she's all addicted
to the controversy of a villain
she made up to please
mommy and daddy
when I hadn't
even touched a part of her soul
forever ready to rewrite me
drop of the hat
uninvite me
like she invited a wolf
but I'm fighting my own
halfway across
the world
I don't
have the kind of time she wanted
when she tried to pretend
that I'm haunted
all for the sake of
inviting
herself in to repaint
she saw me she thought
fixer upper
but it's rougher
to watch me rise
it's easy to watch
someone suffer
when you think
I've got it better
it'll never
come around
to catch me
surprise
when it turns out
you're faking
and all of the rules that you're breaking
and ignoring
are recording
the score while you're
trying to pin it all on me
leave my name out of your mouth
so mommy and daddy will be proud
the bad man
can't get you now
Dec 19, 2022
Dec 19, 2022 at 4:19 AM UTC
Silence
Silence
anything but this
Give me hatred
give me violence
give me anything but
I can hear a pin drop
but it will
never hit the floor
your lips
forever sealed
and the truth won't save me
silence
silence
anything but this
give me hatred
give me violence
anything but this
they're all falling
like shards along my path
in the quiet
give me something
anything but this
Nov 13, 2022
Nov 13, 2022 at 3:42 PM UTC
These are the things I would be feeling if I
was like you
The warm touch of a friend
when it fills you
with love
and that love;
bubbling up to the surface,
flush against the inside of my skin
like it will burst soon
and I will flood you
because my body cannot contain this closeness
my heart is fit to burst
its empty insides
splattered across the walls
like a Polluck painting to our connection
if I felt it
if I knew that it was there
If I knew it like I knew
the scent of spices
like I know the cold embrace
of winter months, when they brush
against my illness and I know
that it can’t go on
because it hurts so much to love
it tears words from my gut that I would never
dare say
it brings promises I cannot keep;
if I could, I would weep
because it hurts so much to love
but I have to try
Aug 24, 2020
Aug 24, 2020 at 8:09 PM UTC
I smell you on the letter you wrote
and my eyes are open wide but I miss
the dizzying haze of you
It's all I can do
to stay away and let it go
all I want
to be safe in your arms
together against the world
the sting won't leave my eyes
my hands are tied
will I have anything to give you this time?
I don't have any answers
close your hands around my throat
so you can hold me when I go
I'll take the blame
I'll take each blow
anything
to get close
to that lifeblood I'll never know
to feel connection
before you go
Aug 8, 2020
Aug 8, 2020 at 9:44 PM UTC
He stood, day by day
at the edge of the water
and staring down himself,
they passed the words like fodder
To demonize his silence
He gazed into himself
and wondering what he’d find
he journeyed inner hence.
The words around him grew
for mystery like death’s dark cloak
enshrouded his eye;
they demanded recompense.
The dark of the unknown
the wandering soul,
geared up like an explorer
to climb upon the mountain’s face
and seek the edge of the gods’ grace
until the fire filled him.
Straining in the winds
as climbing higher still,
the quiet pushed outside
and filled the crown of heaven.
For in the inner will
the nature of the endless choice
to be a chorus or a voice
and cast away from all that knows;
not finding or not seeking
deliberately turning,
inspecting, touching, yearning
for the knowledge driving
us step by step upon the sands
until we find our foreign lands.
He stood, day by day
at the edge of the water
and staring down himself,
he took the hand like settlement
To alchemize the silence
He gazed into himself
and finding there an echoed soul
they journeyed inner hence.
Narcissus walked the water’s edge
and found upon the mountain’s ledge
with winds upon his back
the mirror in the water;
the depth and magic gazing in
and drawing silence into sin
of oustretched wing and Morning light.
And gazed until the end of night.
