You don’t know what you have until it’s gone,
And I don’t know what planet I’m from,
But it’s a place where pain is forbid,
And I know this because I have hid
From broken hours where those I love are thrown
Away, from this fragile heart I have grown.
Will they remember when I am dead
Of this pain that runs through my head,
I question if they will mourn
This sorrowed existence I have torn,
And when that noose hangs around my throat,
Will those who taunt me still gloat?
And when that bullet flies through my brain,
They’ll realise what I meant when I said I was insane,
Will they whisper of forgotten youth,
Or view my death as the solemn truth,
That we all yearn for the silence of the grave,
At the end of the day, I just wish I’m forgave.
Apr 23, 2020
Apr 23, 2020 at 10:23 AM UTC
I heard your scream through the wall
She’d said,
You were shouting about a great fall,
Did you end up dead?
I heard your scream through the wall,
She’d said,
And then you started to ball,
Did you forget to take your meds?
I heard your scream through the wall,
She’d said,
You said they made you feel small,
Did those voices ever leave your head?
I heard your scream through the wall,
She’d said,
To the soundtrack of thunderous rainfall,
Did you think you were on your deathbed?
I heard your scream through the wall,
She’d said,
I ran in and saw it all,
Did you think I’d leave while you bled?
Jan 14, 2020
Jan 14, 2020 at 6:17 PM UTC
Did you hear their silent whispers?
Of broken cries and moans?
Dead behind the eyes as they walk,
Of all the sadness you have sown,
Leaving them to question the reason,
Your heart is full of villainous treason.
Did you look away as they bled?
From another youthful blade?
Forever questioning the reason why,
The hellish world that you have made,
As the streets turn a crimson red,
‘50,000 more nurses’ is what you said.
Did you taste their scared skin?
As they wept over fresh war wounds?
Children killing themselves for freedom,
Just wanting to write life saving tunes,
But you look at their skin choosing to hate,
Is that what you’re to be remembered for, mate?
Did you touch my screeching wail?
From the sorrow I have regained?
Searching for relief from this solemn pain,
As my selfish loneliness is now reframed,
Now lying on my deathbed I wonder,
How long until I’m called from down under.
Dec 23, 2019
Dec 23, 2019 at 7:35 PM UTC
May Day,
The ship is going under,
And I, the foolish captain,
Must go down with it,
Choosing to believe that,
The deep blue depths are a better source of oxygen
Of this strangled existence we walk together.
For many years my fully conscious corpse,
Trawled the depth thriving on only those,
Who had lost their way and could be led astray,
My skin, wrinkled to the touch,
Grey to the eyes,
Salty to the taste,
Eating itself from within.
I met a strange character,
That looked like an aged me,
His greasy, grey hair flowed in the depths,
His back slumped under the pressure,
He turned to me and said,
I could still share love and joy,
That I was not yet dead.
I now realise,
That I am alive,
And they will never tell me otherwise,
Im not to feel happiness’ warmth again,
But you will not feel the weight of my burden,
No one I love will have eyes
Welled up with these salted tears
Or thighs slashed with hatred’s cold blade.
Because I am alive,
And they will never tell me otherwise.
Nov 29, 2019
Nov 29, 2019 at 12:00 PM UTC
I want to change the world,
Because I don’t like what I see,
A place filled with pain,
This is not what it’s meant to be?
I want to change the world,
Because it hurts to be
In a place without
Stable transparency.
I want to change the world,
Because I’m not happy being me,
Challenged by other’s sorrow,
Houses priced at a substantial fee.
I want to change the world,
A world too unhappy to see,
That the screams they hear
Are the death of you and me.
I want to change the world,
Make a difference for a change,
But the top 1 percent
Will never let us rearrange,
Because they’d rather a profit over life,
And that’s why we must live with strife,
I want to change the world,
But in my bed I lay curled,
Because it’s easier to be dead,
Or maybe
I’m just losing my head.
Sep 1, 2019
Sep 1, 2019 at 9:27 PM UTC
Did you think it would be this way?
When the dust settled,
And I was stood there,
Bloodied, bruised and lost.
