The world as we know it is in a transition. Yet so many of us, in my opinion, still want to close their eyes to it. I mean, who wouldn't? People are sick and dying, the world is tense and fights are common phenomenon.
I, however, believe in people. I think we have tricked ourselves into thinking that its out of our hands, none of this can be prevented, its impossible. Many people want to believe this is so, but i am a firm believer in believing that the tragedies that we face is still within our choices. That even though tragedy that someone else has inflicted upon us happened, we still have a choice to live. We still have a choice to learn. We still have a choice.
People will probably call this an ignorant way of thinking. Its naive, its stupid, thats not how the world works. However, is it? Who are we to define a world as that? If a world was truly evil, would we have compassion? Would we have love? Would we even be fighting in the first place?
I believe in a future where people can work together. I truly do because if it isnt so, what are we doing all of this for? There are some cruel people out there, fake people who will stab your back, and liars. However, ive seen honest people, ive seen hardworkers despite their own demons, and ive seen good people.
If option 1 and option 2 stink, can we not create our own option 3? We can either keep creating our self fulfilling tragedy, be stuck in a loop of sorrow and regret, be stuck in a cycle of hatred and sorrow. We can get lost in in empty happiness, unfulfilling promises, a life of comfort and avoidance of our own problems.
Or we can create a place where our problems are acknowledged and worked on. Where we still try to learn new things and win/fail on the way. Where when we need a place to breathe, we can while times we need someone, they are there. Its a messy, a naive, a stupid place. Where success isnt even guaranteed but fulfilling when we get there. Where failure stings but doesnt hold us down. Where we love each other, we care for each other, we support each other. Where instead of thinking what can i gain, its more of what can i do now.
A naive future.
A fantasy.
But a future nonetheless.
Aug 13, 2020
Aug 13, 2020 at 12:32 AM UTC
My soul is clawing me up inside.
Yet i still strive.
My soul wears away with time.
Yet i still strive.
My mind screams at me like a warden to its prisoner.
Yet i still strive.
My surroundings cage me like prey within a venus fly trap.
Yet i still strive.
The fire in my heart roars and dies but never balances as it sears me alive.
Yet i still strive.
I can feel my shoulders crumble from the weight of expectations slowly crushing me.
Yet i still strive.
I can feel my vision of bright skies and bright futures fade.
Yet i still strive.
I can feel my throat close in on itself, forcing me to watch my relationships from afar.
Yet i still strive.
I can feel the eyes on me, watching me, waiting for me to fall.
Yet i still strive.
I can hear death tempting me with his sweet lullaby of everlasting peace.
Yet i still strive.
I can hear the echoes of my past calling my name, screaming my worth.
Yet i still strive.
I can taste the tears of all my sorrow, the salt bitter and sad.
Yet i still strive.
I can see the shadows of my former self, hating me.
Yet i still strive.
I can see her point her finger at me and ask, "why do you even try?"
I answered, "because i know that I'll get by."
For the people who care for me,
For the times that i have suffered,
For my happiness,
I'll strive.
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 4:46 AM UTC
I am filled with a hatred,
A constant stream of negative thoughts drown my head.
I am suffocating under the weight of my loathing,
A river of pain where im floating.
I feel as if I'm cursed,
The happiness and love from others feels rehearsed.
I am a doll of broken dreams,
Empty and falling apart at the seams.
I am hanging by a thread everyday,
Walking a thin rope to avoid all this pain.
I stare into the distance within a shelter of myself,
Never moving as i hide in my shell.
There are good days,
I hate that I'm numb on a very great day.
I'm either numb or in pain,
The happiness comes as frequent as a desert's rain.
Maybe im selfish,
Maybe im just helpless.
I get swallowed in fear when talking to people,
My thoughts dealing hits blow after blow.
I can't tell people that i love my feelings,
They'll just say it's nothing.
I'm suffocating inside myself,
The things I love doing doesn't help.
What's going on with me?
That question is only answered in theories.
If I go,
They'll know.
I can't take the pity,
I don't want their fury.
I hate it!
I hate all this ****
I hate it
Hate it
Hate
Hate
Hate
Hate...
I hate feeling like this,
I want a way out of this
I want to be free of this hell,
I want to love myself.
Jan 23, 2018
Jan 23, 2018 at 9:20 PM UTC
That small town girl truly is living in a lonely world.
That city boy knows what troubles the girl,
Doing nothing,
Seeing her sanity rotting.
He says dont stop believing,
Dont stop achieving.
The girl can no longer hear his words,
They repeat over and over,
Not changing a thing.
What she wouldn't give to change everything?
He keeps saying that useless line like his life depended on it,
She was so sick of it.
She can't breathe,
She can't sleep.
She feels like she's falling into a pit,
A useless and empty pit of meaningless ****
She can't hear those words anymore,
She has already passed that door.
She's gone now,
Leaving behind a dark cloud.
There is the city boy again,
Mourning his friend.
It's just a city boy in a lonely world.
A truly hopeless lonely world.
Jan 18, 2018
Jan 18, 2018 at 10:44 PM UTC
I can feel the fear inside me consume me,
Taking away all that i could be.
I can feel my heart pulse,
All good feelings come to a halt.
I can feel my breathing become unsteady,
My lungs feel so heavy.
Panic, fear, and fright,
All swarm and conquer day and night.
How i wish i didnt feel this way,
How i wish it would go away.
I clutch the blankets as i try to steady myself,
Trying to be my old self.
Im not strong enough,
Its never enough.
Im losing sight of my happiness,
I can feel my body wear away from stress.
Its wears you away,
How i hope i feel better one day.
Why cant it leave?
Why does this happen to me?
Fear of people and i cant seem to trust,
I feel it tarnishing me like rust.
