First base. Are you trying to find my soul through my lips?
Or are you just swallowing the silence she left behind?
Second base. Are you tracing ribs looking for a heart, or proof you are wanted?
Third base. Are you trying to convince yourself you want this?
Convince yourself this isn't loneliness dressed as heat?
Home run. Did you win, or lose something else?
Something left in your childhood that was once so pure and innocent.
I feel his hands on me,
They sting like bees but taste like honey.
When did the fire in my chest turn to smoke I choke on.
Am I trying to wash you out of my skin with someone else’s hands?
I don’t want to close my eyes just to see your face.
But when you look at me do you find her?
And for one more night
I’ll let you.
I’ll tell you.
Touch me,
Touch me until I can’t make you stop.
am I trying to outrun
The consequences I know will come,
When I'm trying to soak up every part left of you.
I can't search for your soul through your body - but you seem to like that idea.
Even if that means I won't be able to hold it again.
I'm digging my own grave.
And you’re the bloodstain on the shovel.
I look at his face trying to wash out you
You’re trying too.
You look at me trying to find her
Trying to pretend I'm someone that would work -
To keep you.
Are you checking my heart?
Checking it still beats for you?
I can't find your soul through your body.
And you never wanted me to.
You just wanted to know
Id hand mine over without asking for it back.
You wanted to suffocate the idea of her through mine.
I’m trying to forget you, while you are searching for me to forget her.
With my name like it will wash away the sound of her voice.
Let me let you go
I’m not the person you want. To forget someone, you don’t want to.
And for now,
Until the next dawn
When she forgets you
And you come running back.
Goodbye forever.
Or for however long until you come back.
Because I know you will.
5d ago
May 29, 2026 at 8:38 PM UTC
A double-edged sword.
I point at you and the other end pointed at my chest.
How can I defend myself when I am my own weapon
Against the destruction you create.
when I push you away,
I risk hurting myself through the anger that doesn’t dissolve
but I still can’t put my sword down.
When you step closer,
my blade lowers without permission,
my protection leaving me exposed to your danger.
The walls I built when you left
For the place I can call home -
where it doesn't have your footprints etched in the surface
Tracing the path where you left.
When you are here
I look in the mirror and brace to see your face
The face of my haunting shadow but all I feel is comfort.
But when you are not
I look in the mirror and for I can’t see
Who the person is staring back at me.
I forgot who I was without you by my side.
My double-edged sword I used to keep you away is still pointed at me
As I know, if I don’t stop it now the consequences rely on me.
I walk closer to you
Knowing it will hurt
My double-edged sword can’t hurt you
As it only stabs me.
Stabbing me in the only place you missed, my heart.
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 7:17 PM UTC
I feel like I'm disappearing in my own skin
It's not who I am. Am I someone forgotten?
Forgotten to care for myself when I’m drowning in a pit of sorrow.
For the heavens to forbid
I am someone I am not -
My own personality is undid
I can’t tell myself apart,
I tear myself apart
As if I am pulling at my own skin to feel like me again.
Then I am not someone worth remembering.
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 2:31 AM UTC
You can’t get rid of her.
She’s stuck to you
Like beach with waves
Like shoes with laces
Like books with pages.
She’s stuck in your mind.
When you look at me
do you trace me back to her?
Should I dye my hair?
Let my new blinding blond wash out her
deep brown and sun-kissed highlights
Or change my style, go for a different look,
So, you could finally look at me?
Am I the moon?
Mesmerising to you,
could watch for hours,
but only at night only until the dusk hits dawn
and she's got all your attention again – you’re drawn.
It’s impossible to look straight at the sun, they say
but you would try to every time,
just to watch her beauty -
even if it blinds you
Is this deaths duty?
Killing me with every word you speak
Spilling into my mouth until I throw them back up again
and you blame me for the mess they caused.
I can only watch from miles away
Sitting in the darkness surrounded,
I could never be as bright as her.
if you never met her, in some divine.
Would i still have you if you were mine?
May 12
May 12, 2026 at 7:44 PM UTC
But when I’m in my room,
You’re in yours
And I’m watching the stars
I know you are watching too
But when I look for you in the canvas of a starry night
I don’t see your face.
For finally,
You aren’t here
I lost you in the millions of constellations
Oh god it hurts to not see your face again.
Where did you go?
My love for you is still on this earth,
lying with me below the stars.
You are somewhere in between the constellations,
Like the stars and us.
So far apart, yet forever intertwined Bound by an invisible thread.
Each heartbeat echoes across the vastness of space -
A silent promise that you are always with me,
Illuminating the darkest nights with memories we trace.
