How_far_does_the_dark_go

what would u say if i told u the truth and said no would u tell me ur thinking of me praying for me that it does get easier that i’m not alone that ur always there if i need someone to talk to don’t get me wrong i’m so grateful for every single amazing person in my life but i already know you care about me and i love that u love me but i’m not okay, and to burden you with something i don’t understand myself is something i can’t do

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Jan 27, 2021

Jan 27, 2021 at 1:41 AM UTC

"are u ok?"

what would u say if i told u the truth and said no would u tell me ur thinking of me praying for me that it does get easier that i’m not alone that ur always there if i need someone to talk to don’t get me wrong i’m so grateful for every single amazing person in my life but i already know you care about me and i love that u love me but i’m not okay, and to burden you with something i don’t understand myself is something i can’t do

11

Mum says “light a candle, burn some incense” but mum my inner sense is the only thing stopping me from burning myself to the ground because I can’t stand the light anymore. Nan says “your'e too bright to be depressed” but the bright sparks that flicker of a memory that is dark, and the flame only reminds me that everybody I love is someday gonna die. But mum..... nan...... i’m not afraid of the dark, that’s the problem. It’s hard to have fun when i don't feel like having fun. Don’t get me wrong it’s not that i don’t want to go to the party, I WANT to go to the party, but i’m stuck in an abusive relationship with depression and anxiety and they talk me out of going. Cancel plans last minute, making up a physical illness, because "sorry I'm too depressed to see u" sounds utterly ridiculous.

0

Jan 26, 2021

Jan 26, 2021 at 6:44 PM UTC

The dark side

Mum says “light a candle, burn some incense” but mum my inner sense is the only thing stopping me from burning myself to the ground because I can’t stand the light anymore. Nan says “your'e too bright to be depressed” but the bright sparks that flicker of a memory that is dark, and the flame only reminds me that everybody I love is someday gonna die. But mum..... nan...... i’m not afraid of the dark, that’s the problem. It’s hard to have fun when i don't feel like having fun. Don’t get me wrong it’s not that i don’t want to go to the party, I WANT to go to the party, but i’m stuck in an abusive relationship with depression and anxiety and they talk me out of going. Cancel plans last minute, making up a physical illness, because "sorry I'm too depressed to see u" sounds utterly ridiculous.

11

A letter to my depression- Not now depression, please, just let me have this day Why do you show up so early, uninvited Haven’t you ever heard of being fashionably late? Okay fine you win, I'll stay home again are you proud? Anxiety will be here soon to make me feel guilty for letting everyone down three really is a crowd Not now depression, PLEASE not today I’m too tired to defend myself against the brutal words you say sleep let’s me escape from you you see in my dreams you don’t exist anxiety is like - “it’s ok i got this” wakes me up in a puddle of sweat trying to catch my breath, not now depression, please, I’ve nothing left Happy 14 year anniversary depression, I present to you my soul That’s all you ever wanted wasn’t it, my life to remain under your control Over a decade its been me, you, and anxiety and i'm sorry but it's just not working for me maybe its the polygamy, and my struggle to cope with more than one issue at a time - thanks for that, adhd. By far the worst is you, depression. You pick me apart bit by bit until I’m suicidal But won’t give me that final push, the courage to do it. Anxiety talks me out of it, only to remind me of guilt, whilst depression calls me weak and laughs. But you don't want me dead do you, what use would I be to you then? You just want to see me fail at that too and torment me with how useless I am, and remind me that I'm stuck with you.

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Jun 10, 2020

Jun 10, 2020 at 9:12 PM UTC

Not now, depression

A letter to my depression- Not now depression, please, just let me have this day Why do you show up so early, uninvited Haven’t you ever heard of being fashionably late? Okay fine you win, I'll stay home again are you proud? Anxiety will be here soon to make me feel guilty for letting everyone down three really is a crowd Not now depression, PLEASE not today I’m too tired to defend myself against the brutal words you say sleep let’s me escape from you you see in my dreams you don’t exist anxiety is like - “it’s ok i got this” wakes me up in a puddle of sweat trying to catch my breath, not now depression, please, I’ve nothing left Happy 14 year anniversary depression, I present to you my soul That’s all you ever wanted wasn’t it, my life to remain under your control Over a decade its been me, you, and anxiety and i'm sorry but it's just not working for me maybe its the polygamy, and my struggle to cope with more than one issue at a time - thanks for that, adhd. By far the worst is you, depression. You pick me apart bit by bit until I’m suicidal But won’t give me that final push, the courage to do it. Anxiety talks me out of it, only to remind me of guilt, whilst depression calls me weak and laughs. But you don't want me dead do you, what use would I be to you then? You just want to see me fail at that too and torment me with how useless I am, and remind me that I'm stuck with you.

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