i love driving alone. its comfy in a silent car, cause you can just think and think and think about whatever you want to think about and you dont have to think about what theyre thinking about and you dont have to think about what theyll say next or what youll say next or what they think of you. your only job is to think about yourself. can you imagine not being able to take your thoughts off of the person next to you? thinking about someone else is exhausting. i know cause i did it once.
i was driving on some back road somewhere and saw this guy standing on the side of the road with his thumb out. i dont know what came over me but i just pulled over and let him in. he looked at me and i looked at him and… we just looked at eachother. for a minute i couldnt think about anything but his big beautiful eyes. but then i kept driving and- i couldnt stop thinking about them. it made me angry. angry bc he had taken my thoughts. they werent in my head anymore, they were over there. in the passenger seat that should have been empty, swimming around in his big, beautiful eyes.
id never thought so much about someone besides myself and it made me tired. so tired that i just wanted to sleep, but when i closed my eyes all i could think about were his eyes and it made me angry all over again, now because i couldnt sleep.
i drive alone now. still. because that way i never have to not think about myself ever again. my thoughts are mine, and i like it that way.
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 5:40 PM UTC
i might kiss someone
i dont know who, when
but i know its coming
and i know youll be watching
because youre too supportive to let a grudge keep you from expressing your love
and ill regret kissing someone
ill see your deep eyes out there in the crowd
trying to appreciate the art through the heartbreak
and ill regret it
Apr 21, 2019
Apr 21, 2019 at 7:14 PM UTC
my whole body is burned
outside
inside
ultraviolet rays
and sugar
Mar 18, 2019
Mar 18, 2019 at 2:16 PM UTC
ive been pounding my fists against this wall for days. or has it been years? no. days.
all my love has been ****** out of me. i dont know where its gone. maybe its evaporated, now floating with the stars.
did you know salt water stains leather? or maybe its just tears. not all salt water.
im distant. even thought youre just on the other side, sight, or lack of it, is one of those catalysts. close? youre closer than ever. far away? where are you.
why heaving? im sick of this **** dry? i havent eaten anything since the **** quesadilla.
um... yeah. ive started cussing. a regret.
Mar 14, 2019
Mar 14, 2019 at 10:44 AM UTC
another week is over
i look in the mirror
well ****
it says
thats a waste
Mar 2, 2019
Mar 2, 2019 at 4:07 PM UTC
its like i have a shadow
except you make me choke
my words are not your clearance
my sitting down is not your opportunity
get off me
go away
let me take this label off my chest
i am not your safe place
Feb 5, 2019
Feb 5, 2019 at 4:17 PM UTC
you feel so far away
what changed
we used to go for weeks, just texts
its strange
now i ache after an afternoon
knowing youre states away
not safe
for me to feel this way
ill work on being fine
instead of convincing myself that my state is fine
Dec 26, 2018
Dec 26, 2018 at 4:30 PM UTC
"hon-"
"dont call me hon"
"okay im sorry. i know this makes you uncomfortable but its true and you cant keep running from it. you arent doing yourself any favors"
"and youre not doing me a favor either by confronting me"
"i know it doesnt feel like it hon, but-"
"dont call me hon"
"im sorry i just love you and you need to-"
"dont tell me what i need"
"If i cant tell you that you need to stop lying to yourself then you cant tell me to stop calling you hon"
"i hate you"
"well i love you, hon"
Dec 3, 2018
Dec 3, 2018 at 11:17 PM UTC
if my brain was bigger
and i had more room up there
youd think id fill it with important stuff
facts and ideas to share
like maybe science, math, and tech
or art and lit instead
but no, for me, whats worth the most
is remembering every sweet thing youve said
Nov 24, 2018
Nov 24, 2018 at 11:46 PM UTC
i never would have guessed I would want to change everything
tear my lists, maps, and plans out of the notebook
and fill their place with letters
lyrics, little poems, and love
I would do it in an instant
But I don’t
Because I’m afraid of paper cuts
And the tears and blood that they bring
So for now I’ll just leave them
All my plans, safely in the book, their sharp edges far from my fingertips
And I’ll read your beautiful words over and over again
scribbled passionately in the margins between neat lines that predict my future
And I’ll recite them as I walk, drive, sleep
And I’ll wish you were there in those moments instead of just your words
And I’ll wish I wasn’t so afraid of paper cuts
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 10:46 PM UTC