Blood in the toilet
Bruised knees on the tiles
My whole body shaking
I gag and I retch
Spit again and again and again and again
But never fully do it
Tears of frustration bite my eyes
I push my fingers deeper
Graze the back of my throat with my nails
More blood in the toilet
More blood in the toilet,
But my dinner is still in my stomach
More blood in the toilet
More salt in my veins
More bruises on my knees
I gag and I retch but I cant do it,
It just doesnt happen
All it is is
Blood in the toilet
My hands clutching the seat
My eyes on the murky water
My brows furrowed together
My bottom lip trembling
May 4
May 4, 2026 at 2:27 PM UTC
Ashes fly around the sky,
The only colour above is grey
And Im swimming in a muddy lake
Green like a toad,
But muddy with time
I see glimpses of life in it
But death is a blink away
It all decays
Whispers of apologies swirl in the air
And pick up the ashes
Whose are they?
Maybe mine
Maybe yours
Or everything is grey
And no ashes swim above my head
But my imagination
Dulled by a knife
Can only see in grey
So grey specks in the air
Is all I can manage to conjure
A shadow of what I should be
Broken up
Shattered like glass
Walked on by hundreds
Barely more than dust
Apr 5
Apr 5, 2026 at 3:28 PM UTC
I want to drown
Lose my breath
Kiss my lips
I cling to desperation
On the train
At a party
In the loud
At the stop
Look at me
Its all I ask
Kiss me
Please [me]
Love me until Im satisfied
Then leave
Go in the closet
Keep a watchful eye
And come out when I need you
Be my toy
Boss me around
I dont care who you are
If you give me what I need
I want a crowd
To be loud
I want to drown
Loose my bounds
I want my eyes to speak
I want you to eat
Me, alive
Unbound
Spells will cling to you
Nightingales will sing for you
Jan 26
Jan 26, 2026 at 8:17 AM UTC
Elusive messages scribled on the dashboard
Elusive messages conveyed through pixels
How has that become our way
I thought we were above it
I thought we could talk
I thought i wouldnt be as scared or as hurt
Im both scared and in pain
My chest is heaving up and down
Purple in
Red out
Purple in
Red out
Like a pulse
Growing steadier each beat
Jan 15
Jan 15, 2026 at 10:05 AM UTC
Вече съм голяма
Защо не ме харесваш?
Вече съм голяма
Но ти още не ме слушаш
Сякаш не ме чуваш
Гласът ми е малък и таен
Думите ми чужди
Любовта не се разбира
Защо не ме разбираш
Вечна струя от мълва
Но остава тя нечута
Не ми пука
Не ми пука
Явно говоря в код
Който ти единствено не знаеш
Научи се, моля те
Подай ръка
Ще ти помогна
Стоиш само зад вратата
Плахо гледаш
Пристъпваш със краката
Даваш, даваш,
Но кога ме попита
Какво искам
Даваш, даваш
Без да знаеш
Какво от ръцете ти излиза
И дали смисъл има
Моля те, подай ръка
Не ща така да си останем
Със счупени огледала
В краката ни
Ще ти помогна
Само ако пожелаеш
Jan 2
Jan 2, 2026 at 9:12 PM UTC
Cigarette smoke slid down my throat
Its smoky spicy flavour drilling
Into the flat of my tongue,
[close to the pointy part
that sometimes cuts you with e ease]
Into my forehead,
[left bare for the wind to hit
like knuckels on my skin]
Into my heart
[with a pang]
Bang bang!
At the door
[alone]
Grey air was swirling out of my mouth
[the particlesnever touched]
Gone
[was the feeling of love]
The lights shone blue right then
[and they were circles]
[circles]
[soulless]
Do you love me?
[Yes.]
Do you love me?
[ yes]
Do you love me?
[ yes]
Dec 30, 2025
Dec 30, 2025 at 2:26 PM UTC
Am i that unnoticable in
The burning lights
Below the stage
The fire is getting to you,
boy
Even my sparkly makeup
Is dim when you look at me from above
It doesnt matter what i do
You still tell me
That you cant talk
Cant spare a minute
A bit of your mood
Not a jiffy of your time
And you were distracted from rehersal
What a weak excuse!!
Petty, really
You think I believe that
Am I that stupid in your eyes
Do you see nothing?!
Dont you see
Me
Or is the stage too high
The stupid guitar too important
It is shining in your eyes
Making you blind
Look!!
Look a whats in front of you!
Notice!
Notice me,
But without my begging, please
Im pulling my hairs out
One by one
My sanity is slipping away
Please come
And comfort me
Please dry the tears on my cheeks
Kiss them away
Let them fester in your gut
Youll feel them like a knife
You'll mistake me for the killer
But its your own actions
You own words
Which forced those tears out of me;
In your mouth
In your gut
Oh but I forgot! How could I?
You dont have guts
You cant force your mouth open
Can't look me in the eye
Can't be honest
Can't tell me what I've done
Are you jealous?
Is that it?
I dont buy it.
Everyone tells me it has to be that; thats the reason
I dont buy it.
Its your lack of guts
Your not being able to look me in the eye
And admit
Your mistakes
Admit they matter more than you say
Admit its not so simple
We've had issues from before we talked
We never shouldve been together
Do you even love me?
Its limerence.
Isnt it?
Ive known from the start
Never said it outloud
Well..
I did
Just now
But its too late
Its over.
I think.
I hope (not)
I love you
I hope thats enough
But when has it ever?
Dec 29, 2025
Dec 29, 2025 at 2:44 AM UTC
Hate is brewing
Like black tea left for too long
The sounds of drums in my ears
War drums
Hate
Rage
The mix is strange
Bitter, but not really
Its acidic
I throw up every day
Little by little i get rid of my insides
Till theres no place to feel guilt
Ill throw you in the gutter
Leave you to rot
You seem to want me
Leave me out of your gaze all the time
Im trash to you
Convenient but never enough
Never desired
Unless you need me
Ill leave you to rot
You cant live without me
Despite excluding me from your life
Despite acting like im not there
You wont live without me
Hate is brewing
My blood is boiling
Dec 27, 2025
Dec 27, 2025 at 1:53 PM UTC
Laughing or crying
Sometimes its hard to tell the difference
Tears spill from both
Does context really matter
Or can you tell from the shimmer in the eyes
Does it matter if youre alone or not
Can you let your feelings take over
Or do you have to keep them contained
From strangers
Can they taste the tears from afar
And know how they should react
Or is there an all-known limit
To the amount of emotions displayed
And no matter sweet or salty,
Tears are wrong
Why do we care if its schitzophrenia or memories
What difference does it make
To someone's feelings
Do we evaluate someone
Based on the reason
Or based on the fact
Dec 18, 2025
Dec 18, 2025 at 12:00 PM UTC
Happy or sad it doesnt matter as long as im not upsetting
**** i do doesnt matter if it upsets you
It doesnt matter whose fault it is
Its always me
Who breathes in dust
Who hold the soles of others' shoes
It doesnt matter how clean my hands are
If yours are *****
Surprise me
For once
Do a nice thing
Am i not pretty?
Did that fade
Am i your scapegoat now?
Your stepstone now
Use me, sure, reuse me
Spread me thin
Coat all your skin
Be nice be cool like your friends eat your food
Make it fun make it easy
Show im not just another fan from below the stage
Why dont you?
Dec 8, 2025
Dec 8, 2025 at 2:57 PM UTC