It’s been twenty-six years of an interesting life
Quite up and down like the edge of a knife
One that’s taught me my lessons so far
One that’s produced lots of tears n’ scars
I’ve seen the devil and all he admits
The death in his eyes as he clutched his fist
I’ve felt the shivers go down my spine
And knew that someone was standing behind
I’ve seen my life flash before my eyes
The slow-motion replay stays in my mind
The haunted house that was my chest
That night two hours of sleep was my best
Said goodbye to some amazing people
Each time life felt quite deceitful
I’ll never forget my mentor n’ grandparents
Though no tears they’re all transparent
Gave my life away to caffeine cans
It’s taken time to know who I am
Among everything and the mess I’m in
I’ve taken onboard the life lesson
To bite my tongue before I speak
Fake love will come after I’ve peaked
The fact people show too much defiance
At a time you’re in need of reliance
I’m stronger now even though I’m confused
A heart full of gold that’s always abused
I feel that the colours of autumn are lying
How can things be pretty and be dying?
Now I’m walking the centre line at night
The fog in the air tints the street lights
In a world I feel like I’m sinning
The end of it all is just the beginning
Apr 30, 2020
Apr 30, 2020 at 11:44 AM UTC
The sun’s leaving a day in autumn
Colours fading as I saw him
A fantail singing in the old silk tree
Chirpin’ in my ear telling secrets to me
I looked as it showed its fan
From then on I knew I was ******
Felt the shockwave beginning to peel
As all the signs pointed downhill
As now I feel like a pit stop
Drenched and worn like a mop
How can you value a void
When you know it’s probably destroyed?
That deflated feeling like a tire
A date ready to expire
One, two count the excuses
That explains the trust issues
But knowing me I had to help
Unknown to the cards that were dealt
Clubs, hearts or the spades of an ace
Still no tears on my poker face
Decisions n’ opinions
With multiplied division
So abruptly it had to subtract
Math wasn’t my best subject
I’m the equivalent to a piece of card
Bored like the curves on my palm
Laying back while scratching my head
With hair strands hanging by a thread
I guess this is the norm now
No talk just the wish of how
Much I want to be a someone
Instead of being a no one
I cannot imagine anyone to feel
Attraction that’s actually for real
As I’m here questioning the situation
And re-evaluating my orientation
The times have changed
With nothing left to arrange
Spring forward and fall back
The fantail kept my sanity intact
Apr 30, 2020
Apr 30, 2020 at 11:43 AM UTC
Stuck in the invisible mud
If I fall it’ll leave a thud
Incapable to try to move
The grip’s starting to create a groove
I had my dreams go up in smoke
Better stay low in case I choke
Inside my chest there raged a fire
It burnt everything I had to desire
The only point I’m at is Patiti
I know the waves won’t catch me
Smoking a joint so my blood gets thicker
Maybe it’ll dry my eyelids quicker
I’m a man of little emotion
While looking over the Pacific Ocean
But I’ve got no fears
So I promise you no tears
They don’t shed from my eyes
They’re just hidden in disguise
They don’t run over my skin
They’re just buried deep within
Sweet dreams with a touch of hell
Should I hide it or should I tell?
I’ll just smile and say “I’m okay”
If only I said what I wanted to say
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 7:13 AM UTC
Today my mind went wild
It took me back to being a child
I saw how innocent I really was
Held back and restrained from my wars
I remember my soul being taken
As if it got abducted by an alien
To think how lost I was back then
Torn and shattered at the age of ten
My father said I could be anything
At the time I felt like nothing
I felt the world had something towards me
And wanted to just replace me
At almost 26 I’m beginning to realise
The lifetime of tears that someone cries
I’m yet to venture out in the open
Because every dream ended up stoppin’
I’m no preacher, I’m no saint
But I feel my body’s got a restraint
From being like a fish in the open sea
Or leaving contrails behind me
Only now knowing the amount of change
And everything I’ll need to arrange
My near future’s dependent on me
I guess it’s time to start getting ready
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 7:12 AM UTC
Sunset skies laying in a cornfield
Look in my eyes to see what’s concealed
I wonder how many days until
People take to notice my eyes are hazel
Red is the colour my heart beats
It’s the colour I see after my defeats
Red is the colour my scars bleed
And the emotions my heart feeds
Every time I lay in combat
While my mind’s gone crazy off the bat
I feel so empty I can’t remember
If most of my life was just a vapour
I had to go through a lot of pain
All the triumph and all the strain
To show my all and my everything
I wouldn’t change the world for anything
The same old ceiling and walls ‘round me
Surrounding my skin when I wanna be free
Like out there with the wild ones
Look at me now, the preaching’s no fun
Take my hand, I’m done being sane
Let’s fly free like an aeroplane
Seeing the world without being halted
Cut the rope, let’s be catapulted
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 7:11 AM UTC
Stuck in the invisible mud
If I fall it’ll leave a thud
Incapable to try to move
The grip’s starting to create a groove
I had my dreams go up in smoke
Better stay low in case I choke
Inside my chest there raged a fire
It burnt everything I had to desire
The only point I’m at is Patiti
I know the waves won’t catch me
Smoking a joint so my blood gets thicker
Maybe it’ll dry my eyelids quicker
I’m a man of little emotion
While looking over the Pacific Ocean
But I’ve got no fears
So I promise you no tears
They don’t shed from my eyes
They’re just hidden in disguise
They don’t run over my skin
They’re just buried deep within
Sweet dreams with a touch of hell
Should I hide it or should I tell?
