I come back to this website after two years, I have found myself now. I used to be such a bad person waving confederate flags and saying slurs. Now I have found out that I myself am not a straight Christian girl. I won’t be editing my old poems but if you are confused I no go by he/it prounous I’m a non-binary male and I’m pansexual hope this doesn’t change anything to the few people who saw my poems
May 25, 2021
May 25, 2021 at 1:31 PM UTC
It’s seen me before a presentation fear In my eyes
It’s seen me pulling at my fat, wondering why I still have thunder thighs
It’s seen my scars on my body from where I self hate
It’s seen me debating my fate
It’s seen me rehearsing my smile for that blasted picture day
It’s seen me hide the shake in my voice as I lie that I’m okay
My reflection has seen everything and still stuck around
But you’ve only seen a partial, and you’re no where to be found...
Jul 6, 2019
Jul 6, 2019 at 3:14 PM UTC
Somewhere over the rainbow;
They say blue birds fly.
But, they don’t
They just die,
Just like us.
They realize life ******
Sorry kid, you’re ******
May 17, 2019
May 17, 2019 at 12:02 PM UTC
I’m the kind of sick
A hospital can’t fix
Even if the nurses try
I’ll never learn to fly
I’m a bird without its wings
When I remember this predicament, it stings
I want to learn to fly, to soar
But my wings don’t work anymore
I try to get out of bed
Trying to get regularly fed
But I rather dream of other places
Meeting all the new faces
I rather lay with all my comforting pillows
Stay inside, away from the outside willows
I rather sit in my own tears, soon to drown
My lips seem to form a permanent frown
Because what’s the use of a bird who can’t seem to fly
It’s the equivalent of a human who wishes to die...
AD
2019
Apr 14, 2019
Apr 14, 2019 at 10:06 PM UTC
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Apr 7, 2019
Apr 7, 2019 at 5:23 PM UTC
The birds woke me up
With the singing of their voices
Such a lovely little song
But my head fills with choices
the birds sing and make a new song
As I sit in my bed wishing to die
But somehow I still listen along
trying not to cry
Because I’ve learned the birds are not singing
The lovely noises are their crying
We have so much in common
Just like me, they wish to be dying
Apr 7, 2019
Apr 7, 2019 at 4:14 PM UTC
Fight
fists
Sweating
Blood
Fight
Yelling
Screaming
Punching
Kicking
Fight
This is what we think of when we say fight,
But what about the fight that we don’t say
The fight that goes on every day
The fight that make us want to cry
The fight that can make you die
The fight that we forget about
The one that fills us with doubt
The one that makes us want to scream
The one that excludes us from the team
That is the fight
And it takes all our might
Just to get through the day
And when someone asks how we are we manage to say “ok”
Even if we aren’t “good”
And this is why we pull up our hoods
Blast music in our ears
Filling our souls with fears
This my friends
Is the fight
Apr 6, 2019
Apr 6, 2019 at 12:47 PM UTC
All of the distaste
For the life of disgrace
An unloving mother,
One helpless little brother
An abusing father
The eldest daughter
The poor family falls
As the devil calls
We’re falling down
Here is your crown
You’re the queen of despair
The world so unfair
you lock your lips
As you cut your hips
Your blood will stain
As your tears rain
Protecting your little brother
As the hits go to you, and your mother
Drunkenness takes your father
You tell yourself you’re not his daughter
Stuck in this rut
All you can do is cut
But life tries to make you drown
As the bath water begins to surround
One breath, two breath, three breath, four
Sadly your lungs don’t work anymore
Apr 5, 2019
Apr 5, 2019 at 7:30 PM UTC
You will never be able to be pleased.
I know when you’re upset,
I know when you’re in a fret,
I know when you’re mad,
I know when you’re sad,
But you don’t know when I’m crying
But you don’t know when I’m dying
But you don’t know when I’m hurting
But you don’t know when I’m averting
I take all of your words and pain,
and all you do is tell me I’m insane.
You get mad at me for cutting,
so I learned to hide them.
You get mad at me for crying,
so I learned to do it when you’re out.
You get mad when I am lying,
so I learned to put on a mask;
And when I fall and crumble,
You don’t care enough to ask.
Dec 8, 2018
Dec 8, 2018 at 1:07 PM UTC
My minds like a hotel, but with no pay
Stay as long as ya like
Or even just a day
So the first day I opened up this guy happy came to town
he wanted to crash and stay around
He stayed a while and became real known
But By the time I was 12 this guy depression walked right in
I put him a room in the back
Only to see him come attack
He liked to say stuff
And get real rough
I closed up shop
We were all asleep late one night
And depression called up his bud Useless fright,
People knew him as anxiety
And then He made a call to society
The rules, the dress codes, everything
He preached about weight and what clothes to bring
So I wake up and open up shop
to see two people waiting for the doors to unlock.
Guess who...
Anxiety and society, oh no not you too
I give them a room in the back
And my head gets filled with this crap
You’re Fat, ugly, and stupid society screams
While anxiety whispers in my ear, for-filling his schemes.
After that happy checks out
Happy says “I didn’t know they would bring such doubt”
Uh oh
Here we go
Hotels falling real fast
Because of their schemes and screams
Ding ding
There goes the door
Oh jeez not one more
Hey I’m isolation he said
I give him a room keeping him fed
They all join forces making it tough
Always making life rough
Ding ****
I open the door
Without saying anything he skids the floor
Hey dude that’s no ok
I didn’t do it he lies and starts to say
So I guess you’re lies
I look him in the eyes
No I’m truth he goes on
Wow your completely wrong
Pick a room I don’t care
Have fun remember to share
I’m so tired I sit in my chair
This hotel is in disrepair
I turn 13 years old
Nothing but the Same old same old
But then knock knock
Who are you?
Well I’m self harm how’ do you do?
Take a room in the back
Rooms we lack
I close the door only to here
Ding ding
I open up
Uh oh he looks tough
Suicidal thoughts is the name
And trust me don’t get in my way
So rest of the year life is bad
and that’s when it happens it gets real sad
Suicidal thoughts calls up his brother
Suicidal actions shows up and gets a room
So thats when the hotel shakes
she did it! They yell, this has to be fake
They all run out leaving the rooms trashed
Uh oh she’s gonna crash
Fast forward to the morning we wake up
wait what?
I thought we were dead!
They are all gone but they left their stuff
I end up in a hospital for a month
I get much better and now
Their stuff it’s still left behind
But I only let in the kind
Happy, fun, hope, and love
Everyone else just gets a shove
My minds hotel all repaired
And now I know now people really do care
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018 at 9:38 PM UTC