then you write
I mean, honestly, do it
I cannot
believe
this is my ******* life
I cannot
understand
I can't even
well, I mean I can't stop hurting
like mine is so much important than yours
I don't know how to stop hurting
a good feeling, it is good
before it is demolished
in the midst of the recordings replaying in my head
reminding me
how just unimportant, how useless, how undeserving I am
I wish I could stop ******* crying
what is the point of two people coming together to be like
look what we did
for what
I don't have the point of this life down
maybe I will in the next
Feb 20
Feb 20, 2026 at 6:39 AM UTC
I guess if I had something more to say to you
I wouldn’t say I am sorry
I wouldn’t say I feel bad for you more than I feel for my own brother
And so because I am this mess
Not to say it is because of you
How could it be
A young love, a crazy man, an ego which made him proclaim he was God
And so I say, hey maybe I am not all there anymore
And I don’t have the best idea of what I am trying to get out of the process of emitting and procuring, are two different paces
I hope I wrote that right,
Or at least cipher-able
This is why I hate typing
The computer never seems to know grammatically
That I am legible
Hardly I know if people even care what comes out of I am so tired
The open book era has become a whole wham in the face
Other than that I am undeniably me
Man I miss the banter I could have with people who could stimulate a conversation
It is fun to feel intelligent
It isn’t fun to live, I’ve realized
Not after all of that
Not after all of that
And mind I type it again
Definitely not after all of that
Right now it feels like that’s the only thing that makes me feel anymore
God I’m choking up
The meds have made me so shut off
I would say its the meds but
You can put it anyway for a person, a doctor, a parent, a stranger
None would be able to look at you and say they can fix it
I wonder if they all feel it too or is it just me
It sure seems like everyone else would like to so quickly point the finger
A far fetched idea but what if
When we’re going through it, other people find the flaw,
Not realizing that in a moment or so, they will also be the same thing
The same problem
The same deadbeat painless looking suffering
I hate when I get emotional when I write
And I’m lying, but I guess you’re the only thing I have
Talking to people
And it feels like nothing gets me until I release it through words written,
Or left.
Feb 20
Feb 20, 2026 at 6:28 AM UTC
I saw a ton of stars when I closed my eyes last night
I saw a light so very bright go out
And when I see you time stops
It's as if nothing really matters
Except the anticipation of when you leave
And not that I'm excited
How could I be when you're temporary company
And I don't mean it's my choice
You're all around me, in my head
I think, maybe you'll recognize it
All this you and me and beauty made me sick
It's because the wind is blowing
The sky is snowing and it's white
One giant universe and yet the stars
I see when I close my eyes
Remind me of you.
Dec 19, 2025
Dec 19, 2025 at 12:15 AM UTC
And though
She is lost
And cannot
Find the place
She once knew
To be her home
She has found it here
In the sweet serene
Lyrics and melody
Which fills the room
Briefly but just enough
And the truth that lies
Beneath the anxiety
Will ****
Even the beholder
And even though you don’t
Feel like yourself
You are not scary
You are more you than most can be
And for all eternity
You will be free
And though you feel
Scared of yourself
You are too excited
To notice
You are in the moment
May 24, 2021
May 24, 2021 at 5:22 PM UTC
I spent my time letting my hands die in the arms of my own body
I broke the chains of slavery yet broke myself in the process
I drank my spit with a dry swallow and discontent for what that meant
My legs tensed and I, like most of the time, felt disgust with myself
And though this was new and strange
I’d known it for some time now and it wasn’t getting easier
My eyes welled up but not enough to form a tear
At least not at this point
And my teeth grinding at the thought of what was happening to my body
But again I said this had happened all too often
And lastly I thought of my day
And the whirlwind I was in that brought me to my own demise
And I wondered why this has happened so often
And each time a bit worse than the last or at the very least a horrifying reality
My fingers felt different than my own and my depression from what they said
Would be to blame but I thought of this much differently
And not in the sense that i did not feel depressed
Just in the sense that the only thing I knew how to feel was death
Death of a self or a hand or even a time in place that I could not accept
I thought that everyday must be like this
And this is why I felt alone or rejected
At wits end or neglected
Why I felt like no one understood or like I was the only one standing in a room
And even with no words leaking from my mouth
My cintrivical force still beared witness to the pain that existed around me
And though my confusion consumed me
My eye began to shed a tear
And my left knee buckled up
And even though my right pointer finger was not to be found
And ultimately made my teeth grind again at the thought
I still was able to exist
Even in this poem
Even in this world
I was here
And the tear fell down my cheek
And thinking of you made it fall harder
The hardest thing I’ve ever experienced Was in the eyes of someone I’d described my pain to
And their go to was to make me feel it again or some part of it to an extent
Their first instinct was to let me relive it through them
As if the pain initially was not enough to comprehend
And that’s where I come to end
This poem or this explanation
That everyone has something to prove
And if it cannot be done through them
They will choose your pain as a way to regain theirselves in vein
And to say this is a joke
Well my only hope
Is that you are not another to
Let my heart be revoked
Of its own truth
Apr 14, 2021
Apr 14, 2021 at 12:19 PM UTC
i am back
i am lips
i am ****
i am pain
your heartbreaker
i am astound
i am profound
i am unsound
i am bound
to your world
Your rhymes meant nothing to me because your pain was not seen
and im sorry
that you are alone
there
in the closet
sleep well
Nov 5, 2020
Nov 5, 2020 at 6:09 AM UTC
Time was like a construct that
i didn't want to be a part of
i stopped thinking that it held any real meaning
and i started to forget it
i thought memories were a waste of time
because in two years i will hate that self
and she will no longer be important to me
Nov 4, 2020
Nov 4, 2020 at 6:17 AM UTC
I used to think i could clear my mind in a park
or a forest
that a getaway would be the right way to write
but what is nature when you implement it into your picture
I lie there, **** floor, crashing my reality
I would say it was falling around me but
someone took that one already
I had a way with words and sharing them
I had a way with lovers but not with friends
men wanted my *** or my **** or my face
and i wanted to be someones saving grace
so tell me am i at fault for not knowing
what the hell was going on
or am i introuble with myself for lying
by acting like i would belong
i am the nobody here bud and
it is unfortunately because of what you do
but i wont be too harsh
except on myself, just for you
Oct 24, 2020
Oct 24, 2020 at 5:19 PM UTC
Once you looked hell in the face
You swear you’d go back
Because living eternity
In a world where little know
The satisfaction of misery
And contentment at once
Meant heaven to you
Oct 9, 2018
Oct 9, 2018 at 3:32 AM UTC
Morning hit her by storm
Waiting in her bedroom
For the stars
The day passing by
In and out of feeling
Familiarity and reflection
Were just horrendous
Sep 26, 2018
Sep 26, 2018 at 9:56 PM UTC