I asked God to take me back
to that cold December night.
He whispered, “No.”
I asked Him to rewrite my story,
to erase the pain,
to soften every scar I carry.
Again He whispered, “No.”
“For if you never walk through flames,
how will you know they burn?
If your heart never breaks,
how will your spirit learn?
History was never made
for you to live in reverse.
I created you to move forward,
even when the road hurts.”
So I wiped my tears
with trembling hands,
and carried every lesson
like gold beneath my skin.
Because maybe the fire
was never sent to destroy me—
maybe it was sent
to teach me how to rise again
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 10:00 PM UTC
I want to hide it,
bury it somewhere deep inside me
where nobody can touch it,
where even I can’t find it anymore.
But it disappeared on its own.
And somehow,
feeling nothing
is a little too overwhelming.
It’s strange how emptiness
can still feel heavy enough
to crush your chest.
One moment I was hurting,
crying until my bones ached,
and the next…
everything shut off.
Like someone reached inside my mind
and pulled the plug.
No warning.
No goodbye.
Just silence.
Now I sit here wondering
if it’ll come back harder one day.
If all those emotions I locked away
are waiting behind some invisible door,
ready to break through me
like a flood that was never meant to stay contained.
Would it drown me?
Would I survive it?
Because sometimes
I can still feel it underneath.
Not fully gone—
just sleeping.
And that terrifies me.
I hate that this is the only way
my body knows how to survive.
To disconnect.
To detach.
To shut off pieces of my soul
like they were never alive to begin with.
The scary part is…
I didn’t even try to do it.
It happened automatically.
Like my body got tired
of carrying grief
and built its own emergency exit.
A healing mechanism, maybe.
Or maybe
just another way of dying slowly.
Because now I walk through life
not feeling anything fully.
Smiles feel borrowed.
Laughter sounds distant.
Love touches me
but never reaches deep enough anymore.
I don’t ache the same way I used to,
but I don’t breathe the same either.
And sometimes I miss the pain
because at least pain reminded me
I was still alive.
Now I just exist.
Quietly.
Numbly.
Like I’m gasping for air underwater
but nobody can see me drowning.
I don’t miss those feelings.
At least I tell myself that.
But maybe the truth is
I wish I could feel something again,
even if it destroyed me.
May 11
May 11, 2026 at 10:05 AM UTC
I gave you my body,
let you hold pieces of me
that nobody else could touch.
I handed you my heart carefully,
like glass trembling in my hands,
and you took it so easily.
Now you ignore me
like my love is something you can pause
and return to whenever you feel lonely.
Your excuse is,
“That’s just who I am.”
But how can hurting me
become part of who you are?
You became the person
who breaks the soul that trusted you.
I opened my book to you,
showed you pages written with tears,
with fears,
with scars I spent years hiding.
Some pages stayed closed at first
because I wasn’t brave enough yet.
I wasn’t sure if I could trust you completely.
But you called it lying.
You made me feel guilty
for protecting wounds
that were still bleeding.
So I gave you everything.
Every chapter.
Every secret.
Every trembling piece of myself.
And you used my own words against me.
Still…
I loved you harder.
I tried again.
I gave you my all
even while I was falling apart.
But why ignore me
when you know silence destroys me?
Why point at my insecurities
like they are weapons to use
instead of wounds to heal?
You make my heart bleed quietly.
You make my soul ache in places
I cannot explain.
My pages are torn now,
scattered everywhere,
ruined by the hands
I trusted to protect them.
Do whatever you want to me,
break me if you must,
leave scars if you have to—
just please…
don’t ignore me.
My heart cannot survive
being abandoned
by the person it beats for.
May 11
May 11, 2026 at 9:56 AM UTC
My body is mine,
soft in some places, broken in others,
but still beautifully mine.
It is not perfect,
not the kind the world paints in magazines
or places beneath bright lights for approval.
But when I look at myself,
I see survival.
I see growth.
I see me.
My scars tell stories
my mouth could never fully explain.
The cracks in me are proof
that I have been hurt,
yet I am still standing.
I have curves that deserve love,
lines that deserve kindness,
and skin that deserves to be touched gently,
especially by me.
There will never be another body like mine,
never another soul that carries pain, beauty, strength,
and softness in the same way I do.
So I will not hate this body anymore.
I will hold it with patience.
I will speak to it with love.
I will thank it for carrying me
through every hard day I thought would break me.
My body is mine.
And despite everything,
I am learning to love every part of it.
