He makes lies sound like veracities,
and deceit feel like love.
He whispers that he loves me,
and I tell myself,
at least he doesn’t hit me.
His hand strikes the wall
as he mutters he wishes
the blow could land on me
(“Gosh Sarah, YOU make me just want to hit you sometimes.”)
I cover the hollow
with wallpaper patterned in lilies and vines.
I love lilies for their boldness and strength,
qualities I don’t see in myself.
I am indecorous, indecisive.
I’m quick to tears.
I don’t skim emotions
I sink into them.
He’s always told me I’m too sensitive.
“Buck up, buttercup.”
I wanted to be soft.
I needed to be held so gently
I melted into a puddle;
to cry for no reason
on a shoulder of acceptance.
Instead,
I put my emotions down.
I let his hand slide
down my back,
to my waist,
to my ***
I become the good wife
I’m told I need to be.
Dec 20, 2025
Dec 20, 2025 at 5:38 PM UTC
drowning
in a lake, iced over
I am so cold.
I can’t surface,
and I don’t think that I want to.
the cold is burning past pain,
gently into warmth.
it’s wrapping its arms around me,
embracing me,
I give my whole self to the water,
sinking, surrendering.
Dec 18, 2025
Dec 18, 2025 at 6:10 PM UTC
Touching me softly
with your scent wrapped around me
I quiver undone
Nov 26, 2025
Nov 26, 2025 at 11:25 PM UTC
I think about him sometimes
Most times
A lot of the time
I try not to
I don’t know why i even do
I should stop
Can i stop
I wish i didn’t exist or maybe he shouldn’t?
Maybe we should’ve never met
This daunting feeling that we’re supposed to be- will it ever leave me?
It’s been 6-7 idk anymore
how many god **** years will it take?
I may have opened up a never ending spiral
Can you see it?
Looping me back to him again and again
I forget most of the times
I know that when I’m thinking of him
hes thinking of me, i just.... know it.
There’s no doubt in my mind.
I want to write to him forever
Aug 26, 2020
Aug 26, 2020 at 11:26 PM UTC
You left again and my head is fuzzy
Like you wond me up on a string and slung my body towards the ground only for me to come snapping back up to you numerous more times
Once the string finally wore and I plummeted to the ground
I may have suffered brain injury during my fall
I'm lost again, I'm telling you I'm lost
I'll try to find myself in 7:00 am coffee trips alone
In midnight writings where I can not connect the dots
I'll find myself again in books I've read before and the smell of incense burning in my room,
While reading old poems I've written about past lovers
I'll find myself in fall, when the weather kisses my skin just like he did
I need to remember the things I loved before him
I can't put my love into him anymore
I mean how do you grow flowers in a sinking hole
When There is no stable ground
no acceptance to grow
Just one after another being ****** in, disappearing to the bottomless depths of the inner layer of the earths center.
Jun 8, 2018
Jun 8, 2018 at 3:13 AM UTC
November 26, 2014
I got out of bed that morning
Drank my daily cup of coffee
Went out with the boy I was seeing at the time
I'm surprised I even got out of bed that day
104 pounds to weak to walk around
We went to the park after three cups of Waffle House coffee
I was shaking more than an earth quake shakes the trees
Ring Ring
It's my father calling
"Sarah I need you to come home right now"
Me thinking oh illl just wait another 15 minutes it's no big deal
"Yes sir, be there soon"
I press my shaking hands against the door **** and open it
I could actually FEEL it in the room
I could feel the heart break smothering my entire body
I could feel the damp tears making the room humid and unbearable
"Your mother has killed herself, Sarah."
You expect
A weeping Howl
A fall hard to the ground breaking bones and your heart
A gasp for your breath but only to ingulf water and drown
A a painful scream that pierces the ears of you neighbors
But no I just stood there
Unable to move
Unable to feel
That's the day I knew I was broken for good. Some expensive China plate busted into 27 different pieces and you lost number 9
November 26, 2014 I broke
Aug 4, 2017
Aug 4, 2017 at 9:57 PM UTC
***** hands.
Mud scorn.
Hearts wrenched by faces who brought memories surfaced.
Pushed back into your head,
So far they shouldn’t be called memories anymore.
Sorrowful songs.
Clenched teeth.
Lungs collapsed by impecable dreams.
Words spoken in ways they only make sense in a state of sleep.
Imaginary hands grasp round your throat.
Legs without bones
sink down to the kitchen floor.
Eyes dry from staring into the past,
trying to understand what you could’ve done,
should’ve done,
to change the unchangeable events.
May 25, 2017
May 25, 2017 at 11:11 PM UTC
It's like I was left with nothing but a body to walk around with, to speak words with no meaning, to paint emotions onto canvases because I can only draw them out, not feel them.
Dec 23, 2016
Dec 23, 2016 at 4:19 AM UTC
I used to play a game where I'd try to see how much blood I could fill into one of my dads whiskey glasses, I never managed to fill it as much as I wanted to
I like playing games, it gives meaning to my life somehow.
Sometimes I like to play with death
Death plays back quite well
More than others in my life do
Possibly I'm infatuated with the thought of dying
I've always wanted to fall off a cliff
So maybe I could see if it felt the same as falling in love with him
And maybe now, how it felt to hit the rocks at the bottom to compare to the pain when he left
I've always wanted to shatter a mirror with my fists so I could feel how broken my mom felt before she died maybe the difference of impact would be like falling from a 5 story hotel and splatting on the ground
I kinda hoped after I took all those pills that day that I didn't come back from it
Death played a fair game .
My father never really seemed to play much,
just handing me off to the next player at the soonest opportunity he got. Like the objective of the game was to avoid my problems
My sister got out of the game a long time ago, she's just no longer a piece anymore
I scratched her out from the handbook so she wouldn't get hurt by the outcomes of playing
My mom always told me if I played the game right and I'd get what I wanted
I don't know anymore
I think I'm tired of playing
Dec 10, 2016
Dec 10, 2016 at 2:07 AM UTC
I'm withdrawing from Coke
And you
My heart has knives stabbing through it from every possible angle somewhat resembling multiple isosceles triangles
My body shakes at 26 degrees Fahrenheit
My stomach has a feeling like cockroaches and worms are crawling around, playing tennis in my intestines.
I think that sleep deprivation is what has caused me to dream about you while I'm awake
I vomited up blue emotions along with green bile because I haven't eaten in three days
I'm SORRY I blacked out and opened my wrist to a gaping cut
I guess that all the blood was meant to full force me back to reality
The Reality that your gone
I promise I want to live but it's hard when all it has been doing is raining inside my brain
I bite my finger nails and spit out anxiety
I need help before I shrink down into what you made me feel
Sep 8, 2016
Sep 8, 2016 at 10:28 PM UTC