Forgiveness has never been an issue
"I forgive you" is easy for me to say
But my mind
My overthinking mind
Just won't let me forget.
Today i woke up okay and happy to be healing
Tomorrow I realize, I wasn't healing yesterday
It's just that my mind had a lot to think about, so it gave me a break.
I'm past crying in the shower stage
I'm past the bleeding heart stage
And I'm so unsure of my life and if I'll ever be the same again
If I'll ever be sane again
Because each day I realize,
I never really healed, my wounds just stopped bleeding
I never forget, my tired mind just gives me breaks
I realize that I'll learn to trust again, just not today
And my memories will haunt me (the good and the bad ) and it will feel like sandpaper on my wounds each day
But that's okay because now I know pain is part of healing too
Because I bĺed until it stopped
I will ache until I heal
Might be sore once in a while, to remind me of what I have survived
But healing is a process and I refuse to rush through so I take baby steps till I get there
Jojo. poetry
Aug 14, 2022
Aug 14, 2022 at 10:27 AM UTC
you used your powerful voice to shame and insult me
but when you stopped
my quiet and shy voice shamed me in your place
kept repeating all the mean things said
and now i hate me
but it was easier when the words came from you
but now that they are coming from within me the pain is worse
because i believe my quiet shy voice than your powerful one
Because your words i could ignore sometimes
But my words hit straight home
Because your words i could shrug off most times
But mine are curved onto my very being
And i now doubt everything i do
I doubt who i am
Because of the words within
Nov 7, 2019
Nov 7, 2019 at 12:51 PM UTC
you used your powerful voice to shame and insult me but when you stopped my quiet and shy voice shamed me in your place kept repeating all the mean things said and now i hate me but it was easier when the words came from you but now that they are coming from within me the pain is worse because i believe my quiet shy voice than your powerful one
Because your words i could ignore sometimes
But my words hit straight home
Because your words i could shrug off most times
But mine are curved onto my very being
And i now doubt everything i do
I doubt who i am
Because of the words within
Jul 17, 2019
Jul 17, 2019 at 5:39 AM UTC
A sip,
I feel it go down my throat smoothly
And as it reaches my tummy
I feel warmth
A feeling I had forgotten
After taste on my tongue
Bittersweet like my life
And a sip turns into a gulp
Because why not?
I love how it makes me feel
Giddy, happy, joyful
And so I stand up glass in hand
In my granny underwear and my favorite sweater
And I sway my hips to the music in my head
I grind my *** on the crotch of my imaginary guy
The perfection he is, I like who I am when he’s near
Pure bliss I love what’s in my glass
And so I throw the glass away
Drink straight up from the bottle
I feel like a bad girl
Because mama said glasses were for ladies
And bottles for crazies
And I smile because it feels so **** good
And because I don’t know who I am
I keep drinking hoping to find my answers
At the bottom of my bottle
And when I find none,
I’ll open another one
Mama said never give up
And my mission is to find answers by the end of the night
Oh dear Wine I wish everyone was like you
Tonight you have heard me tell you how lost I am
Tonight you have let me dance with you in my arms
Tonight you have listened and not judged
Tonight I have taken and felt bliss as a reward
Is this how people feel when they take from me
Pure bliss and joy because I never ask back
And for a moment I sobered up
And I looked at your bottle in my arms
Poor wine! She has given away the good stuff
And now she’s empty inside
Left nothing for herself now she’s useless and not needed
And before I opened your sister sweet white
I realized in a sober world you and I are the same
Always giving until we were empty
But tonight I drink so for once I’ll take
Even if it's just from a bottle of sweet sweet wine.
Jojo.poetry
Jun 22, 2019
Jun 22, 2019 at 5:22 PM UTC
They told you heart break was the most painful
That losing your love tears your heart
Something you didn’t want to experience
So you put a wall around my heart
To prevent damage to it
You thought you were invincible
The strongest
With an army that doesn’t let anything in
Nor anything out
Your words your weapons
To slay any thing that will bring harm to your heart
So you dated and your heart was never in it
you were so busy protecting your heart your castle
you forgot your body your temple
With your beautiful long legs
your thighs thick to an extent
your *** what they call tangible
***** perky and fresh looking
They told you to look out for heart hunters
No one told you about the body hunters
you were busy protecting your heart
While most were never interested in it
And now you look at my body
Your broken temple
So battered so shattered
Guilt like no other rushes over you
And as you stood there naked before him
With tears that came from your heart
Your walls break apart
Your impenetrable wall finally let something out, emotions
Tears of anger tears of disappointment
You wished someone told you
Your body needed protection too
Because its out here in the open
your heart would never attract what you wont allow
But who or what your body attracts
For that you are powerless
the body that you had no problems with
before you met him
became the thing you hate the most
it felt damaged it felt defiled
You wish they told you to protect it above all
You wish they told you
The pain was not only physical
But also heart felt
To give your body to someone
Who will never appreciate it
And insult you for having such a temple
At first you try to hide it
You are ashamed to have it
And slowly you tear it down
Muscle by muscle
Your temple falls apart
You no longer care you no longer value it
And so you turn your back to the world
Because someone told you
You should be ashamed of having such a body
Since you failed in protecting your body
You neglect you heart next
And soon the pent up emotions all come out
And you are left a wreck so beautiful but yet so broken
Allow me to call you beautifully broken
But let me remind you
You are the one who protected your heart
Let that same strong will and love protect your body too
Rise up and build your temple anew
Make it prettier and brand new
Let them see it and realize they cant get near you
Because now you know your body needs protection too
And your scars and marks will show them
That you survived that but have no plans
Of going through it all again
Let your scars be your middle finger
To anyone who doesn’t see what you have
A temple.
