I’m not clever,
Not quite like you.
All the words that you say,
And they manage to make
It all okay.
I just want to be able,
To hold myself up,
On my own.
I keep finding myself
Drawn to you
And I want to be alone.
But I run to you,
When I can’t stand.
When I feel like
A million hands
Are keeping down
I wanna be strong
Enough to break
Myself away from
This pattern of
Desire and regret
Closure is around
The corner I can feel
It just beyond my reach.
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 1:24 PM UTC
First time lover for life,
What would things have been like,
If we had never said goodbye.
Where would we be now,
If you were still my dearest closest friend,
If all good things never came to an end.
I know that you moved on,
and respectfully so did I,
but I can't help to question
the grander purpose of our connection,
However brief it might have been.
You impacted me in ways,
I can hardly comprehend.
All those times you would stand for me,
When I felt weak,
Thanks to you I'm stronger than I ever thought I'd be.
Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017 at 5:03 PM UTC
All my dreams have given up on me,
But I won't, I'll never give up on them.
Karma doesn't seem to want me to succeed,
But I'll keep fighting till I finally break free.
I'll keep singing, you can't stop me from screaming,
I won't shut up till you let me speak my mind.
I'm not in control of my life and I want it back,
Stop judging my character by the things I lack.
Dec 10, 2015
Dec 10, 2015 at 6:40 PM UTC
I asked you to **** me quick,
You told me that you already tried,
And all your assassin's had failed.
And I'd have taken a gun to my head,
A long time ago accept that,
You made me promise to stick around.
I'm too young to be a burnout,
I'm too young to hurt this much.
They're teaching me how to learn,
I'm teaching myself to breathe,
While I'm pretending not to drown.
I've stopped sleeping and I've forgot how to dream,
It makes it hard to think for myself.
And I should've listened when they said,
Don't give your heart to the first pretty stranger,
Because they took it and ran and now,
I can't remember how to feel.
Nov 24, 2015
Nov 24, 2015 at 10:25 AM UTC
I lost you in the count down.
Became focused on the end.
You needed me to trust you,
But I put my trust in pain.
Wish I'd thrown my mind away,
It never had nice things to say.
All my fears and all of my doubts,
Magnify and empower my faults.
Let me sing till my wounds go numb,
I need to scream till his voice is gone.
With so many like me, I feel so alone.
So many like me, we all fear to get close.
In my weakness I find my strengths,
I find my ability to suffer with grace.
All of the burdens that held me down,
Became what I used to mend my crown.
Nov 22, 2015
Nov 22, 2015 at 1:36 AM UTC
It's ironic because I remember,
You promised to stick around.
But here I am, and I am alone.
All I wanted was a friendship,
That I thought would never end.
How could you tell me that we,
Would be okay when we never speak.
This knife in my back would hurt
less if you had sharpened it first.
And we were so close to glory,
When you had decided to leave.
I feel like a substitute for a feeling,
You couldn't produce on your own.
And now here I am, and I am alone.
I remember when you thought,
we could have a chance but,
I told you not to give us a second glance.
I hated it when you called me lovely,
But I'd give everything to hear,
you just say something now.
I regret taking the small things for granted,
When I'd give anything for just one moment.
Because it feels like the emptiness you left behind,
Weighs more than the world on my sholders.
I regretted it when I'd talk too much,
And you regretted it when you didn't say enough.
I still never managed to say it,
But somehow you found the breath to say goodbye.
Nov 17, 2015
Nov 17, 2015 at 6:55 PM UTC
You haven't left my mind since you left my side.
Goodbye never used to make me cry, till I woke up and realized goodbye could last forever.
I hate you but I'll die before the day comes that I stop loving you.
You were my umbrella in the sun.
I hated you for being a hero, but you were just doing the best you could.
You became my reason to hold on, when I should have been my reason to stay strong.
It feels like you're dead, but you're still answering my texts.
I promised myself I wouldn't talk to you, I guess you were right to call me a fool.
And they're all telling me I'm pretty, but they haven't seen my mind.
You never liked it when I called you Superman.
You despised yourself, and I never understood why.
I don't know why you tried to save me, when you couldn't save yourself.
Nov 2, 2015
Nov 2, 2015 at 9:47 PM UTC
If I close my eyes,
I can see my grave from the inside.
My fears leave me tongue tied,
And the dark leaves me terrified.
I wish I could think straight but my minds gone blind…
To my future.
Aug 23, 2015
Aug 23, 2015 at 10:23 PM UTC
At two in the morning,
everything looses meaning.
You haven't slept for days,
and maybe the lack of sleep,
helps take away from the sting
of the blade against your wrist.
You're covered in late night agonies,
that only turn into daytime lies.
Aug 15, 2015
Aug 15, 2015 at 2:23 AM UTC
When I was a little girl, it didn’t hurt so much that I didn’t have friends. I was too young to understand that being alone wasn’t normal. I didn’t know what being attached to someone was like. I always just depended on myself. Now that I’m older, and I see all these people. They all have someone. And I’ve only gotten mockingly close. Close enough to briefly taste what it’s like not to be alone. What it’s like to have someone help you counter the voices in your head. I got just close enough to realize that I was missing out. Enough to realize how dysfunctional I am. I am not capable of being with people. But I also know now that I don’t want to be alone.
Aug 6, 2015
Aug 6, 2015 at 1:30 PM UTC