The feeling of life is flowing out of my soul.
I can feel it leave my fingertips.
My knees buckle under stress.
I express my pain in dreadful tears streaming down my swollen face.
I fall into position that has become unmovable.
Every inch of my bruised riddled body aches.
Air beginning to swiftly embrace my trembled breathing.
I surrender into its loving arms.
Swallowed whole from its loving touch.
The lifeless body I once knew,
Struggling through the cracked corridor,
Gains a heaviness to which I tremble,
Gazing around the gloominess before me,
When suddenly,
A light is bestowed onto me.
Granting the wishes I once had.
Heaviness lifted from my shoulders
Regaining my balance,
Moving through the sudden brightness.
Embracing the feelings I once knew,
Longing for the touch of something new,
Once I open my eyes,
I attempt concur the light.
Reminded of the ghastly past,
I embark a new adventure.
Regaining love, strength, empowerment.
Devoted to life like never before.
For I was once broken,
For now, I have awoken.
Jul 14, 2023
Jul 14, 2023 at 4:51 AM UTC
Distance is the key.
The key to happiness.
Distancing yourself from those around you protects you.
Distance allows the mind to rebuild
To replenish,
And gives the soul hope.
Without distance
We allow the brokenness,
the creativity,
The memories,
And major feelings,
To fade away never to be seen again.
Distance opens a broken mind,
a broken heart.
It prepares time for the soul to break down and heal.
Time with distance creates a new soul,
Person,
and even friendships.
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 12:17 AM UTC
To my unborn child,
I love you.
No one will hurt you.
I know this world is very rude and cruel,
Throughout my life i will protect you.
You are my life.
You will know me your whole living life,
You will be a major part in my life.
Everything i do now is setting up for you.
For us,
A family.
Not like the one i grew up to,
But the one i dreamt about.
Your father,
He will love you more than anything.
Or i will be your father and mother.
Protecting you from this messed up world.
You're perfect.
I hope you never cry to yourself at night wanting to end your life.
You belong here with me.
For nine months i will have carried and taken care of you.
The moment i found out about you,
I became ecstatic and couldn’t wait to see you.
You will be beautiful,
You are my everything.
Always will be.
I love you and i will always love you,
No matter the problems we face.
Sep 28, 2018
Sep 28, 2018 at 9:43 AM UTC
As i look at myself in window of this beaten down shack,
I find bags,
Brokenness,
A broken spirit lingering from what was left from the beginning.
I have seen myself many times in this window,
but never spent time to look at who i am
Or how life has affected me.
I grew weary trying to save the little girl i once was,
I wasn’t strong anymore.
I had given up years before i could count.
And i had lost myself in feelings that were unreal.
They destroyed me.
Made me who i am today.
And oh,
How i hate myself.
I let people walk all over me,
Fall for people who do not deserve me.
Yet i tell myself they are different.
That i am safe being in their presence.
Oh how i was wrong.
He tore me down and when i had thought to have something real,
It was just as fake as my smile has been since i learned to truth about this world.
A world of unforgiveness,
Sins,
A father who hates his little girl who adored him so.
A religion based on how we treat others.
I had forgotten how it felt.
Being dragged across that open room.
The blood flowing out of me.
I will never forget that day,
I saw who the man i adored and love,
Really was.
Inside.
And there was no escape from who i would become.
Aug 29, 2018
Aug 29, 2018 at 11:19 AM UTC
I don't understand this.
And my heart can't stand it.
You're making it so hard to.
Baby I just don't understand.
You're changing for the worst.
What do I do?
I can't save myself,
And I'm falling apart.
I'm damaged by you.
You were so sweet and divine,
but now you're conceded and confused.
I'm starting to break a w a y
I'm paralyzed by the truth.
My heart aches and I cannot breathe.
Those scars you made upon me have been reopened
And bleeding faster than ever.
All this liquor I consumed isn't making a dent in my disturbed mind.
What did I do?
