Tell me what to feel
Tell me what's real
Tell me it's all going to be alright
Show me your face
Put me in my place
Erase all that things that make me fight
Make a clean slate
Forget all the hate
You're all that makes me real
Promise me everything
Pick up when I ring
Show me I forgot to feel
Look at my scars
Go back to the bars
Ask me "Is there something wrong?"
You're tired and mad
Tell me I'm bad
And now you want me gone
Nov 23, 2020
Nov 23, 2020 at 8:40 PM UTC
Wonderful and in control
That's how I feel
I'm calm and collected
I feel real!
Oh I'm making a mess
But it's all ok
It's me and my friend making drawings today
Is it all a show?
Is this healthy? Is this productive?
Or is it all just for fun?
Uh oh I've drawn outside the lines
OH NO OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
Aug 5, 2020
Aug 5, 2020 at 2:08 AM UTC
Even though I can walk and talk and go wherever I please
I am locked in this cage without the keys
You may not see it at first, look closer and you'll see
I am yearning and shouting to be set free
I've struggled I've tried but the outcome is the same
I'm stuck I'm trapped with four people who claim
That it's my fault and that I'm the one to blame
And when I try to escape they bash me with shame
I'll cry under my smile and laugh through my pain
They'll cheer and shout and refuse to change
Feb 27, 2020
Feb 27, 2020 at 1:40 PM UTC
"I'll never leave you"
You stated again and again
only a viscous rue
I was hurt by more men
Damage was all that was given
Scars and cuts to remain
A selfish force you were driven
Open cuts upon my brain
The only question was "why?"
To which the silence gave
Sinking in tears I cry
Drowning, how can I be brave?
Nov 20, 2019
Nov 20, 2019 at 11:53 AM UTC
I'll figure you out
What you think, what you feel
I know what you're about
I will help you heal
Give me the blade
I'll clasp it in my hand
An indivisible aid
I will withstand
You will get better
And I will get worse
You will glitter
I'll call the nurse
I fixed you
I broke myself
You passed through
I stayed on the shelf
Oct 10, 2019
Oct 10, 2019 at 2:16 PM UTC
It amazed me just how quick
And it hurt me how much it kicked
I held a strong and sound thread
To a numbness that plagues my head
Metaphore or idioms can not compare
To the lack of feelings, even of despair
Monotonous tone hinders my voice
I'll hug my knees "I have no choice"
A laugh became a gasp of air
A conversation became a simple stare
Accidents I've made have turned to mistakes
A great fear to whisper and a fear to ache
My eyes that once would glow bright
Have been disguised among the night
A great fear I expressed long ago
Now is the truth I'd never show
Aug 20, 2019
Aug 20, 2019 at 4:42 PM UTC
It was like I was dreaming
I only remember bits and parts of it really
The floor was cold, I don't remember it being as cold as it was before
It was calm too, I also don't remember it being so quiet before
I might as well have been the only person on Earth for that matter
I took a few minutes to look around first
Didn't see anything too special similar to what I would've read in the books
I checked my messages and there were none not like what I read in the books
I looked down into my hands and saw my brush
I had just got done cleaning it and admired the practically untouched condition of it
Was there really a point of cleaning it? As if I was going to use a different color.
Then-it began
Unfortunately-it began
Like a skill or practice-it began
I started making small delicate strokes in the color I loved and hated so much
The color that has shown me my reflection many times
The color that I keep taking out of the paint drawer
RED
I was patient
I was calm
I was in control
Something changed after a while though
The paint that I thought would be thick sticky acrylic turned into something else
All of a sudden it came to me-It was now watercolors
Disgusted by the light red and semi-transparent color it had become
I grabbed more paint and I grabbed more and more and more!
Then I felt like I woke up
My canvas filled with the color
No sound
No heat
No light
Was it a new color?
Had I found a new color for once?
I got ahead of myself and felt excited
But I looked at my canvas and all I could see was
RED
May 8, 2019
May 8, 2019 at 9:48 PM UTC
Every morning I wake up and I see myself in the bathroom mirror
But recently I've noticed the person who stares back at me doesn't look like me anymore
Sure they will mimic my motions and comb their hair the same way
And sure they may sound like me with the same inflections in their voice
But somehow I can't seem to believe it is me anymore
They can show their crude and red drawings to me and I will not believe that I made them
They will show me their eye that has faded to black like the dreams we both wept to last night
They can show the tears on the napkins we both used the night before
At this point, I just refuse to look at it
But I will never believe those drawings on the torn pages they show me every day were ever made by me
I will never believe they could ever be me
They can't be...
Feb 26, 2019
Feb 26, 2019 at 10:01 PM UTC
I'm sorry to announce from myself onto others
Tonight my soul will weep once more
I'm sorry to the ones that tried to pull me out of the gutters
And to those who tried to show me through the different doors
But tonight my soul weeps once more
Fears that crush me like an ant underfoot
And a void that consumes me like no other
For these reasons my soul will keep once more
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 5:47 AM UTC
Shadows from a dark room with no windows or light will whisper to me and call for me
I can't help but to be drawn into a state of numbness and weakness as they chant and almost screaming my name
I want to resist and pull away yet I'll still make my steps twords the room as I'm drawn by envy
I know when if I make a few more steps the people behind will say I've brought shame
But as the darkness consumes me and my voice gets quite the shadows will always chant my name.
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 9:24 PM UTC