I won't lie.
After you left last night, I pressed play
On the TV
And carried on like nothing had happened
This morning I stepped over your ***** laundry
And ***** secrets
like it still
Wasn't happening.
Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 4:59 AM UTC
Your fingers in my hair
Your poetry in my head
Why can't I stop this?
It's imaginary and
delicate
Like my own phantom words
Which die on my lips
Every time I try to tell you
About us and who we could be.
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 4:53 PM UTC
Do you realise the power you have?
No. I don't suppose you do.
If you told me that I shouldn't exist, I would will myself back 16 years
And 9 months
And I would cease to be me.
But then I would have never met you
And I wouldn't have this feeling that we are linked
Like a puzzle I can't figure out
Are we the two pieces shoved together, wrongly, by an unassuming child?
Or are we perfectly designed to fit
I won't ever know now I guess
I don't exist, not any more.
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 4:06 PM UTC
Pirates he said
I love pirates
so I suggested to him that we be
accident-prone together
whispering meaningless words
in the dark for eternities
told me he doesn't have time for sweet nothings
Obviously, I replied
we could just share stolen conversations
teach me your science
and I'll paint our world red
all the fiery colors of Autumn coming
Show you mine and show me yours
a book- diary of hand written notes
bind us in temporary bliss
Children playing in an adults world
Young adults pretending to be kids
look at us-
caught in this insomnia
it won't last forever
We can sleep in the warmth of the rising sun
but for now we'll be immortal and rebel
against our drooping eyelids
as though it is so romantic -
to do nothing and give it all our meaning
Mar 16, 2014
Mar 16, 2014 at 12:40 PM UTC
I'm just here
Sitting
Being
Music playing louder than my thoughts
Am I aware of it all?
I'm aware that of what I should be doing
crying, yelling
but luckily noisy messy tears aren't for me tonight
I'm just gonna sit here and forget
Remember to forget what's happening outside my door
I don't want to tell you
Or to talk
Thinking it through won't help
I want to loose myself in art and poetry
I want to turn my imaginary tears into something beautiful
Beautiful and angry
I want to create and design and yet here I sit
Still.
Move and hurt and space
Hating me
Feel emotion surging through my chest
Is it the music or my beating heart?
I've reached a blissful nirvana when I don't even know anymore
Listening to Fall Out Boy, Sisters of Mercy
Singing along and writing
Not thinking
Lyrics go in, a jumble of words tumbling out of my pen
I'm not making sense
None of me is
But I'm quite
Happy
Happy to be lost
This is really bad poetry
I can't think of words when I can't even get Hippie Sabotage out of my head
(my playlist has move onto indie rock)
But I'm enjoying my bad poetry
Pretending it's art.
Ranting a lot about nothing silently
I could get to the point
Or I'll just ramble on about nothing forever
Neon girls and baggy jeans
Worn to the knees on hot days
Like icicles in our hearts
I'm so sad
I have no more nothing so here goes
They're fighting again
I'm so calm
And it's all falling down
I feared for my fathers life for the first time today
Properly. The thought crept into my head before I could stop it. Instinct. So I knew it was real.
I feared for his dead eyes and his angry hands and his fragile heart
I'm scared for my mom and her burden of past mistakes
I'm scared for her happiness
I'm not worried for me.
I don't think my heart is fragile,
and my past mistakes are just teenage dreams
after all, I come alive in change and dramatic situations.
I will deal, when it comes.
I just wish I knew when
And what, exactly
Perhaps eavesdropping wasn't the best plan
But I want to know about what will happen
She wanted to know if it was any of my business.
Well yes, Mom.
I'm fine. I want everything else to be fine, but it's broken.
I'm fine though.
Just fine
Lost in my own bad poetry.
Mar 15, 2014
Mar 15, 2014 at 12:07 PM UTC
My heart is beating hard and I can feel it against the skin of my chest
it seems to rise up into my throat and block off all air
I can't breathe and my face changes drastically into
a burning sensation
hands are shaking, feet are numb
my cheeks are clammy and warm
I want to die, or curl up and leave
this ugly place
I want to get out of my body and only take my thoughts with me
the good ones, obviously
I don't want to be connected to this body that betrays me
I'm coming down, and this is all it takes is
to miss
and this becomes my reality
Mar 15, 2014
Mar 15, 2014 at 8:33 AM UTC
Walking slowly through your house
***** cars in old plastic
Heavy with rain
She warned me about you
And your
Afflictions
Not your warmth and fierce protection
Over your little sister
And me
(I didn't mention us)
She pointed to the cracks in the walls imperfect'
may be violent and ******
Like your fists
That are actually beautiful hands unclenched
That hold me and our world together
I just walked on
Kicked up some dust and marched
Past her house of cards
And paper thin memories
Of another time
Another you
Mar 15, 2014
Mar 15, 2014 at 8:16 AM UTC
She will never be enough
and it will keep her alive
in a warped sense of prolonging that we all call
life.
We all store experiences in our future,
hoping to meet them one day
we all have expectations for ourselves
and whatever we do, they will always be replaced
by the next thrill, the next goal
These pieces of life will keep us alive
and so even though we may hate them,
they are worth it.
Because they will keep our hearts beating
And occupy our minds
So that we don't waste away into blank lifeless spaces
We'll always be real and raw
Passionate, messy and hopeful
Of the future.
Mar 14, 2014
Mar 14, 2014 at 11:54 AM UTC
Together they will always yearn
for the rush of sea
for the salt on her tongue
freedom pulsing through his veins
always searching for an infinite blue
and dancing to the moons tide's
Jan 18, 2014
Jan 18, 2014 at 4:03 PM UTC
I've been missing out on something
for a really long time now
it's starting to (finally) to make sense
and I'm beginning to (finally) understand our fascination
with each other
Maybe my past has been preventing me from experiencing it
Or perhaps it's my current state of body and mind
the two are so closely linked that I can't properly pry them apart.
Maybe that's why I love children
so nonthreatening and uncaring
so small and close, without a care of convention
Maybe that's why I don't know a whole lot of vital information
about myself- that apparently I SHOULD know
that apparently everybody else on this ******* planet knows
But last night I saw it
in that old hole in the wall
I saw the way she looked at him and how he looked back
I saw how couples were holding hands, getting closer
I saw friends all dancing together
and I realized that I am really bad at all this connection
I can connect to you with words, not touches
I realized that when he put his arm around my waist
and I froze and pulled away
I just couldn't, even though it might have been nice
Maybe it will be someday- maybe I will be able to let go
but for now I am aware, and that's enough
Dec 6, 2013
Dec 6, 2013 at 4:52 PM UTC