Baby I just don't understand it
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 10:59 PM UTC
I’m happy.
Line one was a lie.
I speak with desperation in my voice.
If only i knew what happiness felt like.
If only happiness had tasted my depressed lips,
Maybe then i could breathe easier at night.
Instead i sit and stare into the empty abyss around me.
I cry out for the monsters that surround me,
But even their sounds don’t affect me anymore.
Although i'm only human,
I disguise myself in my thoughts.
I barely feel anymore,
All I feel is emptiness.
And that emptiness has become the only familiar feeling surrounding me.
I say to myself that I’m okay.
I say it will get better.
But only if that was the truth.
Then maybe I'd still be here.
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 11:40 PM UTC
She’s silent but loud,
Screaming for help.
Although no one hears her,
I do.
She’s alone but has me.
No friends but me.
Forever in her head.
Thoughts.
There isn’t a cloud in the sky but it’s raining.
She’s calling your name,
You don’t hear her.
She’s crying but not making a sound.
She’s sad, but excited.
Soon to be reunited with him.
Forever in her mind.
Him.
Weaping tears of sorrow,
Missing you is her only regret,
But yet she loved you so,
Enough to give her easily broken heart to you.
Forever in her mind.
You.
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 11:26 PM UTC
Days passed,
Her smile faded,
Her laugh disappeared,
Eyes darkened,
She felt alone,
Like no one cared,
Useless,
Worthless,
He knew otherwise.
He never gave up on saving her.
Told her jokes,
Held her,
Let her sleep on his shoulder when she couldn’t sleep the night before,
Just listened to her.
She loved him,
But was afraid of losing him.
He was all she had.
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 11:23 PM UTC
I needed you to catch me.
You took your life while drunk as hell.
I ******* miss you.
Are you ******* happy now!?
You took your own life.
****
You took my soul with you.
My heart aches at the thought of your name.
You were my best friend and I couldn't save you.
Where are you?
I saw the regret in your eyes,
And for a moment I hoped you understand.
You pulled the trigger!
You pulled your life strings,
It wasn't your time!
You promised to be there for me everyday of my life!
You were my everything and you just killed yourself?
I loved you.
You began to crumble in my hands and fade away.
Did you hear my cries for you?
Your blood scattered all about that abandoned barn.
I ran at the thought of you taking your life.
I wanted to wake up from this dream but
I was already awake.
And it was a reality I couldn't live with.
Reality crashed down onto me and I couldn't breathe.
Someday I will wake up and realize you are gone.
Gone for good.
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 10:36 PM UTC
She had been so busy locking away her feelings,
She couldn’t see her mother’s concerned face.
Or her boyfriend’s heart shatter at the sight of her in that body bag.
She had given up in everyone and wouldn’t let anyone in,
She got to the point of taking her own life instead of losing someone else.
She had not thought of how it would affect them.
She thought she would be forgotten but wasn’t.
A memorial was placed for her inside her own home.
Her own front porch,
Became her mother’s sanctuary.
In days time her family's lives have been turned upside down.
Their little girl gone.
Without a trace of what caused this.
If only someone was there when she needed them the most.
While standing there,
In her clouds,
She falls to her knees,
Broken in the afterlife.
Who would have thought that this jewell had a devilish mind of impure thoughts.
She knew the feeling of regret but never fully felt it until then.
“It was suppose to relieve me.
Not hurt me in the long run.”
She cried out.
“Mom I’m sorry,”
She looks at her boyfriend from up above,
And cries out to him.
“I’m sorry i’m sorry!
I never meant to hurt you”
She laid there crying for hours,
Until she could no longer breathe.
“Doctor! Doctor! She is waking up!”
She opened her eyes to find herself in a hospital room.
Monitor at full working rate.
Her boyfriend who has never looked so pale raised his eyes to meet hers.
She was weak and couldn’t say a thing.
But he knew exactly what to say,
“I love you”
Jun 8, 2018
Jun 8, 2018 at 10:55 PM UTC