I’ll just smile and say “I’m okay”
If only I said what I wanted to say
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 7:09 AM UTC
Just like a storm against a window
Depression hits just like the sorrow
With little effort I begin to remember
Yesterday was the end of December
The month full of joy and temper
Memories you just wanna dismember
The beginning of the end for some
Couldn’t wait for it to be done
Shake crackle pop for the new stakes
Fireworks floating down like snowflakes
Sparks burnin’ out like the year did
But flakes are worthless when they’ve melted
Just laying here confused as ever
‘Bout why my chest’s so under the weather
A few nuts n’ bolts for the influx
As if my heart was a rusty toolbox
Life’s full of many tools
Many of them treat us like fools
From the ruler that lines the jerks
To those that throw spanners in the works
I have an issue with noticing silence
Unsure whether I caused such defiance
Hotspots illuminating my radar
Expecting people to say “see you later”
Thank you for teaching me persistence
For teaching me to show my patience
Thank you for the life lessons
Through all that time I kept you guessing
I’m sorry for a reason unknown
Maybe for the muscle ‘round my bone
That raises the hand to let it linger
For you and the year to stare at this finger
Jan 1, 2020
Jan 1, 2020 at 2:37 AM UTC
Before you think nothing’s forbidden
I’m an iceberg, I’m mostly hidden
Like the one that sunk the Titanic
Deceiving me only creates a high panic
Tryna persuade me into sabotage
I’d rather hide away and camouflage
Now that it’s no secret to you
Hollow apologies are see-through
Some say my mind’s all twisted
Had a direction, guess I missed it
Be aware of the tornado
My vortexes control where they go
You see I’m no longer hurtin’
Your words are no longer burnin’
Glad I’m longer the burden
In that *** you continue to stir in
You know I have to say
If you’re gonna be in my way
Against my mind; the tsunami wave
Good luck if you’re so-called brave
Destroying you with my words
As if you’ve been split into thirds
Nothing violence would achieve
But I’d be careful who you deceive
Got you turning in your sleep
As you try not to weep
Silence is the best ever gold
For you it’s better to be stone cold
Shoot your blank shots at me
Don’t make me your enemy
You’ll get rebounds in return
All you’ll end up as is burnt
Keep your mouth shut
No gentle utters or anything but
Unless you want to face the horn
From the beast that’ll rip you torn
Aug 28, 2019
Aug 28, 2019 at 10:48 AM UTC
I’m awake, I woke to this
Been thinking ‘bout conversations I miss
Gone like the people I had ‘em with
Guess having people in life was a myth
I’m now losing sleep
But I don’t want to weep
Though how can I go to bed
With all this ******** inside my head?
I wish I could go back to when
The time happiness could’ve been
If only back then I had not rejected
The only woman I should’ve accepted
Can’t stop thinking for even a second
How they vanish like they never happened
My brain wants to stop, thoughts keep coming
Bending my mind like crafting origami
I want to have those moments back
Moments that I wish repeated
It’s like I blinked and my world went black
And everything became depleted
Now I’m back to waiting
Got me working on my patience
Something I’ll admit is irritating
Only to become another acquaintance
I miss them all, all the folk
That either lost contact or ran free
Every ignition that went up in smoke
I suppose there’s more fish in the sea
Oh gosh I’m reminiscing
**** I should be dismissing
The repetition that’s overflown
I guess I’m back on my own
Jun 28, 2019
Jun 28, 2019 at 3:08 AM UTC
It’s been four months
Since hell rose up from the ground
With all you’ve done
Is your *** jealous of your mouth?
From all the **** that comes out
How can you still sleep sound?
Look here my life’s halted
You can’t see that you caused it
Woken up today at half three
Knowing I’m gonna see hurt
Praying the mirror doesn’t see me
Cos I’m still dragging in your dirt
If life is about hate I don’t want it
If you understood sense then you got it
Talking about me like I don’t know
Behind my back’s where you’ll go
If you had facts straight in the first place
You wouldn’t have to see them on my face
Now I have to explain again
How I’ve been through all this pain
I can’t wait until it’s finished
When I’ve survived this supernova
The nightmares I’ll get to manage
And be able to move on from
Sick of hatred and accusations
If you knew the situations
I was in you’d understand
I did everything I could and can
Yet you chose your way out
My truth you chose to doubt
Even if I was the innocent
What you did left a lasting dent
Now I’ve got the lesson
To deal with the mess I’m in
I have a new life meant to be
You cowards won’t be the death of me
To everyone that has a problem
Think deserting me will ever solve them?
On the radar I’m undetected
If you choose to leave I’m unaffected
Look at me now I’m cutting corners
The past’s behind me I’m movin’ forward
Remember when I described a doormat
Now my volcano’s not even dormant
Put me out of my misery
Of all the **** you’re causing me
When I’ve done nothing to you
It’s the least you could ever do
May 30, 2019
May 30, 2019 at 10:55 AM UTC