Jojo.poetry
Mar 23, 2019
Mar 23, 2019 at 1:16 PM UTC
A look in the mirror
I feel so bare
Without my makeup
Without my filters
To hide my emotions
To show me I’m pretty too
“you are pretty”, my mouth says
But my heart refuses to repeat after it
I hate everything I see
But thank God I have something at least
My filters make me feel safe
They hide my true self from being seen
But when I have to put my phone down
And walk without them
That’s when I realized its all not real
And so i hide in silence
Too bad my filters can’t hide me here too
Mar 17, 2019
Mar 17, 2019 at 5:32 PM UTC
I believe in life after love
The feeling of joy in everything I see
The smile on my lips that only I could put
The feeling of the sun on my skin
The smell of a rainy day without mood swings
That strength of coming to life
Of feeling your heart heal again
And knowing that it will beat one day
But for now it only beats for you
The feeling of walking around town
With a genuine smile
And no sadness of seeing where we first met
The joy of seeing couples so in love and entranced
Knowing one day, someday that will be me again
Full of life, joy and love
All because I lived after it was all taken away
For with loving me, I will never accept less
In a way I’m glad you broke my heart before
Because of the great pain an even greater lesson I learnt
That love is never love if you don’t love you first
And now self love repairs my heart slowly and steadily each day
And it is a wonderful feeling I cant explain how wonderful,
And I believe in life after love
Because I lived before your love came
And I will also live without it
Because I have me, something you’ll never have again
- Jojo.poetry.
Mar 6, 2019
Mar 6, 2019 at 9:45 AM UTC
After a long day of life
I get home put away my bag
Strip my clothes off and smile one last time
Go to the shower for some privacy
Because my room doesn’t allow that
And before i open the shower
I close my eyes and shut down for a sec
And its quiet and peaceful and dark
And I’m tempted to stay there forever
Then i remember my mama depends on me and open my eyes
As i open the shower and water pours from above
My eyes shower the bathroom with water of its own
And for a minute i forget what i was in there for
For a minute i silently pour my heart out
In the shower as i slowly slip to the floor
And i sob for the love i might never explore
I cry out for the death that i have been wishing for
I cry for the words that i was told that day
I sob for the insults that come my way
I remember how as i child i did everything to chase death away
And now i can’t help but call it to me
But not even death wants to deal with me in anyway
And in the shower I’m literally naked
Both on the outside and inside
In the shower i wash my dirt away
In the shower i let my vulnerability show
In the shower I’m never okay
Because i never knew how it feels to act my age
And as i scrub myself and rinse off
I put on the mask i have always known
Dry myself off while practicing my daily mantra
I’m “okay” i'm “fine” words I’ll say
As soon as i leave the shower and my ***** secrets behind
In the shower lies my confidant
In the shower is where I bare my naked soul
In the shower is where i get ideas of what to write next
In the shower is where i sometimes talk to God
In the shower is where my secrets lie
In the shower is where I’ll probably die
Feb 14, 2019
Feb 14, 2019 at 1:05 AM UTC
Sometimes life hits me hard
And people treat me harsh
Leaving marks and scars
Other days my health tears me apart
My heart betrays my mind
And my ears listen
To the meaning hidden in words
And i know i have done some wrong
But i also know i have tried to be good
But somehow karma always hit me
But forget when its time
To pay a visit to those who hurt me
And i wonder do you even exist karma??
If you do, do you hate me too?
Do you enjoy my pain
Like the rest of the people in my life
Or are you playing favourites
And you dont like me much
You have visited me even for telling a lie
But you let the devil in my life
Torment me day and night
They told me that you were a *****
They forgot to tell me that you were never my *****
Dear karma
Am sorry if you dont like me
But please play fair and pay my devil a visit
Dec 23, 2018
Dec 23, 2018 at 6:13 AM UTC
942 days 14 hours and 5 minutes
Since I lost you
Each day I remember you
And tell myself you will come back
And I'll spend time with you
And I will tell you how I love you
How I miss having you around
I wanted to write something for you
As soon as you left us
But I couldn’t bring myself to accept that
To accept that you were gone
To accept that you wont come back
Before I lost you
Death was a myth
And funerals were celebration of life in disguise
I didn’t know loss until you left
I didn’t know hurt until you were no more
I never understood regret and guilt
Until you couldn’t hear my apology
And so I cried
For all the times I refused to pick your calls
Because I was mad at you
For all the times I didn’t share my poems with you
For the times I hated you for abandoning me
And I cried for you leaving without a goodbye
I cried because death took you
And I never said how much I loved you
And even when everyone was saying goodbyes
And even singing praises about you
I knew if you were around you laughed
Because you never understood human hypocrisy
Because you knew those praises weren't real
Because you knew you were kind but never meek
So they gave you false praises and cried because they had to
And I realized even in death they misunderstood you
Cause even in death all you would want is them to be real with you
And all around me were people filled with guilt
Not sadness just guilt
Though the world might have forgotten about you
I didn’t for a second allow myself the thought
I wanted to remember you
As a reminder
Of what happens when we hold grudges
Of what happens when we don’t forgive
Of how we lose because of pride
Of how painful it is to lose and feel guilty
And so when I looked at your casket
There you were eyes closed
With that single dreadlock on your forehead
I begged you to wake up and forgive me
To smile at me, heck even hit me
But you were gone and it was too late
And I saw something I couldn’t forget
You in a wooden box lying in it
With that face of yours
That made me angry some days
And made me happy most days
And when they lowered you to the ground
When they made you one with soil
A piece of me followed you to the after life
A piece I will never recover
Others lost a friend, a son and boyfriend
I just lost a brother I had abandoned
A part of me I could never get back
And each day I pray for your forgiveness
And pray for peace of heart
Joyce Tshibasu
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018 at 4:39 AM UTC