Your room is quiet, cleaned out, now a pit of old memories.
We can no longer add to.
Your face stained into old pictures
How come you are not here?
Here with me, counting these stars like the days I spent with you.
Now I leave a clean space for the days to come where I can’t run to you.
You smell like vanilla,
the sweetness of your presence
and a lingering bitterness of knowing you aren’t there.
Like how your mouth carries the ghost of sugar that’s already gone
Why does silence sound so loud now that your laughter is gone.
Carried by the wind of your absence into the milky way,
That’s too far away to reach
Dancing in the stars of the velvety canvas I can’t not think of you. Again.
So, I feel like a star collapsing
Now that I’m relapsing in the memory of you.
Can I ever let you go?
May 2
May 2, 2026 at 8:06 PM UTC
Begging for one more night back in your arms,
After then I can run
I can get away from your ticking time bomb of a gun
Stuck into my neck
Ready to blow me up at any moment
Having me run back to you, again.
“safe” you could call it -
Home if it was built on piles of your words
Living on every deception you’ve built from, this lie of a life I call mine.
But only then the warmth would smell like ash;
As it catches fire through the place entirely.
But only then you would blame it on me, explain how I let it burn.
Maybe burning was the only way to escape the coldness of your distance I could not outrun.
Maybe now the debris can erase every memory of you.
Every picture perfect, every signature scent, every piling piece, of you.
Only until the gun goes off, and once again
I’m begging for one more night back in your arms.
When will this end.
Apr 27
Apr 27, 2026 at 7:16 PM UTC
The tide was low, slow, and calm
Since when did the waves turn into a tsunami
Flooding my heart, piercing my lungs
I struggle to stay afloat.
The only thing I can hear is their laughter. Are they laughing at me?
Making me a muse to your pleasure.
Break me, bake me, make me into your doll
If I try to run the ropes around my neck,
Does this view have an effect on you?
Or just turn around and throw it out
Like your toys when you were two.
Their beauty baking in the sweet sun,
Out here I’m burning under the same daylight, burning from the thought of you.
But oh, the waves are crashing into my ears, it hurts
But its drowning out the voices of them
Slipping away from me -
slipping into the sea.
I can see you, surly you can hear my plea.
Why am I drowning, trying my best
But you can do your minimum and your still on land.
So lastly, I dream of you, how I can’t even compare,
To your perfectly tan skin, or the beach pure wind in your hair.
Apr 27
Apr 27, 2026 at 7:12 PM UTC
Your words taste like liquor
Something I know I can’t have
But the thrill excites me.
The aftertaste of alcohol burning
Down the back of my throat,
Feels like hearing your voice again.
The stone-cold bottle warms my mouth;
My tastebuds savouring every taste
And feel of the split-second comfort.
Washing out my insides
Washing away every part of you.
The last drop runs down my throat -
The last desire burning bright -
The light of you hollow and low.
Hearing your voice, feeling your mouth.
Knowing its wrong but I can never stop now.
It feels like sickness in the rain;
Everything good comes with a price.
Now all I can feel is nothing,
Nothing can suffice,
For how I felt for you is nothing now.
I know it’s wrong, I just can’t stop
God knows it.
Oh god knows; you are his creation.
I know there is no escape from you
So let this be my final destination
For the last time, I see truly you.
Now the liquor is taking care of our once almost.
Washing it away into the new version of never.
Apr 19
Apr 19, 2026 at 8:24 PM UTC
8 billion people,
8 billion faces,
8 billion hearts and souls.
And when I’m staring back at yours.
Your messy hair,
Your dazing eyes,
Your gentle dimple.
Never compares to the 8 billion people that seems nothingness when I’m staring back at you.
Starry eyes
Shining soul
Galaxies worth of how much love I feel for you,
So far away – dancing in the midnight
The lengths people go to have their own.
I have mine – my star doesn’t live among the night sky,
But rather stays in my arms, my dear star, ___.
For my love lives like a star – lasts forever for how I could not learn to not love you.
And if there was a cliff following in the shadow, falling into nothingness
I would chase you to the end just so you can turn around
For me to see your face, I watch a heaven living in a body.
My love – the last thing I choose to see. I choose you – as my end would mean nothing if I never saw you.
Apr 6
Apr 6, 2026 at 7:28 PM UTC
My mind and body – two different things
How my mind just wanted to prove something, like I was someone.
How my body knew what mistake I made,
But nothing could have told me what would’ve happened.
I was only a kid.
I was only trying to rid his hands from me through hands that I thought were safe – your hands.
But oh, how wrong I was
To think your hands were clean.
Mar 18
Mar 18, 2026 at 9:12 PM UTC