For months a stood at the edge of a cliff
Starring into your dreamy eyes feeling
Fulfilled. Happy. Complete.
I had found what appeared to be my soulmate. My everything.
During the storms, I stood by you, helped you through because i kept believing in my own Cinderella story.
One thing though...
I never saw it coming, hearing you say you're in love with someone else.
I refused to believe you because you kept holding on.
But my tear soaked pillow cases, utter a different sordid fairytale.
I never expected you to push me off, to watch me fall into a seemingly bottomless pit of heartbreak. Of sadness and disappointment.
In losing you I lost myself. My confidence. My will to carry on. My dreams which had somehow intertwined themselves with the idea of me and you.
With passing moment,
I only hope that in this beautiful ruin I have become,
I will rise again like the sun does; after the long dark cold days of winter.
I can only hope to shed myself of all these scars like the trees do at the dawn of autumn.
I can only hope for a constant experience of growth, of renewal of the rebirth of something extraordinarily beautiful.
I can only hope that like Spring, i can be free, I can blossom and stand once again against and among the elements and soar.
But most importantly, that like Summer, I can shine:
And once again believe in love
May 25, 2017
May 25, 2017 at 4:59 PM UTC
My heart can not lie and say your are the one.
But I can not seem to remember how I got to loving you.
So can we please start over ?
Can you romance me all over again so I can feel the moment I fell in love with you ?
Can you write me poems again so I remember the feeling of losing my breath at the emotions they brought ?
Will you whisper those sweet words that held together the shattering glass I had become and through their utterance I could feel your heart ?
Can those long late night conversations and phone calls come to life again ? Cause I miss the smile I held while falling asleep and the sense of hope and love you brought to my world of loneliness.
Don't misintepret me when I say it all seems to be a distant memory.
What I feel is real but
A point came in my life where detachment became a way to cope.
Even in loving you I was not really there.
Perhaps I was running away from the constant pang of unworthiness that my heart beat had become ? The skeletons which kept me up at night ?
Or just the mere fear of finding something so real because I tends to "exude the illusions of perfect, yet I fail to commit. I seem to ruin anything good going for me".
But give me a chance.
Can we start over cause my heart says you're the one.
Mar 22, 2016
Mar 22, 2016 at 5:20 AM UTC
I wrote my feelings for you in neated verse,
Carefully rolled it into a blunt hoping I could get high off my feelings for you
hoping maybe the high I'd reach would reciprocate itself into you and I
but the words from that neated verse was like inhaling razors that gnawed at my passage way and once again I forgot what it is like to breathe- like when you would say
I love you
and those words would crash into me like a relentless wave and I would drown in pleasure-
Now I was crashing, turning black-blue and battered;
slitting myself with the pieces of me I found scattered behind your shadow.
I did not realise it but I was broken and now I am hoping someone can teach me how to puzzle.
Nov 1, 2014
Nov 1, 2014 at 10:58 AM UTC
As our mouths explored further your breathing became loud and husky; I could feel your hard excitement bulging against my body.
Despite my total state of Inebriation my inexperienced hands relieved your intense excitement as
Your hands roamed my body and found a home between my thighs.
I had never experienced such goodness: I had to ask you what my name is.
Apr 27, 2014
Apr 27, 2014 at 5:46 AM UTC
The first day we spoke
I wanted to call you mine.
When you said goodnight
I couldn't help but wonder;
What had I been doing all my life?
If somewhere in the future
There would be an us?
When you wanted to make
me a part of you
I thought I would lose you
Because you had to fight for it,
Because I was already a part of something,
Because I refused to choose
the unknown over what I already had.
Regardless that was you that I wanted
And it tore me inside-
Our happiness would be somebody's pain.
You came and changed everything;
Good and bad.
Soon though we became murders
constantly assassinating our emotions.
Your jealousy of who came before you
drove us apart
But you made sacrifices
Which left me powerless and entranced-
You had me. No matter what.
Despite the pain and the tears:
You had me. And always would.
Loving you is hard,
Fighting is a constant
and soon the inevitable became clear:
We would be over.
I got tired of fighting for you
and the draining routine of convincing you of the love I have for you.
So I did the un-imaginable...
I stopped believing in what we had.
I gave up loving you.
I hated the feeling of insecurity we fed each other -like we were never enough and had to seek other ventures.
The lies you told cut deep because you were secretly saying I am not worth the truth
And in the end you told me
"You're worthless"
What we had was real to me
And though I hate what we went through
I still love you
And sadly:
I am still in love with you.
Apr 17, 2014
Apr 17, 2014 at 10:51 AM UTC
23:15 I had been crying for an hour or so
23:45 tried to define suicide
02:32 wishing for sleep.
It's like wishing for death made my subconscious a little scared of allowing me to slumber.
Apr 10, 2014
Apr 10, 2014 at 8:33 PM UTC
I don't suppose anyone can explain to her why, as she contemplates death she gets Bible bashed and banished to Hell?
Has anyone ever noticed the way she crosses her arms across her body like she's guarding herself ?
Next time stop and notice how she's desperate for a hug because she drowns in a lot of self loathe and sadness.
Look into her eyes and see how she beats herself up over things she cannot change,
Brands herself the father-less girl and seeks her absent father's love in men who leave her broken, sad and deflowered,
Wears a black veil of mourning over her heart and worships Sadness as a way of life.
She gets drawn to the aisle that hold razor blades at the supermarket to try carve the pain out her body...
Judgement must be racing in your mind
But praise Her
for she dared confront the monster called Self Criticism in its purest form:
Suicide
Should she let go? or hold on once again?
Apr 10, 2014
Apr 10, 2014 at 5:56 PM UTC
I still remember you
I lost you because non-commitment was all I could give.
Now I wake with my sheets soaked with the residue from my nightmares, suffocating me.
I long for those days when the sun was setting and hand in hand we'd sit, in silence.
You'd pull me closer to share your excitement with me; grab a fist full of my hair to allow you to enter into matrimony with my lips.
I long to have your presence next to me; to see the rise and fall of your chest reminding me that that is where my home is.
To have you wake me in the morning with your arms protectively caressing me, rhythmically and suggestively moving along my body...
To have you send shivers down my spine with your hot breath as I feel you smile into my neck
I remember your lips became the metaphor for our young hasty affair:
your lips often grazing every crevice on my body, arousing feelings in me I never thought existed and exciting this dormant precious place between my thighs.
My thighs, which are now the empty hallways you used to roam with so much passion and ferocity used to release waterfalls that cascaded down in a pleasurable release,
long for one more body trembling exhilarating encounter.
But most of all I long to be loved again.
Mar 28, 2014
Mar 28, 2014 at 3:34 PM UTC
a smile hesitates only because fear of being broken exists.
Mar 26, 2014
Mar 26, 2014 at 10:38 AM UTC