even if i did fall in love with you
it was nothing that you did
to make me feel the way i did about you
you weren't special
you didn't make my stomach stir with butterflies
and yet
i still
loved you
and i hate to say it
because it was never planned
i didn't want it
and yet i
still
loved you
and its a feeling
a feeling
i cant make go away
i've thought about it for months
hating the idea that it could be possible
that i loved you
in ways you didn't deserve
in ways i shouldnt have given to you
but i did
because ive always been
a hopeless romantic
and i don't know why
i thought i could've changed that
to avoid it happening with you
and yet
i still
loved you
May 16, 2025
May 16, 2025 at 6:07 PM UTC
No longer with the monster I once called my lover
But him being a monster doesn't seem right either
But I can't help it
He put me through hell and back
I can't forget that sometimes there were moments of pure bliss
they just didn't last
Now
what is anyone supposed to do with that information?
All it tells you is that I'm broken
it feels like the trauma bond will never go away
I don't want to be tied to your soul anymore
so how do I let you go?
why am I still in love?
Aug 10, 2021
Aug 10, 2021 at 4:26 PM UTC
If I don’t let it out soon
All my troubles and worries
All my trials and tribulations
If I can’t open up my mouth soon
I will wither
I will shrivel up like a beautiful rose
That’s been depleted of its nutrients
I shed my last tear and haven’t watered myself since
If I don’t let it out soon
I will be still addicted to something
That isn’t even good for me
Addicted to someone
That isn’t even good for me
But is everything I could ever need
But if that’s so
Then why am I still withering?
If I can’t open my mouth soon
I will never be able to change
“I just want happiness”
Is all I have to say
How can I have that when I won’t let myself
Trapping myself in this box
Was not intended
Now I’m too comfortable
In a place I don’t even want
Bounded
Cursed
Stuck
All things that I feel every second of the day
So
If I don’t let it out soon
I’m going to be just like you
And that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person
But I can’t see myself being happy like this anymore
I love you so much
I never would’ve thought leaving you would be the only way to break free
From everything holding me back
So
If I can’t open my mouth soon
I’ll just be the next stereotypical black female
And I can’t have that
Dec 29, 2019
Dec 29, 2019 at 7:46 AM UTC
They won’t always make you smile
A lot of the times they’ll make you cry
You’ll hate everything about them
Until there’s nothing left of them for you to want to look at
You despise them
Until you remember that
Nothing had never been in their favor
But neither had yours
Love had not bloomed for them in the way they wanted
And it wilted quickly
Except it didn’t come back again next spring
A love unrequited I suppose
Nonetheless it hurt
Family that couldn’t be family
Friends that could never be kind
But just diggers instead
Users instead
Liars instead
Drug addicts instead
Pretending to live instead
Grasping onto dear life itself
That’s what had been pounded into them
The realization that
No matter what
It just wasn’t enough
So this hurt, fragile being
Could only do one last thing
Be numb
To not feel anything
Instead of everything
To make it all go away
That person had given up any chances of ever being whole
So
You can’t always hold a grudge over someone who’s had too many scars
To even want to make anything right in this world anymore
You can’t blame them for being hurt
For wanting to end it
But you can
Tell them it’s selfish
That you love them
That drugs aren’t the only ones who care about them
And someone,
You,
want to see them smile again
Jun 17, 2019
Jun 17, 2019 at 11:09 PM UTC
As the violinist brushes the bow against the instrument
She takes in a deep breath
She takes in those painful memories
And she exhales
They’re gone
Hitting her in flashes
She has to overcome the darkness that stands in the way of her light
She is torn
Because even if she wants to leave her past
She still holds some of those memories clutched tight to her thumping heart
Even the ones that haunt her the most
You see
She is split down the middle
Her mind is saying go
But her body won’t even tilt
She’s frozen stuck in a life
That she had wept about in nightmares
She was strong
But she couldn’t wrap her mind around living like this anymore
She got the message when her eyes would no longer shine