May 11
May 11, 2026 at 9:36 AM UTC
I told you I love you
You said it back
I told you I mean it you said you too
How come every time I say it now it's like you want me to stop
It's repetitive you say I'm saying I love you too much ok then I won't say it ever again I'll forget about what the word means I hate it I hate this feeling your making me evil you're making me wicked I now pray that those people who put **** in your head I wish them death is it bad that I had this wish in a switch of a button I'll be gone in a switch of a button you might loose me would u wish you told me repeatedly would you wish you hold me repeatedly would you wish you had more time I hope you don't im tired I'm fed up of the sane old they say this they say that when will it ever just be us I'm not breathing because im waiting for you the take the first air I want to scream I want to shout I want to hurdle up and go away to see if you'll miss me I forgot you only think about the bad not the good you never see me I hate this I hate this that not a repetition it's how I feel
Feb 21, 2025
Feb 21, 2025 at 7:02 AM UTC
My life is unfair I don't know where to begin
I love and yet receive none
my parents love me out of guilt
my siblings love me because of what I can do for them
My lover he think that that the ink on these pages are not from my heart if I Could tear a piece of my heart and write my soul out would you then believe my that these pages are filled with stories that mean the world to me if I tear my heart and write
you would see my heart bleeding on these pages you would see my broken truth
You would see my troubled soul so for today alone
I'll tear a sample of my heart to show you my care just for today you'll see my heart bleeding on to these pages just for today you'll see the scared little girl too afraid to talk because of the fear of being beaten
Just for today you'll see the apologetic teen who keeps apologising because of the torment she faced
Just for today you'll see the suicidal girl who thinks her life is meaninglessness
Just for today you'll see the girl who is afraid to love
Just for today I'll show you the still beating yet bruised heart
Do you see it now
my heart bleeding on the these pages do you feel the pain
Coming from these ****** pages
Have the vacant lines been filled with
The broken pen unable to write
do you see the crooked words my
informal sentences do you see it
I hope you saw my bleeding heart just for today
Dec 28, 2024
Dec 28, 2024 at 2:51 PM UTC
2 years ago I fell in love
2 years ago I was yours
The years flew by and we were separated by nothing but time
My love grew and my heart ache
My heart ache and my love felt the pain
He went to study time and distance became my enemy
He got a female roomy
She's sees him in ways I don't
She understands him while I don't
She's more like a lover n I the friend why do I feel like it's a competition
I feel like I'm losing my baby to another
Maybe She's twice the woman I'll ever be
I ask about his day he gets annoyed
I ask about her he gets annoyed
I ask about us he gets annoyed
Where do I stand maybe it's because I suffocate him with my rules
With my lack of trust
I show compassion it goes unnoticed
She breathe and I suffer
What should I do
Should I trust
Should I ignore my feelings
He made it clear that's there's nothing there I do believe him but still
When she breathe I'm left in pain
Maybe if I trust him and let go of my jealousy it would be fine
But yet all I know is there's a woman who's comforting my baby in ways I can't no not sexually mentally
My love my baby tell me how do I cope how do I go on knowing about this woman who makes you laugh
I trust you I love you
But how do I let go of my jealousy
Dec 26, 2024
Dec 26, 2024 at 9:17 AM UTC
I see your eyes enlarging with fear, as I step forward with nothing but a tear in my eyes. I really don't want to do this. But,you hurting me is repetitive like a broken record player. As I step closer, I see your face flushed as I ****** the knife back and forth. I raised the knife and stabbed you repeatedly as the blood splashed all over my body. Oh, this feeling, this spectacular feeling! I suddenly feel alive. I feel your energy enter my body as life leaves yours. As your once beautiful opaque body becomes nothing but my work of art, like a carpenter, I carved you as I wanted. Like a potter, I made you into my masterpiece. Have I gone too far? Do I no longer enjoy the feeling of blood running from my talented arm? Oh, this blood is like honey; the taste is vivid and so sweet. My dearest friend, you will forever be embedded in my memory of that wonderful night when we became one with your blood, your precious blood all over me. I feel like a celestial being. This heavenly feeling, I hope it won't fade. I hope it lasts forever. I will cherish our memories, but I will always make new friends so you don't feel lonely, my dear friend.it last forever I will cherish our memories but I will always make new friends so you don't feel lonely my dear friend.
Aug 9, 2024
Aug 9, 2024 at 5:34 PM UTC
They say roses are red and violet are blue
I say that nothing is really true
There different kinds of roses different colors
Even white so tell me if I should sit and sip on some red wine when I feel love when I feel happy or jolly maybe even rid on a pony thinking about this is funny because I know there are different kind of violet even purple and blue so tell what should I do when I feel blue should I sit at the edge of a wall hoping to be push looking all flush or should I be still and be silence is this a poem oh I forgot when I'm blue I can only think of the red as the pages bleed with my words my heart racing thinking of what I'm facing I guess there two side to ever coin just like your heart I don't know if you bleed at my displeasure or if you wish to see me cover in these pages I guess your word really are like a two edged sword i wish instead of word you'll actually use a sword thinking back I'm wondering if I ever belong in your heart was there ever space for me did I really think it was vacant I guess it's occupied with hatred for me or maybe you have prepared a vacant tomb ready to be occupied
Aug 9, 2024
Aug 9, 2024 at 4:45 PM UTC
you held in your arms and whispered I love you
I guess it's all a dream
Because I only think of you
I know my love for you is so pure
But I know for sure it's not secure
If I hold onto you I'll only hurt more
You never feel the same so why bother waste in pain
I know there's no gain loving you I bet you enjoy this game
Aug 9, 2024
Aug 9, 2024 at 4:41 PM UTC