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Itisnotjustin
21/M/UK (Or crazy town) I am very sure that I'm starting to lose my mind. / Insta: @itisnotjustin
Love is still perplexing to me. I feel it but I don't know what it really. It's just a natural emotion that I feel for someone. And comes by without warning. I care about someone and I tell them that I love them. And I do love them. Not the romantic love where I want to be their one and only. But the love where I want to see them become happier. See them heal from their damage and grow up to be a beautiful person. I just want to be there to see that. I want to help them get there. Maybe that's what love is. It's not as confusing as I thought.
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Sep 5, 2023
Sep 5, 2023 at 8:18 PM UTC
How to love?
We're still working on everything. Everyday is a new journey and whether I'm making progress really depends on how each journey goes. I think they've gone well so far. I don't know. I don't know about a lot of things. I'm learning but it's all taking its time to set in. So please forgive me. I'm trying my best. Trying to move forward. Trying to get better. Trying to feel happier. I'm still working on everything. I promise.
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Jul 14, 2022
Jul 14, 2022 at 6:33 PM UTC
the mysterious art of Moving On
I thought of you today and felt resentment. Rather than pretend like everything was okay, I let myself feel pain for being abandoned. Because I opened my mental cabinet and let you rummage around. I left it open after you left, believing that you might want to come back to it later. But you never came back. And you left everything a mess. The contents of the drawer started falling out, and I was left alone to pick it all up. Items shattered on the floor and I cut my hands trying to pick them up. I wish I didn't let you in
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Mar 17, 2022
Mar 17, 2022 at 4:35 PM UTC
Put it back where you found it
I held the pain in for too long again I meant to let some of it out But the tears started and wouldn't stop Until I emptied myself of everything I had.
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Mar 15, 2022
Mar 15, 2022 at 7:28 AM UTC
Burst into tears
I couldn't tell you when I fell in that spiral I can't even remember when I wasn't in it. All of it is just a reminder of pain Every person that walks by Every laugh I hear Every smile I see. It just reminds me that I'm spiralling. And now I just feel dizzy.
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Mar 4, 2022
Mar 4, 2022 at 5:34 PM UTC
It's all down from here
You never realize how happy you are until you can walk through a park, a smile on your face, not a single worry. You actually notice how nice the weather is. The sunlight on the grass. The child beating his son at badminton. All the people just enjoying the day. And you're one of them.
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Apr 18, 2021
Apr 18, 2021 at 11:59 AM UTC
The park
I feel as if I'm just going in circles Where I'm constantly switching from Happy to Sad Then from Sad to Happy And then it keeps going.
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Jan 29, 2021
Jan 29, 2021 at 10:35 PM UTC
Loop
I can't do it today. Probably not tomorrow either. I sit here, thinking of word to write Metaphors that I can use to finally write a good poem. But nothing comes to mind. So I'll try again tomorrow. Or the next day. Just to see if I'll come up with something better.
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Nov 25, 2020
Nov 25, 2020 at 1:04 PM UTC
I can't write poems
I honestly really mis high school. When I moved to the UK a few months ago, I really though I was going to start off my new life in university meeting new friends and having the time of my life. But so much happened that postponed that and now I'm at home in an area where I have no friends and nothing to do. Hopefully, that changes soon. On the topic of missing people, I look at social media a lot and see my friends having fun and that reminds me of something else I read online once. It was about something called FOMO, which I didn't understand back when I first saw the word a few years ago. Nowadays, I get what that means. When I see people my age having fun and doing things, it makes me feel upset. Kind of reminds me that I'm not living my life the way I really want to. But social media does that to you. It shows you the really happy parts of people's lives, the boring parts usually being left out. It really ***** but I have next year to look forward to so I won't worry about it too much right now.
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Nov 24, 2020
Nov 24, 2020 at 7:54 PM UTC
Journal entry 24/11/20
I have been trying to write more poems for a while. But for some reason, I can't really find the motivation. No that's not the right word, I can't find inspiration. When it came to writing poems a year ago, I did it because I was sad. I was sad and lonely and didn't have much places to go. So I took those emotions and wrote them down. Turned it into something others could read as well. And maybe it wasn't relatable, but it made me feel a little bit better. Fast forward to now and I don't know what happened. It's like the creativity I had had just left me. I'll write things down because they look good but they don't sound good. I don't really enjoy them. Maybe I've run out of life experiences. Maybe I just need that inspiration to get me going again. Because I like this. Poetry is fun for me and I don't want to just give it up now. So I'll wait. I'll wait and see what happens in life and when that happens, I'll come right back here to see if I can turn it into something great.
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Nov 14, 2020
Nov 14, 2020 at 10:20 PM UTC
Journal entry 15/11/20 (3:20 am)