And she had to force a smile on to her face
She just wanted to be normal again
She wanted her violin to bring her joy
Once more
It had been her only sanctuary
The only place she called home
Apr 15, 2019
Apr 15, 2019 at 7:43 PM UTC
I miss that look in your eyes
The one you used to always give me
I miss the way we talked
Because no one else understood me as you did
We were meant to be together
But jealousy and lies got in the way
And even our own friends couldn't stand how happy we were
It made them sick
And they couldn't take it anymore
So they had to destroy
But they weren't the only reasons why
The flame we had eventually died
Because you couldn’t seem to keep your head ******* on
And I wasn’t able to loosen mines at all
And what was inseparable was now separated
And distanced
No longer knowing one another
Like we did
Ten years ago
When high school was our everything
But the bills became to be too much
And the deaths were too heavy
The scares took a toll
And the miscarriage is what ended it all
You see
We let everything get between
And there is no more us
But we both sit on the phone
Thumb over our contacts
Too prideful to press call
But tired of weeping and being alone
We know that no one else could ever
Fill the holes from shots that we blew at one another
Forever you are mine
As I am yours
This is my love letter to you
My soulmate,
My love,
Everything.
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 10:28 PM UTC
i pretend that it doesn't hurt
that tears dont drip down my cheeks too
that i dont hold my face in my hands
and weep while i wish for a better life
i hurt too
but i'd never let you know
when my world falls
i keep it to myself
because no one can save me from the destruction inside of me
and i smile
because i know that it's easier to say 'im fine'
instead of 'i want to die'
i hurt too
but i'd never let you know
how much my my mom just wants me to be okay
yet she doesnt have a clue
of how much her words slice through my skin
and make me bleed
apart of my chaos too
and i smile
because no one can save me from the destruction inside of me
from the ache in my heart
from the gun in my hand
im the only person that handle my monsters
and im honestly losing this war
but
i'd
never
let
you
know
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 10:13 PM UTC
You stepped on my heart
And stepped once more
And then you began to stomp
Eventually you were jumping on the pieces of a heart that was once yours
But when your walls come crashing down
And it feels like you’re holding the world on top of your shoulders
Remember that I was once your home
And I held all of those walls together
And I helped you pick up that planet off your weak frame
Because your struggles were mine
Remember that once upon a time
I was yours
Your home
And you treated me like treasure
Until you threw me off of the pedestal
You swore would forever be mine
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018 at 10:05 PM UTC
My edge
My straight edge
Cuts deep
And doesn’t want to let go
My straight edge
Loves to make you remember everything
But she wants you to forget too
My straight edge
Loves a game
And she’ll play it with you
My straight edge
Is a force to be reckoned
Beware
My straight edge
Is my worst nightmare
And paradise from hell
My straight edge
Is many things
But never has she left me
Nov 14, 2018
Nov 14, 2018 at 3:10 AM UTC
mysterious
is what i want to say
when i look at you
in your eyes
the curve of your lips
and the color of your eyes
all of you is intriguing to me
and like a nightmare all at the same time
i can never get you out of my head
in my mind is where you have always nested
images of you
playing over and over again
and although its haunting me
its not really like i want it to go away
because you are a beautiful but bitter sweet memory
and in my mind is where you have always nested
why would i take you away from that?
why would i take me away from that?
sure
maybe i could rip out whatever you left in me out
and watch myself bleed tears
or i could continue
because you are a beautiful but bitter sweet memory
because in my mind is where you have always nested
because you felt safe enough to close your eyes
because you felt safe enough to lay your head on my chest and finally rest
but its not fair to either of us
i noticed you before you noticed me
and i begin to wish that i never looked your way
or gave you the time of day
because now everytime I think of your name
my body is set aflame
Nov 9, 2018
Nov 9, 2018 at 12:51 PM UTC