When you stood across from me,
Without seeing the projectiles
That found a home deep within
The fleshed out shell,
That was once human,
You tended to them,
Slowly tugging them out.
I did not flinch,
I did not hurt
As you carried out your delicate work.
I no longer bled for those lost,
I no longer bled for what I was,
I no longer bled,
As your careful, ignorant touch
Soothed,
Nursed,
The shell became body once more,
My wounds, though ever present, scared over,
Healed.
Did you think it would be this way?
When you saved a villain,
And created me.
Human again.
Aug 1, 2019
Aug 1, 2019 at 9:33 AM UTC
Stroking with delicate fingers
Over your temple and through
Your thick hair,
Brown as the wilted trees of winter days,
You cry to me.
“Who am I?”
Silenced by my inadequacy
To respond to your tears
And the disgust of your vulnerable
Weeping call,
Mountains of shame carried within.
“Do you love me?”
You wail softly to my rejecting ears,
But of course I do
But of course I don’t
Who could love you?
A fading light of which shone so bright.
“Help me get better?”
Naked
Vulnerable
You cry out for someone’s helping hand
But you only have me
And my snide plans to **** you.
“I’m going to **** myself?”
Good.
Go.
I’m sick of you.
Tired of fixing your mistakes
Only
For you to **** up again.
“Do you miss me?”
I did not hate you, lover,
I despised you
Every time I looked in the mirror
I saw
You,
Your whining face,
And moaning heart,
the figure of my torment,
The figure of your torment,
With thighs scraped and tortured,
I remembered what you were.
What I was.
And then you died,
And then I was born.
Better,
Stronger,
No longer defined by your mistakes,
A Phoenix from the ashes,
I could,
Breathe.
Goodbye, to the lover I left Behind
Feb 8, 2019
Feb 8, 2019 at 6:29 AM UTC
******* in a car,
Screaming Matty’s lyrics,
An angel placed before me,
With a voice not meant for the ears
Of mere mortals like myself,
The chocolate ocean of her glistening eyes,
Swallow me whole in a Marinas gaze,
But for once I can reach the floor,
Able to stay afloat and no longer
Battered by titanic waves of chaos,
The sweet glow she resonates
Illuminating every dark corner of
My mind,
Once an inescapable void,
Now filled with the fruitful warmth of love,
For the person who surely came from above.
Before me stands a towering figure
One that is doubtlessly divine,
Her shadow consumes me,
But it’s warmth is surely a sign,
That she is the one that all the hurt was for,
And how I just want her to be mine,
A single tear seeps from my eye,
Graced by your beauty,
Unable to make a sound
Out of my corrupt lungs,
Speechless until I force the words out,
“You really are the one, aren’t you?”
Dec 13, 2018
Dec 13, 2018 at 8:52 AM UTC
I’m falling in love again,
And I had told myself never again,
But I let myself slip again,
Her oak brown eyes make it impossible to refrain,
And I’m falling in love again.
I’m falling in love again,
But it’s early again,
And I’m scared again,
Of sadness that I may regain
If I choose the wrong girl again.
I’m falling in love again,
I’m smiling and happy again,
She makes me feel human again,
No longer tortured by starving pains,
I’m starting to eat again.
But I’m falling in love again,
Because I think she’s the one again,
And this time I think I’m right,
And I know she thinks I might
Be the one she’s been waiting for,
Early days still, but I’m starting to adore
The open mouthed smile she gives me
Every time she lays her eyes on me.
Alone at night, thoughts of her drive me insane.
Im falling in love again.
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 8:57 AM UTC
Within my arms and in the comfort of my bed,
She runs her hands through my hair,
Her cigarette scented fingers
Massage away the aches of a working day,
My cheeks tortured by hours of endless laughter,
And the eternal smile she puts on my face,
In this moment I’m ******
She’s got me and she knows it,
I once saw myself as a broken toy,
Left to rot at the bottom of a chest,
Forgotten by time and those who’ve left me behind,
But now feeling like someone’s first choice,
In my head I’m introduced to a new voice,
It whispers in a soft, mumbled sound,
“Please, stick around.”
Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 12:10 PM UTC