you despite its unfamiliarity. it is not his fault, it is not yours. the suffocating felt like comfort.

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Apr 21, 2020

Apr 21, 2020 at 11:47 AM UTC

comfortable suffocating

one day, as you’re lying in bed, he will cross your mind like an unexpected thought. you will realize it is because today was the first day of not continuously staring at a chat with an empty message box not updating him on what you’re doing not feeling the urge to know how his life is going. it will scare you. this is the very thing that has terrified you from the very beginning. not knowing not being connected. don’t be scared. this connection? it was wrapped around your heart, your throat - slowly suffocating you. you don’t know what fresh air tastes like anymore. trust me - it is good for you despite its unfamiliarity. it is not his fault, it is not yours. the suffocating felt like comfort.

22

memories of you are tainted in ways i can’t describe. ways that make me admit to having my first regrets. ways that make my stomach twist in discomfort at the thought of you. ways that make my heart ache while bursting up in flames. hot red anger at the memory of you. how dare you hurt me in such a way that memories in themselves, a concept i once used to cherish above all else, be twisted into things i despise. i never had regrets. i only ever looked at memories with light in my eyes and a feather heavy heart. until you.

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Apr 16, 2020

Apr 16, 2020 at 7:19 PM UTC

tainted memories

memories of you are tainted in ways i can’t describe. ways that make me admit to having my first regrets. ways that make my stomach twist in discomfort at the thought of you. ways that make my heart ache while bursting up in flames. hot red anger at the memory of you. how dare you hurt me in such a way that memories in themselves, a concept i once used to cherish above all else, be twisted into things i despise. i never had regrets. i only ever looked at memories with light in my eyes and a feather heavy heart. until you.

14

there was a time i wrote about you daily, putting into words the emotions attached to my belief of you being a guardian angel. the pain, the confusion, the hope, the faith. but now months have passed and i can’t help but think back on you and realize that in due time, my guardian angel never reappeared. i no longer have you, my guardian angel seems to have turned a blind eye towards me, my faith has long shriveled up, my hope and trust in you and us has morphed into hopelessness, my confusion is no longer towards why i was blessed with you and cursed with timing but rather towards the absence of you and all that you promised. in due time, i was never blessed with my guardian angel returning, but rather having to learn how to live without one. i am still deciding whether learning to live without you is a blessing or a curse.

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Apr 14, 2020

Apr 14, 2020 at 2:02 PM UTC

what happened in due time

there was a time i wrote about you daily, putting into words the emotions attached to my belief of you being a guardian angel. the pain, the confusion, the hope, the faith. but now months have passed and i can’t help but think back on you and realize that in due time, my guardian angel never reappeared. i no longer have you, my guardian angel seems to have turned a blind eye towards me, my faith has long shriveled up, my hope and trust in you and us has morphed into hopelessness, my confusion is no longer towards why i was blessed with you and cursed with timing but rather towards the absence of you and all that you promised. in due time, i was never blessed with my guardian angel returning, but rather having to learn how to live without one. i am still deciding whether learning to live without you is a blessing or a curse.

16