I'm not my poems.
I'm not sad and miserable.
I mean, I was but not anymore..
I'm not better or happy,
I've found new things to be sad about.
Dec 31, 2018
Dec 31, 2018 at 3:11 AM UTC
I always feel like death would be better.
It has to better.
Whenever I can't handle my emotions, it looks better than everything.
Better than having ice cream on hot day.
Better than getting an A on that test I studied hard for.
Yeah, it has to better.
People always say, "Life will get better"
But it actually never does so death must be better.
It's twisted but think about it...
Nov 27, 2018
Nov 27, 2018 at 4:57 PM UTC
I write.
Pride erases.
I want.
Pride denies.
I feel.
Pride ignores.
Oct 28, 2017
Oct 28, 2017 at 3:33 PM UTC
Why do I always fall for the ones I cant get?
I don't fall often.
Honestly I haven't fell in a while.
I don't like falling.
It ***** and the fall is never worth it.
I've been fighting with myself for the past weeks,
trying to figure out what's wrong with me,
trying so hard to hold on and not fall but it happened.
Again there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I mean, I acted on it in the past and it didn't work out,
So maybe Ignoring it will be a good thing.
I don't know.
I just don't know how to deal with all of these emotions.
All I know is how to bury them and hide them in the darkest deepest cellar of my heart.
I have a lot of things I wanna talk about.
The problem is, I always wanna talk to the ones I cant get.
Sep 12, 2017
Sep 12, 2017 at 6:57 PM UTC
I thought it wasn’t fair.
Wasn’t fair to hate on every guy that I meet because it didn’t work out the first time,
Wasn’t fair that I closed my heart to people who really care about me
So I thought I should give it one last try
So I opened up
I haven’t opened up in a long time and it was weird
I told him about my fears and showed him my scars
He said things I wanted to hear and I loved every second of it
For the first time in a long time I was genuinely happy
For a few hours I was a different person
A happy person
I wasn’t in pain and I was hurting
I know it may seem as if I’m exaggerating but the feeling was amazing
It was a feeling that I wanted to feel often
He has issues himself but I thought at that moment nothing mattered
Now he is nowhere to be found
He gave me a taste of heaven and he left
Just like that
I don’t know where he is
He’s silent and the feeling of love is leaving me
I’m starting to think that there was no love
No connection
I called and texted and nothing
Now I don’t feel how I wanna feel
I don’t wanna admit that I’m hurt
I don’t wanna admit that love has once again failed me
Now I’m starting to think that maybe I’m the problem
Maybe love isn’t for me
The sad part is that I’m deep in it
The sad part of it all is that he told me to fall
He said he will catch me
I believed him and I fell
Now I hit my head on the ground
Now I’m dead again
Now tears are rushing down my face
I’m hurt again
I don’t understand though
WHERE IS HE?
Maybe I’m just too quick to judge the situation
Maybe he is just as scared as me'
Maybe he doesn’t have data
Maybe he’s busy
Maybe he went home
Maybe there’s something wrong
Maybe he’s just waiting for the perfect moment
I don’t know
I don’t wanna text him because he 'blue ticked' my last message
But that’s not how love works
I just gonna get rid of my pride and ask
So I’m gonna ask
I can’t believe I’m going through this AGAIN
This time I’m crying
This time I don’t know why I can’t just say 'FUCK IT'
This time my heart is heavy
Listening to Ed Sheeran doesn’t help either
Maybe that’s why I’m really letting it out
I’m scared because I think this time I can’t pretend to be happy when I’m really not
Feb 25, 2017
Feb 25, 2017 at 4:27 AM UTC
When first times turn into last times. Its a sad story that nobody should know
Feb 6, 2017
Feb 6, 2017 at 7:08 PM UTC
No introduction needed. We all know what pain is. Not the kinda pain you feel after falling but the kinda pain you feel after trusting, loving, caring and compromising and getting betrayed. We all know how hopeless pain makes one feel. And how one loses himself in it.
I on the other hand didn't know pain until it happened. Until nothing and everything happened.
Now my hand aches from the long nights i spend making love to my paper. Writing not because its artistic but because its a way of life. Survival.
I now know what pain is and I can tell you that its painful. I can tell you that it makes one feel hopeless..
My pain has turned me into a dark void. I push it down everyday assuming that I'll someday get relief from it.
Lost in my own mind that has nothing but haze that clouds every corridor. Pain that represses every form of feeling. I'm sitting in the middle of it all.
No conclusion needed. We all know that pain kills.
I know too....
Sep 16, 2016
Sep 16, 2016 at 4:34 PM UTC
She's sometimes afraid of him.
Afraid that he'll shut her out.
She is deep in it and she is willing to do anything to make sure that it doesn't happen.
This feeling of feeling so into him isn't gonna leave her anytime soon.
Every time she tries to forget about him,
she finds herself remembering all the good he has said.
She's afraid of being replaced.
A part of her believes she wouldn't but reality tells her a different story.
All the strings in her broke and she is losing her mind.
She is losing her mind over some guy.
A guy who teases her for being in love with him.
A guy who to me doesn't know what love is.
She's not gonna force anything.
Whether what she wants to happen happen or not,
she will be okay.
She knows that she has to somehow forget about him but she can't.
She is feeling alone and lost.
Broken.
She should be feeling love.
But I guess she's afraid of that too.
Sep 7, 2016
Sep 7, 2016 at 12:06 PM UTC
Can't move on. Everything reminds me of him and the love we could have had.
I smile to hide the pain but my cheeks hurt.
I'm going nowhere.
Writing makes things better and only makes things worse.
It takes the pain away and it escalates it.
Emotions getting the better of me.
Hating everything and everyone except for him.
He is proud of himself for getting me all worked up.
And I'm disappointed in myself for getting all worked up over a stranger that introduced me to darkness.
That introduced me to pain and anger.
I wish to stop allowing him to **** me over.
But it's like I'm enjoying the pain.
I enjoy getting hurt.
That's the only way to explain why I still love him.
I somehow found pleasure in pain.
That's the only way to explain why I still try.
I'm addicted to the pain.
Sep 7, 2016
Sep 7, 2016 at 7:23 AM UTC