& I think maybe that’s what’s fked me up the most
The people that have hurt me the most were those that were close
& those that didn’t care
Smiled, acted polite & shared
Their fake, crowd pleasing personas
with me
Smile to my face, then vanish into black
Only to text back
Months later
Oh sorry, it’s been hectic
I’ve been soo busy
Finding myself
Far away from you
But would you like to come out for a brew
Perhaps
Meanwhile the people that tell me they love me
The people that tell me they’ve always had MY best interests in mind while they themselves made decisions that affected me
Without me
Leaving me for my own good
Staying away from me for my own good
Telling me that I’m too good
For them
& which one is better
Really
Which one is worse
Or more real
Is anything real..
Anymore?
All I know is that I’m tired of the ****
This technological abyss
Where people can come & go as they please
Eternally
IT’S NOT OKAY
I will not come out to play
I will not twirl & dance for you
Every time you want to wind me up
For old times sake
So you can recreate
A distant memory of former bliss
What is this?
But utter confusion
You’re delusioned
If you think I’ll ever spin near your orbit again
& no we can’t “stay friends”
For fks sake
Just leave me be
Jun 7, 2019
Jun 7, 2019 at 9:51 PM UTC
The last time that I saw your face
I was in a broken state
& as I drove off
I felt the knot tighten around this noose
Just moments ago in your embrace
I finally understood the way
That you no longer saw in me
the girl that you once knew
They say that eventually time heals all wounds
& that even when your inerts are battered & bruised
One day you will feel as if you are whole again
If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I believe that’s the truth
& even if it is I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to
Accept this as another it is what it is
Maybe that’s why I still look for you
In the faces of every **** passerby
Wondering why
They’re not you
& every single time
I catch a glimpse of an eye
Out of the corner of mine
I pray to God it’s not you
‘Cause I know that I need to move on with my life
Cut the rope loose & take it in strife
With every fiber of my being I must summon my power of will
It kills me to let go & yet it’s killing me to hold on
Stuck in this endless loop, a twisted conundrum
‘Cause I don’t want to
But I don’t want to want you
Still
Jun 4, 2019
Jun 4, 2019 at 1:28 AM UTC
When you give a person a part of your heart, you never truly get it back
It's theirs to do with as they please,
To treasure or to crack
But what happens when there aren't any
pieces left to give
When you've scraped out the last bit you had, & the outcome wasn't positive
Now your chest is bare & your mind is full
Of all the could have beens
While your heart is roaming from place to place, underneath other people's skin
Jun 4, 2017
Jun 4, 2017 at 9:34 PM UTC
Over time I've realized I'm the type of person who can draw anyone in
Mysterious, yet comforting to be around
An altruistic listener, an effective conversationalist, a trusted confidant
Modest as I may be, I do understand where I stand with most people
I'm the person you call when you're having a bad day, or need a ride, or even to bask in the glory of your successes;
a promotion at work, a new fling
I'm that person
The person to go to with your something;
your need, or your news
Intriguing from afar
Many want to delve into the depths
Uncover the story within
Until they realize that there's more
There's always more
Like a black hole pulling you in
Only to find that it's expanse goes on indefinitely
After a while my quips, my quirks
become exhausting
To others
No one can fathom traveling the distance
So they don't
They turn back
I willingly release them
of my gravitational pull
Then we both float on
In opposing directions
It's funny how one can be too much
Yet somehow, never enough
Mar 12, 2017
Mar 12, 2017 at 9:46 PM UTC
After all our time together
We had but just one fight
I thought that you'd lost interest
So you went ahead && proved me right
Jan 10, 2017
Jan 10, 2017 at 5:56 AM UTC
I'd like to tell you a story
It begins in 1492
When dear old Christopher Columbus
Sailed the ocean blue
He landed on what he thought
To be the country of India
He stumbled upon a group of people
Who appeared to be indigenous
Because these native people
Happened to be where he thought he was
He called them all "Indians"
&& somehow that name stuck
They welcomed his group with open arms
Even offered them their feast
Unaware that deep inside
They were but wolves, dressed as sheep
Columbus && his crew
Soon ravaged the land
They took what they saw
Then they took full command
Of the people they found
On the land where they landed
They felt they should rule
So they stepped in, heavy handed
They murdered the people
Who had taken them in
Set fire to their villages
While the victims watched with their kin
Flash forward to the future
It's now 2016
It's been over 500 years
Since the overtaking by the regime
Future settlers decided
To let the survivors live on
They designated them small areas
Of what had not yet been robbed
These Native Americans,
Generally keep to themselves
They get by living off their land
But now they need your help
The Sioux of Standing Rock
Are being horribly mistreated
The state of North Dakota
Is poisoning them without reason
A pipeline has been built
That runs through this Native territory
When Bismarck residents didn't want it
It was rerouted, how discriminatory
People from all over the country
Are seeming to agree
They are making the commute
To protest peacefully
In defense of an oppressed people
Who only want to live
But the government is stepping in
Even blowing off some limbs
"Let them die, they're not like us"
the message the administration is sending
It seems that after all this time
The battle is never-ending
What exactly does it take
For people to see eye-to-eye?
In the end we're all just human
We kiss, we laugh, we cry
So if you have a heart at all
If you know that this is wrong
Please join the Sioux in their mission
By coming together, we can be strong
Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 11:30 PM UTC
Call me old fashioned
But I dream of a love that's true
One where my better half means
the things that they say && do
Where photos of other women
On social media, among other places
Mean nothing to them compared
To the look we share between our faces
Where they're not constantly on the look out
For someone better to come along
Because they know deep down that being
With anyone else would just feel wrong
Maybe they'd know that I was the one
Right from the very start
Or maybe it would take time for them
to open up their heart
I'd go to the ends of the earth
To make sure they never felt alone
&& I hope that they'd do the same for me
That they'd let our love set the tone
So call me old fashioned
But I can't play these new aged games
My heart wasn't built to wander around
Once it finds a home, it wants to stay
Oct 23, 2016
Oct 23, 2016 at 10:45 AM UTC
In a world so filled with apathy
Someone has to feel
I'm sorry that you're one of the chosen
Plagued by the weight of the world
It can be hard to deal
The task of those who live with their eyes open
Your thoughts are your thoughts
Your emotions are just
Nothing could make that less valid
Those who don't understand
May think they have the upper hand
But their lives are the ones that are pallid
Sep 15, 2016
Sep 15, 2016 at 11:41 AM UTC
As you walked away from me at the airport, my heart fell to the floor. You looked into my eyes as you said goodbye, && it felt like a real && final goodbye. This wasn't an "I'll see you soon," or even again.
I wanted to ask you to stay. I imagined you turning around, running back through the line at the gate. You'd tell me that "you just couldn't leave me." I'd pull you in && everything around us would fade away.
&& when I finally lose my mind, as all great thinkers do; when the world finally grants me peace, no longer having to be plagued by my own existentialism, by all that consumes me; I hope that this is the moment I can live in, replaying forever in my mind; you running back into my arms.
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 12:01 PM UTC
I stayed up all night to watch the sunrise
Such an odd feeling, looking at something that so many other people might be looking at too
All staring up together, && yet feeling so alone
Makes you realize that there's so much more to life, than just the things that directly affect you
I think oftentimes people forget that they're not the center of the universe
Or even the solar system
The sun has rightfully earned that title
&& who are we to think we can compete with that?
A blazing ball of fire
One that never falters, never goes out
It just shines on
I think we could all take a lesson from the sun
&& just be
Sep 12, 2016
Sep 12, 2016 at 8:56 PM UTC