My mind runs a million marathons at night,
staying on high alert despite turning off the light.
Overdosing on never-ending thought loops caused by my anxiety,
A feeling of entrapment which never flees as it’s right inside of me
Overthinking meaningless conversations with people I’ll never meet again,
How did I come across? I hope I wasn’t too intense or fierce, as I am now & then.
A roundabout of worry accompanied by intrusive thoughts,
Characterised by poor concentration leading me to feel distraught.
Finally I fall into my awaited slumber, relieved to say the least,
Until tomorrow I will see whether my sleep hath been deceased.
Nov 25, 2022
Nov 25, 2022 at 9:40 PM UTC
tell me you want me
but only for tonight
& if u mean it, then **** me right
satisfy me inside and keep me warm
*** I can get cold, i need ur support
let’s keep this a secret, we’re sippin on sin
enter inside me n caress my skin
look me in the eyes, hand inside my thighs
consume my body, whisper in my ear
tell me you need me, that I’m your dear
but please be gentle, I’m like a rose petal
im scared if you hurt me, I may become resentful
Jan 8, 2022
Jan 8, 2022 at 10:43 PM UTC
sometimes its good to have a break
but one more time for old times sake
a cycle to be broken
but a cycle never cracked
Suffered a bad fall
bashed my head against a white wall
didn’t even feel the pain
but who’s fault is it if not the charming *******
Jan 1, 2022
Jan 1, 2022 at 10:58 PM UTC
1
It’s like I can’t breathe through the night
My chest startin to feel real tight
Anxiety makin it hard to sleep
& no one knows but it cuts real deep
tryna replace old habits with good things
addictions a ***** but I’m tryna forget my sins
& I know this life ain’t meant to be ez
But I can’t stop these thoughts from consumin me
so when I’m on my own I get down
butchu gotta understand I lost my crown
now I’m tryna get through the pain
imma long lost soul been driven insane
Dec 30, 2021
Dec 30, 2021 at 11:08 PM UTC
cage: a structure of bars or wires in which birds or other animals are confined
Caged inside my own mind of worry
I can’t decide if it’s me or everyone around me
Constant paranoia eats away at me while i run from the darkness that surrounds my lungs, smoking the feeling of pain that my self-inflicted thoughts do to my gums
I’m always down, I don’t know why
I try to stay up but instead the anger triggers an evil eye
the most reliable thing I’ve ever had is music
something that drowns the thoughts of aspiring to be anorexic
denial traps my family and everyone around me
I’m suffering in silence to let them move on positively
back to the perception of a fat brown girl
I can’t believe my mum taught me to shake the feelings, to not eat the twirl
I can’t help it that I feel imprisoned within a safe home
i can’t help it that I diagnose myself with every possible syndrome
it’s easier to know there’s a label of identification than to be unaware and completely oblivious
I know, this trait of mine I don’t usually share as it’s cruel and hideous
but I just want to be loved
instead, I get a kick out of being crushed
sometimes I like the feeling of loneliness
it helps me feel as though there isn’t an emptiness
it digs at my stomach like the punches I threw at myself as I suffered from throwing my fingers back and gagging for food
just to control the unknown and how I really felt about our family feud
Jun 28, 2019
Jun 28, 2019 at 9:28 PM UTC
We used to stand in our tiny kitchen
You would make jokes and I would listen
We’d talk about my friends, people and god
I would be captivated and you would patiently nod
You cooked up the best food, curries and salads
I watched and observed and sometimes sang ballads
We’d go on drives to our local store
Listening to music, It doesn’t happen anymore
I’d jump out the car while u sat and waited
I’d pick the best chocolate while you stayed seated
Then we’d go home and I would make tea
We’d sit on the sofa and stare at the tv
I miss you so much but you’re not even dead
Parents get divorced and now your enjoying someone’s else’s bed
Don’t get me wrong, I love your new wife
but I’m sad that you decided to change this life
Now I lay in the bed of my childhood house
You’ve decided to sell it and move in with you’re spouse
I don’t expect you to understand but I miss you with mum
I know you deserve love but I can no longer trust anyone
May 18, 2019
May 18, 2019 at 6:30 PM UTC
I cant even ******* write poetry anymore. for **** sake.
Feb 13, 2019
Feb 13, 2019 at 4:48 PM UTC
Burning anxiety demands to be felt,
Pain on a cross crucifies my safety belt
The Bleeding of anger surrounds the planet of Saturn,
Cowering emotions of a weak and reflective pattern
Differentiating the savages from one another,
Blasphemous torture brings a reign of popping colour.
Conflicting paintings of contradicting contrast,
Overpowering the loneliness of a raw & ready outcast
identifying potential and searching for identity,
Dangerous obscurity holds deep defying
serenity
Face tackling emotions, distancing with deflect,
Running on ideas, this light won’t project.
Sound waves and paintings nourish a soul,
A way to reveal the basics of mind control
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 5:54 AM UTC
The light fades in a time consuming race
All it takes is to not show myself as any bait
The countless hours spent scheming with hope have all come back to haunt my faith
I don’t mean to be sour so I’ll only pierce you in your sensitive daith
Optimism turns to dust as my thoughts fade with the light
The luminescent bright sparks used to blind my sight
One cannot stress how they feel in such turmoil
I don’t want to give up but I have a fear of being too loyal
I’m sore minded and came across an undimmed dazzle
I’ve lost my way and can’t even find my soil or gravel
The key that unlocked my heavenly door dived into the water that bled in fast motion
I’m afraid to find another way but maybe I’ll come across an unwitting potion
Something to give me leeway & remove the permanent thoughts
Just to give a temporary fix to the mind games I play and people I fought
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 7:24 PM UTC
The thoughts stay awake in my mind
bullied all my life even when I was kind
Struggling, yearning for my weight to go back down,
to where it was when I didn’t frown
Constant reminders of myself
Shopping windows, mirrors and family,
they even put me in therapy
“Brush it off” they all say
talking,screaming,shouting so abruptly
The voices so loud I can’t even distinguish my own laugh
it doesn’t leave
I want it to cast me away
Take me to an unknown island
Forget about me, leave me with the grass
my “flabby arms” and “visible stomach” are my worst enemy,
worse than the seven trench built army
The bullying soldiers both inside and out
They must be right?
I do not doubt
Somebody help me
Tell me I’m right
Young girls find value in appearance
This diabolical and alluded kite
This will **** many like me,
who’ve suffered enough and cannot breathe
So please teach them to be smart
you can do more with a brain than you can a face
but in this age, it is a race
Aug 2, 2018
Aug 2, 2018 at 9:58 AM UTC