Idlehvnds - Hello Poetry

I am either the mother or the ***** — Never anything in-between each new relationship with men corrodes with the realization of what I am to them. The fabricated fantasy to own me. through desire or maternal care never the lover, friend or equal In order to see me as such — they would need to see me as I am, flesh and blood.

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Nov 16, 2025

Nov 16, 2025 at 12:19 PM UTC

Flesh and Blood

I am either the mother or the ***** — Never anything in-between each new relationship with men corrodes with the realization of what I am to them. The fabricated fantasy to own me. through desire or maternal care never the lover, friend or equal In order to see me as such — they would need to see me as I am, flesh and blood.

9

I’m recognizing a pattern — I noticed it before, but I hoped it was not true. This shadow that follows me, it devours any connection that I try to have. It evokes fear, causes others to fade away — I’m not worthy, is a spiralling thought that never leaves. I talk too much, feel too much, care too much. I need to shrink myself, detach myself to my own emotions. But it’s easier said than done, I don’t want to shrink. I’ve made myself digestible so many times, only to spit out with disgust. And the pattern repeats itself.

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Jul 13, 2025

Jul 13, 2025 at 5:56 PM UTC

What is that, Houndstooth?

I’m recognizing a pattern — I noticed it before, but I hoped it was not true. This shadow that follows me, it devours any connection that I try to have. It evokes fear, causes others to fade away — I’m not worthy, is a spiralling thought that never leaves. I talk too much, feel too much, care too much. I need to shrink myself, detach myself to my own emotions. But it’s easier said than done, I don’t want to shrink. I’ve made myself digestible so many times, only to spit out with disgust. And the pattern repeats itself.

10

I crave connection — so much so that I become ravenous. devouring any ounce of contact like a starved child. not caring if soft words or sweet caresses are poisoned with crooked intention. I crave connection — so much so that the craving turns to solitude Isolating myself while I digest these crumbs of antipathy.

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Jun 28, 2025

Jun 28, 2025 at 2:09 PM UTC

Everything is Disconnected, Please try again later

I crave connection — so much so that I become ravenous. devouring any ounce of contact like a starved child. not caring if soft words or sweet caresses are poisoned with crooked intention. I crave connection — so much so that the craving turns to solitude Isolating myself while I digest these crumbs of antipathy.

7

It burns the heart — When realization hits, you were playing a game that they never told you about. You stand at the centre of the board — mocked, shamed for not following the enigmatic rules.

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Jun 28, 2025

Jun 28, 2025 at 2:00 PM UTC

Burning of Sacred Heart

It burns the heart — When realization hits, you were playing a game that they never told you about. You stand at the centre of the board — mocked, shamed for not following the enigmatic rules.

4

I never knew what comfort really felt like until I met you.  Comfort, once foreign, now feels strangely asperous. If I had known I’d be invited to dance with my demons,  I’m not so sure I would have pursued you...  Fear creeps behind me with every confident step I take toward you. I find myself frantically searching for an escape— an easy way out.  Who are you to enter my life with such certainty,  only to sidestep my every reach? Perhaps this dance is not with my demons, but with yours.

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Jun 12, 2025

Jun 12, 2025 at 10:35 PM UTC

Danse Macabre

I never knew what comfort really felt like until I met you.  Comfort, once foreign, now feels strangely asperous. If I had known I’d be invited to dance with my demons,  I’m not so sure I would have pursued you...  Fear creeps behind me with every confident step I take toward you. I find myself frantically searching for an escape— an easy way out.  Who are you to enter my life with such certainty,  only to sidestep my every reach? Perhaps this dance is not with my demons, but with yours.

9

There are shadows that follow me, haunting and taunting me. There are shadows that follow me, ravenous, salivating, ready to consume me. They speak ever so sweetly, all the while threading each word with malignancy. There are shadows that follow me, I straighten my spine, while I feel them caress me. There are shadows that follow me, Paralyzed, while they devour me. There were shadows that followed me.

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Feb 27, 2025

Feb 27, 2025 at 5:58 AM UTC

What we do in the shadows.

There are shadows that follow me, haunting and taunting me. There are shadows that follow me, ravenous, salivating, ready to consume me. They speak ever so sweetly, all the while threading each word with malignancy. There are shadows that follow me, I straighten my spine, while I feel them caress me. There are shadows that follow me, Paralyzed, while they devour me. There were shadows that followed me.

10

The outbursts of angry women, the most beautiful thing to witness. We fight to be heard — Another cycle, that will never end.. It is only a wish to watch the fall of men.

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Feb 21, 2025

Feb 21, 2025 at 10:27 AM UTC

the fall of man

The outbursts of angry women, the most beautiful thing to witness. We fight to be heard — Another cycle, that will never end.. It is only a wish to watch the fall of men.

5

Dear self, Who am I, really? I’ve grown up to follow the teachings of other, Of being other — But never be myself.

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Feb 21, 2025

Feb 21, 2025 at 10:26 AM UTC

the stranger

Dear self, Who am I, really? I’ve grown up to follow the teachings of other, Of being other — But never be myself.

5

Now the real challenge, Creating a balance, A routine in which I can only grow from. Sow a seed into the ash, Watch the seedling flourish More resilient — The soul finally taking root in the earth.

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Feb 21, 2025

Feb 21, 2025 at 9:38 AM UTC

seedling

Now the real challenge, Creating a balance, A routine in which I can only grow from. Sow a seed into the ash, Watch the seedling flourish More resilient — The soul finally taking root in the earth.

7

Once again, I lay here, Misty eyed, exhausted — Listening to Etude by Joep Beving, submerged in a cool and shallow pool. Floating in a saddened relief of safety, Floating, It’s important to sit in ones emotions, I’ve been told it helps to connect with one’s self. Floating, I feel like every broken piece of me floats away, Separating myself further from being whole. Oh, how I wish to be a whole being — To no longer fumble on gripping every piece of me. Slicing flesh from the rigid part of me, Deliquescing into this cool and shallow pool The haunting melody of piano, fading into the distance.

0

Feb 21, 2025

Feb 21, 2025 at 9:35 AM UTC

i can hear the piano in the distance

Once again, I lay here, Misty eyed, exhausted — Listening to Etude by Joep Beving, submerged in a cool and shallow pool. Floating in a saddened relief of safety, Floating, It’s important to sit in ones emotions, I’ve been told it helps to connect with one’s self. Floating, I feel like every broken piece of me floats away, Separating myself further from being whole. Oh, how I wish to be a whole being — To no longer fumble on gripping every piece of me. Slicing flesh from the rigid part of me, Deliquescing into this cool and shallow pool The haunting melody of piano, fading into the distance.

16