I am free but I am trapped
How much is experience worth when
Every Friday night is entertained by bruises and bedsheets washed away the next afternoon by Jack Daniels
This is not who I am and I wish you could understand this but
Here I am stuck
Trapped
I was hoping you'd hear
Here I thought I was swimming in the most incredible ocean
Independent, free, wild, and unknowing
It just took a while for me to remember
Sipping on salt water can only keep you alive for so long.
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 11:27 PM UTC
I was once read a faerie tale
And I'll never forget that night I heard the words,
"All magic comes with a price."
I should have been prepared for the earthquake
Following the day your lips met mine.
I've always wanted to know what you see in the stars;
Are they to you the ghosts of those you've abandoned?
I hope the crescent moon's mocking smile makes your hands
Shake while I'm
Climbing all the mountains you never dared to hike.
Jun 11, 2015
Jun 11, 2015 at 12:41 AM UTC
Restless and awake,
The clock tells me it is 2am.
This is truly the time for dreamers.
Surrounded in silence,
intensified loneliness,
thoughts palpable.
I was once told
to forget tomorrow's uncertainty yet
Past situations resurface
and bring about distress.
There is no logic in afflicting such a burden;
One that is caused by one's regrets.
Those times cannot be brought back,
Cannot be relived,
But, oh, how they can come back to haunt you.
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 12:32 AM UTC
My mother once warned me
not to watch and wait for water to boil.
I guess I never learned
I should have learned
by the way you interrupted every
mangled promise.
I've been counting all the clocks I've seen
since you told me we'd ran out of time.
You are the reason I now know
it is possible to drown without water
because sometimes I visit the beach
where we had our last barefoot slow dance,
And only then do I find solace
in fantasizing the day I'll forget your name.
Apr 22, 2015
Apr 22, 2015 at 12:18 AM UTC
For so long my biggest fear has been
Breathing in fire
But lately I've found myself
Addicted to the fumes.
You once whispered a warning,
Lips teasing the nape of my neck,
A memory that still sends chills down my spine.
I wish I'd never been told the danger of
Such a transient element.
You see,
I've been stalked by a rain cloud for years
Of whom I am hoping has sauntered away
For good.
Yet I still find myself wondering
If either of us will someday be
Standing alone in a room
Accompanied only by a fire extinguisher.
Jan 29, 2015
Jan 29, 2015 at 1:35 AM UTC
Someone once explained to me how vulnerable they felt
looking at the night sky and
I've been spitting up galaxies since that night.
Sometimes I have dreams where I am
Tying knots in the fabric of the universe
And orchestrating meteor showers
But I've stared at this piece of paper
For so long
you'd think I'm trying to purge myself
of the memory of those words.
I feel like I've been hanging apologies
Like ornaments on a Christmas tree
Since you told me
I am the girl who is crying "fire" in the middle of an ocean but
The way I see it you're just trying to build a new house
On top of an old one that hasn't even finished burning down.
Dec 24, 2014
Dec 24, 2014 at 4:01 AM UTC
I don't know when and where our intimacy turned into strictly contact but
Its been years and I'd still prefer to shuffle barefoot along broken glass
Because I don't remember the last time you kissed me goodbye.
You've never asked me to stay the night
And your bed is starting to feel more like a concrete slab
But your hands are a prison I haven't been able to escape.
No matter how much you love someone
You can't make them love you back
I can't ******* bear to think of you leaning into anyone but me and
Now all I can do is speak goodbyes to everyone I meet because
Every time I've spoken the word "love"
And genuinely meant it
It's started to sound more like an apology.
I once opened your door to tell you I could not kiss you anymore
But you swallowed the words right out of my mouth.
Remember the time you told me
You wanted to witness a train wreck?
Well, look at me now
Look at me now.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 2:49 AM UTC
You are a bottle of champagne
saved to be opened on New Year's Eve and
I am the bruise you woke up with
From that drunken night that
you'll never cease to regret.
Nov 23, 2014
Nov 23, 2014 at 3:11 AM UTC
I am a monster who is trapped
in varying levels of confusion, desperation, hypocrisy
Slamming doors in the faces of anyone
who offers me a purpose.
I question if love knows the word requited
because of how many times I've been able to find
purpose
But only in the bottom of an empty bottle while
Sitting tongue tied in a vacant room,
Fantasizing about the peacefulness of the cemetery a few blocks over.
Maybe that's why God stopped listening
I've looked into so many eyes
So many god ****** eyes,
explained my ghosts
struggling to make sense of the monster I am.
It's not that I've lost touch with empathy,
But putting it into words
Would be describing depth perception
to a blind man.
I once watched my father spend hours in front of a mirror
I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying
but I've grown so familiar with his actions.
I am a monster and not by choice,
who was broken with love only once
and since then I've learned to walk with cracked bones.
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 5:29 PM UTC