Im fading,
Im failing.
So much emotions,
And i dont know any of them.
Why am i this way?
What are they?
Sep 7, 2016
Sep 7, 2016 at 12:38 AM UTC
**** feeling beautiful from one person. **** feeling beauty from the presence of a person. Ladies and gentlemen, go love yourself. Don't depend on a stupid other being to love you. Want to know why? Because that supposed person that makes you feel beautiful can ******* tear down your walls and creep into your heart. That ****** will call you beautiful, they will make you feel so good about yourself and then they will ******* take it away from you. One minute you're beautiful and the next, you feel so ******* ugly because they put you there. They had some much power over you and they used it to hurt you. Don't go for someone who makes you feel beautiful. Don't give them that ******* power over you. It only takes a stupid action and word to destroy all the progress that you made for your self esteem. Don't depend on someone to make you feel beautiful, you ******* are! You're beautiful and just amazing. Love yourself. Because there are people who ******* want to hurt you for being amazing.
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 9:43 PM UTC
Where are they now?
Where are my friends?
Everyday I contemplate what, why and how,
However they're not here in the end.
I miss them,
I wonder if they miss me.
Are they really my friends?
Do they think about me?
I worry about them,
Are they ok?
I wonder if I was a good friend.
What if they weren't ok?
I wonder if I did anything wrong,
Were they annoyed by me?
Did I annoy them all along?
Do they know how much they mean to me?
Don't they know how much I hurt?
Don't they know how much I needed their comfort?
Where were they when I needed them?
Weren't they supposed to be my friends?
Where are they now?
I don't know when, I don't know how.
I know only one thing,
I care about them despite everything.
To my friends,
Go ahead and leave.
I don't care in the end,
I only want you to be happy.
Even if I get hurt,
I don't need the comfort.
Even if it's painful,
I don't care about it all.
I love you guys more than anything,
I don't want you to be unhappy.
Even if leave me after everything,
I won't stand in the way of your happiness.
Feb 21, 2016
Feb 21, 2016 at 9:45 PM UTC
She is a woman,
Just another human.
She is a broken,
Her true feelings are never spoken.
She is struggling,
There's so many things that she's juggling.
She is different,
An odd one, almost transparent.
She is intelligent,
An excellent student.
She is scared,
The world is something she feared.
She is a lover,
Caring, protective like a mother.
She is a dreamer,
Dreams full of clouds and streamers.
She is a wall of hope,
Opening up peoples minds to different scopes.
She is a constructor,
Building people up after they got torn down by destroyers.
She is a mystery,
Shrouded and hidden is her misery.
She is a messenger,
Preaching messages and a faith deliverer.
She is needed,
Her limits are always exceeded.
She is open minded,
No soul was ever so kind and kindred.
She is someone who no one sees,
Always forgotten when people leave.
She is a forgiver,
Always ready to forgive.
She is hard as stone,
Because in the end, she was always alone.
She is...
She is......
She is strong,
Even when the world treats her wrong.
She is....
She is......
Dec 15, 2015
Dec 15, 2015 at 3:36 AM UTC
Shadows of the past haunt me,
Consume me.
Your words killing me,
Oh so **** softly.
I lay upon the ***** floor and let you take my soul,
Within my heart, you created a dark hole.
I held onto myself and cried,
These years, I've watched myself die.
The pain that followed me everywhere,
I couldn't find you anywhere.
You had abandoned me,
You had left when I needed you mostly.
I cried as I held onto the remains of our memories,
It was always the same story.
I let you control me,
Hurt me and twist me.
I let you violate the purity of my soul and body,
I even abandoned everybody.
The torture and regrets of the past come back and **** me,
Oh how I wished to be free.
My once strong will now begins to falter and fade,
I am thrown back into my former cage.
I look to you screaming and crying on the inside,
You continued to lie through your eyes.
They were my undoing,
You were my undoing.
I have resorted myself to sneaking around,
I have resorted myself to being your concubine instead of your queen with her crown.
Though you never cheated on me with anyone physically,
You abandoned me emotionally.
The death of my character was set in stone,
My sins are something I wish to atone.
We had problems,
Yet we never solved them.
The utter betrayal I felt when I see you fixing another girls troubles,
The utter hurt when you defended her doubled.
You had chosen her over me,
Put her before your future family.
You had asked me to be your wife,
You said it was with me you wanted to spend your entire life.
Then you chose her over me,
It broke me.
Consumed me.
Destroyed me.
You chose her problems to fix, chose her over us,
Destroyed us.
You cared about her more,
What was I? Your stupid little *****
Yet I forgave and kept being strong,
Afterwards everything went wrong.
I broke down and cried,
I saw the remains of my past self die.
As our friends look upon me with worry,
I couldn't help but feel fury.
I was gone,
My hope, my will, and who I was were gone.
The shadows of my past destroyed me,
I had nothing.
Now all there is is emptiness,
Hopelessness.
Nothingness......
I have become nothing.
Nov 27, 2015
Nov 27, 2015 at 10:55 PM UTC
Do you ever get lost in your depression
Lost in your obsession?
Do you ever just want to stop being strong
Even when you're the one who's wrong?
Do you ever just want to cry
And just die?
Do you ever just want to escape from reality
Even when all you've ever wanted was to be happy?
Do you ever just want to leave
Let everyone be?
Do you ever just wonder if you are not making a mistake
Still feeling like ***** up anyways?
Do you ever just wished you were as beautiful as the people you admire
Never left undesired?
Do you ever just wish you could be better
But you can't and it doesn't even matter?
Do you ever just wish you weren't yourself
Not unhappy, not undesirable, not in need of any help?
Don't you ever just wish to be free?
Nov 23, 2015
Nov 23, 2015 at 12:01 AM UTC