Apr 10, 2020
Apr 10, 2020 at 10:25 PM UTC
This one’s for the quiet ones locked in their bedrooms
Too burnt out to break free from the monsters that loom
To the ones someone told it’s not worth chasing dreams
To the ones sitting still so they don’t burst at the seams
This one’s for the lost ones, the overlooked ones, the dropped ones
For the selective mutes, the broken brutes, the ones playing possum
To the aching tender joints, to the bedrest homies
The inspiration **** I am when they don’t even know me
The invisible struggle that lights a fire inside
The cut locks, broken doors, screaming match courtside
I’ve been there, I’ve seen that, the closing curtain last act
You already know you’re strong so I don’t have to say that
I’m not looking down on you
You know they’re gonna clown on you
I want you to know that it doesn’t have to drown you
If you’re looking for a sign to stay,
My friend, this is it
None of you did anything to deserve this ****
If you’re scared (Don’t give up)
Unprepared (Don’t give up)
If you’re ready to drop outta here (Don’t give up)
If you’re feeling like you’ve disappeared (Don’t give up)
I’ve got your back; I’ve got your spirit by my side
I’ve got that heavy burden, I’ve been that tattered pride
They’re not gonna say thank you, they’re not gonna say please
But we don’t have to earn our lives by begging on our knees
We don’t have to settle for fight, flight or freeze
We’ve got a depth of wisdom they can never seize
To the invisible ones, to the hidden in plain sight
To the hearts hanging heavy dreading going home at night
To the fending for yourselves, to the strategic hustlers
To the lost in other universes, to the panicked jimmy-rustlers
To the ‘how did I get here’s, to the max volume, quiet tears
To the looking for the exit, to the wasted golden years
I see you, I hear you
The truth is, they fear you
Those old ways are dying, We’re new pioneers who
Will call out the liars, we’ll march through the wires
Arm ourselves with truth, we’ll put out those fear fires
So rise up; recognize
That your spirit’s got merit outside of their eyes
Your value’s intrinsic, your dreams are realistic
This fight never ending, our story polyptych
This is a tribute to my mutineers
To the ones who keep fighting, the facers of fears
Straighten up, don’t carry their judgement
All of that hatred just ain’t in the budget
It’s unsustainable, come on, proclaim, we’re all
Building a new road, running down the Rockefellers
Don’t forget
We have a dream
Hold fast
Together we’re unstoppable
Mar 10, 2020
Mar 10, 2020 at 6:42 PM UTC
They gave a name
To the thing in my brain
That took me away from you
And I thought that knowing
Would ease the pain
But now I just know who to blame
And it turns out the bottom line’s
Always the same
And I know his name
But he’s so well behaved
How could he be like they say
I wanted to change
And I thought I could trade
All the pain for the perfect charade
but the upkeep is more
than I know how to pay
and it saps all the joy
from the game that I play
I’ll be laughing when
We fall this way
When we fall this way
When we finally decide to stay
Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019 at 11:08 PM UTC
I have become
a caricature
of all the people
my mama told me
were wicked
day drinking
at the edge
of the world
putting
on a smile
for a few
extra dollars
until I'm
wallpapering
the living room
with them
suspended
above the
horizon
by the noose
I myself
have made
of beach vibes
and mistaken
identity
drag me
out to sea
and scare
the masses
with me
we can stay
the old men
or we can be
the sea
and toss
these chains
with the anchor
Sep 22, 2018
Sep 22, 2018 at 3:18 AM UTC
I'm dragging
all I know how to write is sadness,
and I want to let you know that isn't all I've got
I want so hard to prove that what you see isn't all you get
that the mess that I am has a sheen underneath.
Your voice breathes life into me,
I want to take you with me to the end of my journey,
but to claim to own a spirit as wild and free as yours
would be to clip a rose, to give it thorns.
When my heart is on fire and I follow the smoke signals
it only ever serves to lead me back to you.
And we're both stepping stones,
but I hope that I can run with you as long as we've got time,
I want to fight beside you as long as there's a war to be won,
to pen your story for the world,
to grasp in these clumsy fingers the will o' wisp that guides me,
time and time again back to your eyes.
The echoes of the universe draw me close to you,
I'm hopeless, and I've ever been.
I feel the distance as cuts in my heart
Your touch magnetizes my soul
how I ever went without you, I'll never know.
So curse me with all you've got,
strike me down for generations,
so I'll be by your side through time,
and I can live to give you everything.
Bit by bit, lifetime by lifetime,
I will always find you, again and again
and we will dance,
and I will learn to write joy, year after year
now that I'm flying.
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 6:57 AM UTC
Don't be stupid
You know the many whispers aren't about you
But what if it's true?
Mild discomfort, oh joy, sweet haze
Coffee and creme brûlée cream
To prove we're walking on a dream
Grit teeth and putting on airs
Chains and chairs
A lifetime of lies on the news
Sparks and lit cigarettes
Golden dreams in darkened bars
Everyone is fighting so hard
Library fines from two blocks away
We should just pay
But here there be dragons
Threatening laughter, interim
Chores chock full of bitter grim
Will you be paper or plastic?
Can't hold a tune in a bucket
So **** it
Bang out the beat instead
Sound in every direction
Can't even take your own predilection
Switch it up every five minutes
Don't worry
Mortality means it's not permanent
Just learn to live with it
Apr 30, 2017
Apr 30, 2017 at 6:04 AM UTC